Sometimes...

...I think I want to leave the Episcopal Church. With all the drama and internal turmoil in the Church, and the rest of the Anglican Communion, at times you feel so compelled to depart for a place where you can spiritually grow and be lifted up. I'd like a bit of peace and quiet, and a parish family that is supportive, but instead, all I've known is tumult and distress from within the Church.

One of my problems is that I get hurt so easily. In life, you will always have an enemy, someone who despises you or condemns you, someone who will never forgive you, someone who thinks less of you and talks behind your back, or even someone hellbent on destroying you. It hurts, oh golly it hurts to be so rejected, and to be treated as if you were nothing. And what is worse is that even your own sisters and brothers, members of the Body of Christ - the living members of the Communion of Saints - a body of people that is supposed to be more meaningful that your own family, can and some will reject you too.

You want to feel loved, to be respected, and to be treated with dignity. Yet even members of the Church will act to the contrary.

I'm not strong enough to handle maltreatment, and I feel so weak at heart, and and I can shatter at any moment. This so called 'strength' I have is but only a facade, a defence mechanism to protect the slushy slurry that is within my soul.

Forgive me if my blog posts are depressing from time to time, but remember: This blog is mine, and it is my outlet to express how I feel in a constructive, prayerful way.

And so Gracious Father, I humbly beseech you, send me true friends to keep, and if I must be treated with contempt, then please God, for the sake of your Son's passion and cross, grant me the grace to be loving and forgiving even still, even unto the point of maltreatment. I offer these things, taking refuge in the Name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord; Saranam.