Quærite Dominum

Where is Joshie now?

2010-01-07T14:05:00.001-08:00

Just one more thing, hehe. I always start a new blog when I begin a new chapter in my life. I've moved to http://chutneyoverrice.wordpress.com

Pray for me, and bless me on my journey.

A Prayer of the Armenian Church

2009-12-14T00:42:00.001-08:00

Holy Saviour, Jesus Christ, you are the true light: Remove from my life the darkness of despair, sadness, and sin; and replace them with the joy of your radiant love. For you are the light of my salvation. Blessing and glory to you now and always and forever. Amen.

Be still, my soul

2009-12-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favourite hymns, along with Nearer, my God, to Thee. Here is a version sung beautifully by David Archuleta.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Ave Maris Stella

2009-11-16T01:00:00.000-08:00

Hail, O Star of the ocean,
God's own Mother blest,
ever sinless Virgin,
gate of heav'nly rest.

Taking that sweet Ave,
which from Gabriel came,
peace confirm within us,
changing Eve's name.

Break the sinners' fetters,
make our blindness day,
Chase all evils from us,
for all blessings pray.

Show thyself a Mother,
may the Word divine
born for us thine Infant
hear our prayers through thine.

Virgin all excelling,
mildest of the mild,
free from guilt preserve us
meek and undefiled.

Keep our life all spotless,
make our way secure
till we find in Jesus,
joy for evermore.

Praise to God the Father,
honour to the Son,
in the Holy Spirit,
be the glory one. Amen.

Tonight I saw a man die...

2009-10-17T02:26:00.001-07:00

I was late for the bus tonight as I got off work, so I went for a walk around the perimeter of the Great Mall whilst waiting for the next Bus 70. A crowd had gathered around the parking garage, and curious, I tiptoed through the swarm to see what was going on. A young man, obviously shot, was curled on the asphalt drifting between life and death. I could see that he was horrified, frightened, and astounded that yes, he was going to die this very night, in front of all these people. He was aware that he was going to die when he clearly did not want to die. I could only fathom the pain he felt knowing that his last few moments on this earth would be spent bleeding to death in front of strangers instead of being surrounded by the love and warmth of his family.

I felt for this man, and I could only feel compassion for him. It broke my heart to know that among the crowd there was not a loving face to look to, or least a familiar face to focus on. If only I could, I would have held his hand and reassured him that everything would be alright. Somehow, I felt my spirit prompting me (to borrow a Pentecostal term) to say something. My heart wanted to reach out to him and yell over the murmuring crowd, “You are God’s beloved child. He loves you, and embraces you now. He welcomes you home.”

And I didn’t say a word. I DID NOT SAY A WORD. I just stood there like the rest of that heartless crowd. I let that man die without knowing he was loved by God, and that it wasn’t God’s will that he should die like this without somebody caring. I failed my God, and I feel guilty. So fucking guilty over it. How could I let him die like that? How could I let this broken figure, this icon of the Crucified Christ, feel alone in his final moments? I could have said something over the crowd, but no, I just waited for him to breathe his final breath. After the medics pronounced him dead, it was only then that I said a prayer of commendation.

What also pained me was that I knew this young man wasn’t a crime statistic in the San Francisco Bay Area, but that this man was a living human being – the image of God – who loved, felt, and had dreams. To know that his man had possibilities and such potential, then to be turned into worm food within hours just devastated me. He will never realize his dreams, he will never marry, he will never walk his daughter down the aisle, and he will never spend the last of his days tending his own vine or resting under his own fig tree. This man could have been a Supreme Court justice, my child’s schoolteacher, or even the very person who may discover the cure to AIDS.

Tonight, I mourn this possible agent of God’s redemptive grace and creative power in the world. It makes me think, by God, that could have been me, or that could be me tomorrow. Have I lived every moment to the fullest? I must live in the present. The past has no hold over the present, and tomorrow may not be mine. Therefore I choose to live in Christ’s promise of life, and to have it in all its fullness.

Dear God, I’m so sorry. I let that man die without knowing that you loved him, and that he was your beloved child. I failed to show your love, and I stood there with that gawking crowd waiting for him to die. I did not tell him that you did not want this terrible thing to happen to him. I let him lie there feeling abandoned by you, his loving Creator and Redeemer. I did not reassure him that you cared. I’m so sorry. In his final moments, I failed to be your agent of love and grace. God, please forgive me. Please. I lacked the courage to do it. I’m so sorry.

An After-Thanksgiving Reflection

2008-11-28T01:36:00.000-08:00

So it’s the day after Thanksgiving - Black Friday, if you will, and whilst my liquored-up relatives are outside the shopping mall in queue waiting with hundreds of others, and chanting “OPEN! OPEN! OPEN!” for the After-Thanksgiving sales, I’d like to spend a few moments of quiet reflection on my blog.

A lot of my non-North American friends and relatives (especially the British ones!) are quite perplexed about the nature of this holiday despite the fact that it was the English settlers who started the custom in the United States and Canada. (The Grenadian Thanksgiving is a whole different beast.) A Chinese South African friend commented to me in Afrikaans, “Ek is baie jaloers! Hoop dat ek eendag met jou dit kan vier!” (“I’m so jealous! I hope that I can one day celebrate it with you!”)

Sure. If you can handle three days of food preparation and planning. Otherwise, Gesëende Dankfees!

The Brits have a rather odd reaction to the North American Thanksgiving. It’s like a combination of awe, disgust, confusion, admiration, indifference, and “foreignness”. But hello? Haven’t they heard of the rural British observances of Harvest Home, Harvest Festival, or Harvest Thanksgiving – the antecedents of our modern Thanksgiving holiday?

Once upon a time, the North American holiday wasn’t so different from the harvest observances in the Old Country. Sure, the food was rather different from back home, as we didn’t have English Strawberries and Cream, but the spirit was still the same: Simple gratitude for blessings received from the Supreme Being, the Merciful One who watches over all of us tenderly.

Now I could rant over how secularized Thanksgiving has become with all its parades, football games, sales, turkey obsession (the mythological first Thanksgiving certainly did not have Turkey, giblet gravy, stuffing, and Cranberry sauce), and what have you. But I’ll leave that for Christmas. After all, as a devout member of the Episcopal Church, the sole representative of the Anglican Communion in the United States, it is my bounden duty to defend the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass in Christ-mass. On the other hand, Thanksgiving is only a statutory holiday.

But let’s get personal here. As we took turns telling each other what we were thankful for this evening, held hands and bowed our heads to say grace, I couldn’t help but think how much I took my family for granted. So at times they may be beyond annoying, and certainly some of them are either rustic buffoons or traditionalist quacks, they are ones who will never tire of your jokes, who will always want what is best for you, and ultimately, they are all that you have. I really missed the presence of my mother and father, who will not be with us for the winter holidays, as they are recuperating in the Philippines. Sometimes it takes loss to make you feel grateful for that or whom you have taken for granted.

So I’m thankful for brotherly advice, even though sometimes it’s “in your face”, because I know I have someone who cares for me. I’m thankful for Aunts sparring over Brussels sprouts and cabbage in the kitchen, because I have a family who has taste in food. I’m thankful for little bratty cousins running around the house, because I know my family has a future. I’m thankful for a nagging boss, because I want to be better at my job. Most of all, I’m thankful that I’m here, amongst the living, because each day I have the ability to open doors and see new things, and have the possibility to love, perhaps love more deeply than I ever have, before I cross the river to a greater shore in the pure land of light.

For these blessings, for this bounty, unto you my Ancestors and Almighty God, I humbly offer you my sincere thanks. Maraming salamat, Panginoon.

Happy After-Thankgiving, dearest blog readers. Hopefully the food coma and/or heartburn doesn’t bother you much.

My response to a dear, cherished friend

2008-08-07T02:07:00.000-07:00

I had a heated debate with a moderate conservative Canadian friend (who out of loyalty and affection to him, shall not be named) not too long ago about the substance of the faith in the Episcopal Church. He went how about how he was frightened by the growing liberalism in my province (the US Episcopal Church). Of course, I am an American Episcopalian, so I think I have a better grasp at the matters in my own province than he does, and the hateful anti-TEC propaganda he reads online. The question I asked him, is simply this: Despite the actions of individuals or groups, lay or clergy, has the very substance of the Apostolic and Catholic faith changed in the Episcopal Church?

I must answer this question with a deep, resounding “NO!”

Others may argue otherwise, but that’s alright. Let them argue. The Anglican Communion, of which the Episcopal Church is part, is a roomy Church in which reason plays an important part in its faith and practice. We are created in the image of God, and so “we are free to make choices: to love, to create, to reason, and to live in harmony with creation and with God.” (Catechism of the BCP, Page 835) So come to the table, and rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit and divine gifts God gave us, let us talk, share the bread and wine, and have a good discussion as we dine with the Lord. I will listen to you, and you can listen to my voice, and the voices of our other sisters and brothers. As we converse and commune with each other, we too converse and commune with God, who gifted us with the divine imprint of memory, reason, and skill. “Come now, and let us reason together” as the Prophet Isaiah wrote down.

But I’ve digressed.

The reason I believe that the substance hasn’t changed is because whilst our expression of our ancient faith have been updated and ancient practices restored via the 1979 Book of Common Prayer, and our structure, order, and practice more complete in divine fullness (consecration of women and GLBTs, and same-sex blessings); our adherence to the doctrine espoused by the Apostles’ and Nicene Creeds, Ecumenical Councils, and the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral has not changed at all. And that is something we have in common with each other – Conservative and Liberal, High Church and Low Church. Until I see our prayer book denounce and repudiate the creeds, sacraments, the Jewish and Christian Scriptures, and the doctrines of the Trinity, the Incarnation, the Virgin Birth, the Redemption and Reconciliation of Humankind, the Resurrection, the Gracious Reign of Christ, the Real Presence in the Blessed Sacrament – all of which are affirmed in our Book of Common Prayer, and its catechism, then I shall leave the Episcopal Church. Yet that hasn’t happened, nor will that happen. So thus I remain faithful to the Episcopal Church.

Let’s be honest. How does a woman’s lack of a penis change the substance of the faith? What harm does that do to the Nicene Creed when you ordain a woman as a priest, or even a gay man in a loving, faithful relationship? Are not the creeds and councils, and the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral the barometers by which we measure our orthodoxy? And when others say that women and gay men cannot be ordained are they not limiting God? Is God not Sovereign of Heaven and Earth? Is God’s love, grace, and mercy for all people – in fact, all under the heavens - not unlimited? Are we not putting God in a box when we say God cannot do this, and God cannot do that? If we do so, then it is my opinion that yes, that is idolatry of convention, and in fact, heresy. No one can control God; for God’s love, grace, and power cannot be limited by human conventions based on fear and prejudice, not even the Holy Scriptures can control God. The God I know, is a God who awakens hope, and whose love and power prevails in the end, even when he is silent; or even when ‘blogging prophets’ of doom and gloom think they can speak for the Almighty God who in fact embraces all, far and wide, and whose ways are mysterious and wondrous, beyond our human understanding. A God who turns on his people and creation, and demands a submission based on fear and terror, is no god, but a ruthless tyrant. This is not the God I love and serve.

The substance of the faith has not changed in the Episcopal Church, and neither has the vastness of divine favour God showers his people and creation. The actions and words of a few members of the Episcopal Church (on both sides) cannot change that, and has not changed that fact. The creeds are still the creeds, and the councils are still the councils, and they are still valued, respected, and taught in this Church.

Blessed be God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;
And blessed be God’s kingdom, now and for ever. Amen.

Comedian Dane Cook's "The Atheist"

2008-08-06T00:41:00.000-07:00

Dane Cook just made a HUGE fan out of this Episcopalian!

THIS JUST INFURIATES ME

2008-05-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

I am angry, sad, and disgusted by the messages that I’ve been reading on internet forums and blogs in regard to the recent earthquake in China, in which, as the toll currently stands, 50,000 people have lost their lives. People have been saying that “China got what they deserve” for human rights abuses, eating dogs, and wearing fur. Are you serious? That sounds straight out of a Jerry Falwell or John Hagee sermon! That is the same cold-hearted rationale that justifies AIDS as ‘God’s punishment’ on the GLBT community, or Hurricane Katrina as ‘Divine wrath’ on the United States for ‘straying away’. And what startles me even more is how SILENT people have been, when normally they join the public displays of mourning for tragedies in other nations. Is this tragedy any different from any disaster? Or suddenly their deaths have no meaning because they are Chinese, and government of the land in which they live in is flawed and corrupt? HELLO?! Human life is human life, and it is precious no matter what race, creed, class, sexual orientation, ethnic background, gender, political affiliation, national origin or caption. No person deserves to die in that manner. A natural disaster, in which thousands of children died, is not a sort of retribution for the policies, actions, and injustices of their government.

Even if you disagree with their politics, can you not extend some grace, mercy, love and compassion? Perhaps be the bigger person?

I have come across these messages, and many more like them:

“I seen documentaries,with Pallets stacked almost 6 feet high,with animal skins on them,cats and dogs.I seen caged dogs for food. What is wrong with you people!!! You have no hearts I fucking wish sometimes you could feel what it feels like to be skinned alive and your family got eaten and see how it feels!!! Damn you heartless Chinese people! You are all so fucked up!!! Fur farm i China is totally fucking gay if you are Chinese then you are fucking animal killer fag! You chinese people deserved to be hit by that earthquake! This is what you get for mistreating animals! Take that fuckcos!!”

“Rot in hell commie fagget chinks!”

“It's all Karma - it's all part of the whole China/Tibet issue.”

“You reap what you sow.”

“I don't like Chinese, I think they have no morals, too materialistic.”

I just can’t believe people can be so cynical and heartless about this. Have a good afternoon.

To answer your question...

2008-05-02T02:43:00.000-07:00

Q. Are you the same Joshua Ligan that was interviewed for this recent article?

A. Yep, that's me.

The Three Persons of the Holy Trinity is a Divine Bayanihan, and the Communion of Saints is to reflect its Personal Life

2008-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

For the past few days, I’ve been reflecting on the Tagalog noun Bayanihan. (Pronounced buy-uh-nee-hun.) It is a beautiful word, similar to the Indonesian Gotong Royong, used in Southeast Asian Anthropology to express a cooperative undertaking or a concerted effort in a communal setting. More commonly, it refers to an old rural tradition, illustrated above in the painting by Joselito Barcelona, in which neighbours worked together to help a family move their new home to a set location. I had written on this blog about Bayanihan before, but after I discussed this further with my friends Claudine and Eric on AIM, and native Tagalog speakers*, especially my cousin Jaimee and my friend Katherine, I realized I had something more going here. The root words are bayani, meaning ‘hero’, and bayan, which is a word that can mean ‘people’, ‘community’, or ‘nation’. The –an suffix denotes a communal action, so therefore Bayanihan means ‘a community or people coming together as one to pool their efforts for the common good, and to achieve a feat that is impossible by one single person’. I suppose that this is also a valid explanation of how the Trinity works, just as Saint John of Damascus developed the doctrine of Perichoresis (‘mutual indwelling’) a little more than a millennium and a half ago.

How are the Persons of the Holy and Undivided Trinity a Bayanihan? I believe the three Persons of the Trinity work together in unity to accomplish what is impossible for us to achieve on our own: The redemption of humankind. God the Father prepared the way for redemption through the seers, sages, and prophets; God the Son completed the work of redemption through his life, death, and resurrection; and God the Holy Spirit applies the continuation of Christ’s redeeming work in the world through the Church’s ministry of reconciliation and in the administration of the sacraments. All three Persons cooperate as one God to accomplish human redemption: For it is this Three-Personed God who builds us up, shows us the way, and gathers us into a loving embrace.

The underlying message of the Trinitarian Bayanihan is this: That we are not alone, but this one God surrounds us with his singular love in a Trinity of Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Trinity stands in solidarity with us and will see us through the difficulties. It is they who will carry us home.

Indeed, it is the same for us. One individual cannot do it alone; but if we unite together as one Body in Christ by power of the Holy Spirit as an active, living offering to the Father, marvelous works and mighty acts can happen to the glory of God. We share in the Divine Bayanihan when we come together as one consecrated people, seeking make God incarnate in our lives through the divinization of our efforts, even the smallest of our actions. In sharing our human nature, our Saviour Jesus Christ draws humankind into the personal life and union of the Holy Trinity; by Holy Baptism, we receive this Trinitarian life and fellowship, which is not only ours but shared with all people of all times- the Communion of Saints.

We affirm this, our true life and identity, in our Baptismal Covenant. Therefore we are to stand in solidarity with each other as God stands in solidarity with us, and work and pray for justice and peace on earth, creatively applying the fruits of redemption in all times and seasons, and in all circumstances, even if it is difficult. We may find ourselves in the most trying of situations to show God’s grace, mercy, compassion, and love, but united as one, and contributing our talents and best efforts, persist we must. We are to cooperate as one People, professing one faith and one baptism.

In the Communion of the Persons of the Holy Trinity, the Communion of Saints finds its strength, source, and inspiration. May we, the cherished People of God, ever live in this Communion and share the Bayanihan of the Most Holy and Undivided Trinity. Saranam.

__________________________________________________________

*Despite my Filipino heritage, I am regrettably not a native Tagalog speaker. As I was born and raised in the United States, my mother tongue is the English language. However, I did manage to acquire sufficient conversational skills in the Tagalog language through interacting with family here and in the Philippines, and by a massive dosage of Filipino programming as a child.

Thank you to the Rev’d Fr. Matthew Cadwell (“The Hammer of Heretics” à la Saint Anthony of Padua) for theologically screening this post and making sure I wasn't falling into heresy!

So I finally succumbed...

2008-04-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

...and bought a set of Anglican prayer beads.

My new set of Anglican prayer beads

Along with my close friend Eric, I've been exploring their use, and the spirituality behind them. I really like how it shares with the Roman Catholic Rosary* a theology of the Incarnation, but with Anglican prayer beads, there is a theology of applying the Incarnation and Redemption to the whole Creation, in all times, seasons, and ages. I really like this, and I've been utilizing the prayer beads in my spare moments, and before bed. (I pray Chaplets and the Rosary in bed to help me fall asleep.) Also, I like the Jesus Prayer and Trisagion combination. I'm a sucker for historic prayers, haha!

Strange, isn't it? I posted a defence of the Roman Rosary on this blog a few months ago, and now I've changed my position!

Don't get me wrong, I still like the Roman Rosary, and I pray it every day, preferably in the morning. I like the catechetical value to it. Along with seasonal hymns and a collect, it makes an effective teaching tool. My Roman Rosary has become old and ragged with use and tepid devotion, and it goes with me wherever I go. It's very dear to my heart, and I think I would shed a tear if I lost it.

My worn-out Roman Rosary

________________________________________________________

*Anglican Prayer Beads are not properly a Rosary, so I believe it is incorrect to say 'Anglican Rosary', or call any other prayer beads from other Christian denominations and non-Christian religions 'rosaries'. The name 'Rosary' is derived from the Medieval Marian spirituality behind the Roman Rosary. Each Hail Mary bead is thought of to be a 'rose' offered to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and so thus the Rosary is a 'rose garden'.

The Credo on the Eucharist by Pope Gregory VII (1020–1085)

2008-04-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

You can get more Coptic Iconography from here.

"I believe in my heart and openly profess
that the bread and wine placed upon the altar are,
by the mystery of the sacred prayer
and the words of the Redeemer,
substantially changed
into the true and life-giving flesh and blood
of Jesus Christ our Lord,
and that after the consecration,
there is present the true body of Christ
which was born of the Virgin
and offered up for the salvation of the world,
hung on the cross and now sits at the right hand of the Father,
and that there is present the true blood of Christ
which flowed from his side.
They are present not only by means of a sign
and of the efficacy of the Sacrament,
but also in the very reality and truth of their nature and substance."

Amen. I profess, I confess, I believe.

Forgive us, Lord, for denying the hope of Redemption and Resurrection : We still murder you throughout the world

2008-03-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Hail Mary, full of sorrows,
the Crucified One is with you:
tearful are you among women,
and tearful is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of the Crucified,
grant tears to us crucifiers of your Son,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

-Traditional variation on the Ave Maria

It may be Easter season for us, but for many others, Holy Week, perhaps even Good Friday, has just begun.

Josh's Sermonette for the Third Sunday in Lent

2008-02-23T18:21:00.000-08:00

I gave this sermonette on the Facebook group, Notoriously Anglican.

Old Testament Lesson: Exodus 17.1-7
Psalm 95: “Venite, exultemus”
New Testament Lesson: Romans 5.1-11
Gospel: St. John 4.5-26

+ In the Name of the one, holy, and everliving God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, who visits us when we thirst and invites us to drink deeply of his divinity. Saranam.

Once upon a hot day, Jesus comes to a well, and asks a woman for a drink of water.

The woman asks Jesus, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?” At that time, Jews did not fellowship with Samaritans.

And Jesus answers her. “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink’, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

She protests. “But you have no bucket! And the well is quite deep!”

But Jesus persists. He doesn’t care if she says she can’t draw water for him. “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.”

It’s a hot, dry world out there, and we search and long for something that can quench our spiritual thirst. We search for it in other religions or spiritualities, philosophical ideas, or even in temporal pleasure. But when we answer the invitation to drink deeply of the living water, we answer the call to share in Christ’s divine life, a life of theosis, a life that is constantly being washed and cleansed in living water. A life that is constantly being made fertile by living water. A life that is constantly being born again in living water. And like at the dawn of creation, when the primal Spirit whispered the Name over the waters that birthed the world into being, so too from the water we are created anew, being sanctified by the Spirit and marked as Christ’s own forever. It is this water in which we are clothed with the radiant garment of righteousness, and we are established among the children of God’s Commonwealth of Peace. In this ever-flowing water, we are raised up, renewed, and wonderfully restored to perfection by him through whom all things were made, Jesus Christ our Saviour.

In so living a life of theosis, we too must give drink to those who are thirsty. For it is Christ who thirsts, and we serve him by serving them, and by loving them as he loves us. And even someone so unnoticed, perhaps despised by neighbours because he or she may be different that they are, Christ invites them also to live a life of theosis, and to share this divine life with others. His divine life is not limited to just the few, the holy, the theologically adept, or those who are spiritually ‘in tune’, but for all people. He calls all to be living water to the world.

Christ bids us to drink deeply of him, as he drinks deeply of us! All who are thirsty, come to the living water, for that water is love! Yes, you! Yes, you wanderer, you lover of leaving, you unclean one! Yes, you heretic, you prostitute, you illegitimate child of scandal! Yes, you members of the Episcopal Church in the United States, members of the Anglican Church of Nigeria, members of the Diocese of New Hampshire, members of the Diocese of New Westminster, members of the Diocese of Pittsburgh, and members of the Diocese of Sydney! Yes, you members of Affirming Catholicism and Forward in Faith! Yes, you members of Church Society, Accepting Evangelicals, and Inclusive Church! Yes, you members of the Global North and Global South! Yes, even you! Come to the wellspring of transformation and live in him! He doesn’t care if you searched for love in all the wrong places. He comes to you, asks for you, and invites you to share a love, a living love, with him. Let him fill the buckets of your souls with living water!

Christ, the early lover of souls, came to give us life in all its fullness, and to fulfill the promise of new and unending life. Won’t you share in that life of love, and “come to share in the divinity of him who came to share in our humanity”? (1979 Book of Common Prayer, page 288)

Don’t say, “I can’t”. Live your baptism. There are thirsty people all around. Gush out with Christ’s divinity, and splash others with Christ’s divinity too.

And let the people say, Amen.

I think I want to hurl...

2008-02-15T17:10:00.000-08:00

44%

But yet I don't think it horrifying at all that I partake of the very Body and very Blood of my dearest friend, Jesus Christ, in the form of bread and wine at Holy Communion every Sunday. Isn't Holy Communion a sort of bloodless cannibalism?

Sometimes...

2008-02-13T02:13:00.001-08:00

...I think I want to leave the Episcopal Church. With all the drama and internal turmoil in the Church, and the rest of the Anglican Communion, at times you feel so compelled to depart for a place where you can spiritually grow and be lifted up. I'd like a bit of peace and quiet, and a parish family that is supportive, but instead, all I've known is tumult and distress from within the Church.

One of my problems is that I get hurt so easily. In life, you will always have an enemy, someone who despises you or condemns you, someone who will never forgive you, someone who thinks less of you and talks behind your back, or even someone hellbent on destroying you. It hurts, oh golly it hurts to be so rejected, and to be treated as if you were nothing. And what is worse is that even your own sisters and brothers, members of the Body of Christ - the living members of the Communion of Saints - a body of people that is supposed to be more meaningful that your own family, can and some will reject you too.

You want to feel loved, to be respected, and to be treated with dignity. Yet even members of the Church will act to the contrary.

I'm not strong enough to handle maltreatment, and I feel so weak at heart, and and I can shatter at any moment. This so called 'strength' I have is but only a facade, a defence mechanism to protect the slushy slurry that is within my soul.

Forgive me if my blog posts are depressing from time to time, but remember: This blog is mine, and it is my outlet to express how I feel in a constructive, prayerful way.

And so Gracious Father, I humbly beseech you, send me true friends to keep, and if I must be treated with contempt, then please God, for the sake of your Son's passion and cross, grant me the grace to be loving and forgiving even still, even unto the point of maltreatment. I offer these things, taking refuge in the Name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord; Saranam.

A Statement of Faith

2008-02-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

I received an e-mail recently asking me to clarify and identify what I believe in. It is possible that this person has not seen this blog entry on my personal beliefs. After all, I am a product of the creative tension between my Protestant upbringing, my Roman Catholic heritage, my extremely strong interests in Eastern Orthodoxy and Hasidic Judaism, my study of Rumi, and my deep commitment to Anglicanism through the Episcopal Church. However, for ease of reference, I have made this formal document that uses official proclamations, statements, and affirmations of the church’s doctrine throughout the centuries and to the recent day.

In the Name of the All-Holy and Undivided Trinity, Source of unity and diversity, I do so witness to these as basic statement of Christian belief:

-Deuteronomy 6.4;
-St. John 3.17;
-Philippians 2:1-22;
-Colossians 1:15-20;
-Ephesians 1:3-14;
-Ephesians 3;
-1 Corinthians 15.3-7; and
-1 John 4.12-14.

And upholding the catholic and apostolic Faith, quod ubique, quod semper, quod ab omnibus ¹, I therefore affirm with the historic church:

-The Apostles’, Nicene ², and Athanasian ³ Creeds;
-The Chalcedonian Definition of the Human and Divine Natures of Christ;
-The Rule of Faith of Saint Irenaeus;
-The Creed of Saint Patrick of Armagh; and
-The Seven Ecumenical Councils.

And upholding Anglican heritage and contemporary Christian expression and scholarship, I therefore affirm with the Anglican Communion and the Episcopal Church:

-The Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral (Resolution 11 of the 1888 Lambeth Conference);
-The Appeal to All Christian People (Resolution 9 of the 1920 Lambeth Conference);
-Resolution 55 of the 1920 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 3 of the 1930 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 49 of the 1930 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 6 of the 1948 Lambeth Conference;
-Reolution 117 of the 1948 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 1 of the 1958 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 2 of the 1958 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution 3 of the 1958 Lambeth Conference;
-Resolution A047 of the 1982 General Convention;
-Resolution B005 of the 1976 General Convention;
-Resolution A050 of the 1985 General Convention;
-Resolution D090 of the 1982 General Convention;
-Resolution C047 of the 1991 General Convention;
-Resolution A129 of the 2006 General Convention;
-Resolution D069 of the 2006 General Convention;
-The Catechism of The Book of Common Prayer, 1979; and
-The Catechism of Creation.

And upholding Catholic Anglicanism, I therefore affirm with many in the High Church Movement:

-The Necessary Doctrine and Erudition for Any Christian Man, also known as the King’s Book, of 1543;
-The Catechism of The Book of Common Prayer, 1549; and
-The Ornaments Rubric.

____________________________________________________

¹ Saint Vincent of Lérins (d. 445): “What (was believed) everywhere, always and by everyone.”

² Sans the Filioque clause

³ Whilst I can affirm the Athanasian Creed, I hold particularly and remarkably strong reservations as to the startling damnatory clauses.

A short prayer as I begin Lent

2008-02-06T02:18:00.000-08:00

Dear God, as I begin Lent today and turn my heart to you, may I give myself more fully, more lovingly, more passionately in the rapture of your tender embrace. Do not let me wander so far from you as to get lost, but walk with me along this journey. Cleave to me as I cleave to you, and as you hold me close in your merciful arms, whisper to me your gracious will that I may only see your beauty and truth in this world. These things I pray through Jesus Christ my Lord. To him, to you, and to the Holy Spirit, be all glory and honour, now and forever. Amen.

"Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day"

2008-02-02T02:03:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favourite hymns. It was written by Justin Mulcahy and it first appeared in a hymnal in 1963. Perfectly expands on the maxim "To Jesus through Mary."

Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day;
Mary the Gate, Christ the Heav’nly Way!

Mary the Root, Christ the Mystic Vine;
Mary the Grape, Christ the Sacred Wine!

Mary the Wheat-sheaf, Christ the Living Bread;
Mary the Rose-Tree, Christ the Rose Blood-red!

Mary the Font, Christ the Cleansing Flood;
Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood!

Mary the Temple, Christ the Temple’s Lord;
Mary the Shrine, Christ the God adored!

Mary the Beacon, Christ the Haven’s Rest;
Mary the Mirror, Christ the Vision Blest!

Mary the Mother, Christ the Mother’s Son.
Both ever blest while endless ages run.

*The Japanese vision of the ever-blessed Virgin Mother of God and her Son is from this site commemorating the Martyrs of Japan.

A Rendition of the Blazhen Muzh based on the Psalter in The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

2008-01-16T02:24:00.000-08:00

The Russian Blazhen Muzh is a pastiche of verses from Psalms 1, 2, and 3 that are used in the Vespers services of the Eastern Churches. Using the Psalter found in the Episcopal prayer book, I have pieced together a rendition of the Blazen Muzh into a form familiar to The Book of Common Prayer, 1979 so that Episcopalians may also enrich their own Office of Evensong. If using this for an Invitatory Psalm, omit the Gloria Patri. The Blazhen Muzh is not appropriate during Lent, but is especially appropriate for Easter, as an ‘evening equivalent’ to the Pascha Nostrum.

Happy are they who have not walked in the counsel of the wicked, *
for the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked is doomed. Alleluia.

Submit to the Lord with fear, *
and with trembling bow before him. Alleluia.

Happy are they all *
who take refuge in him! Alleluia.

Rise up, O Lord; set me free, O my God. *
Deliverance belongs to the Lord,
and your blessing is upon your people. Alleluia.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: *
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.

Joshua Ligan 2008.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Licence. You are free to share, copy, distribute, display, and perform the work; or to make derivative works, provided that you attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor. You may not use this work for commercial purposes.

A Theological Reflection for the Feast of Sinulog

2008-01-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

This photo of the Holy Child statue was taken at Auntie Lea's home on a 2007 visit to Cebu.

Yesterday was Sinulog (see-NOO-lug), the liturgical feast of the Infant Lord Jesus, the Sovereign Holy Child of Cebu (Señor Santo Niño de Cebú), which is celebrated the first Sunday after the Epiphany (the BIG event is on the Third Sunday of January, however) by Episcopalians/Anglicans, Roman Catholics, and Aglipayans of Cebuano extraction. My mother hails from the Province of Cebu, which is the first island to be colonized by the Roman Catholic Spanish, so as an Filipino American who has Cebuano ancestry, this local tradition is very, very dear to my heart.

Now, I suppose I could give you a list of all the REALLY cool cultural traditions, liturgical dances, purported miracles, weird superstitions, and old legends that surround the statue of the Sovereign Holy Child, but I think I'll save that for later in the week, should I feel like posting about it. However, I will write about whom credit is due: The Sovereign Holy Child himself, Christ our Lord.

It's hard to place someone so helpless as a babe, as the Ruler of our hearts and souls. It really does not make sense to make a baby of questionable birth in primitive diapers and who had to be carried by his own mother, a King. Of course, it would be foolish! How can a baby who cannot walk, talk, or fully see be the Chief of Chiefs and Lord of Lords? Yet this is the God who dared and yearned (and still does) to share the fullness of his Divinity with mere humans, and he had a plan "not by might, nor by power, but by his Spirit." (Zechariah 4.6)

As the Holy Spirit overshadowed the womb of the Virgin and Ever-blessed Bearer of God, so by the power of the Holy Spirit, Christ our God is born again and again through Holy Mother Church in its ministry and in administration of the Sacraments. As we plant the Word of God into our hearts, that seed germinates from the baptized dust that composes our human bodies and births Christ to the world. As we humbly and simply offer our own frail lives, God "who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine." (Ephesians 3.20) Indeed, as a Shinto priest once told me, "God is fulfilled in us, and we are fulfilled in God."

So you see, God didn't come by force or strength to overcome sin and death, but it was through the birth of a small child, God himself, that God came to deliver us from the power of evil. Therefore, let us humbly offer ourselves to give birth to Christ's redemptive and reconciling work again and again with a resounding "Fiat!" as we yield to the workings of the Divine Spirit of Holiness that has merged and tabernacled within us.

"I am the handmaid of the Lord! Let it be done to me according to your word." (St. Luke 1.48) And so then, We, the members of Holy Mother Church- the Body of Christ, give birth to a King.

Lord Jesus Christ,
the Sovereign Holy Child of Cebu,
we consecrate today our thoughts of you,
only with you shall they be occupied;
our words, only of you shall they speak;
our sufferings, that we may endure them for your sake.
We beg you, Sovereign Holy Child,
illumine our understanding, kindle our will,
cleanse our body, sanctify our soul.
We wish what you wish,
because you wish, as you wish,
as long as you wish.
Amen.

A Litany with the Saints

2008-01-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

I was burning midnight oil the other night, and composed this Joshed-out spin on the contemporary version of the Roman Litany of the Saints. The ending collects (prayers) are from the Book of Common Prayer, 1979. Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy!

Compassionate God, whose mercy is steadfast for all time,
surround us with your love.

Saviour Christ, who sets us free from sin,
surround us with your grace.

Restoring Spirit, who witnesses to the Divinity,
surround us with your presence.

Blessed Trinity, One God in three persons,
surround us with your power.

Holy Mary, Virgin Bearer of God,
pray with us.

Holy Joseph, Mary's spouse,
pray with us.

John the Baptist,
pray with us.

Peter and Paul,
pray with us.

Matthias the Apostle,
pray with us.

Mark the Evangelist,
pray with us.

Philip and James,
pray with us.

Barnabas the Apostle,
pray with us.

Mary the Magdalene,
pray with us.

James the Apostle,
pray with us.

Bartholomew the Apostle,
pray with us.

Luke the Evangelist,
pray with us.

John of Jerusalem,
pray with us.

Simon and Jude,
pray with us.

Andrew the Apostle,
pray with us.

Thomas the Apostle,
pray with us.

John the Beloved,
pray with us.

Joachim and Anne,
pray with us.

Anna and Simeon,
pray with us.

Mary and Martha of Bethany,
pray with us.

Veronica the Favoured,
pray with us.

Stephen the Martyr,
pray with us.

Cornelius the Centurion,
pray with us.

Timothy and Titus,
pray with us.

Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Ishmael,
pray with us.

Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leach, and Hagar,
pray with us.

Moses and Aaron,
pray with us.

Isaiah and Elijah,
pray with us.

All you Prophets, Seers, and Sages,
pray with us.

All you Holy Martyrs,
pray with us.

All you Witnesses to God,
pray with us.

All you who looked to God in hope,
pray with us.

All you Pastors and Teachers,
pray with us.

All you Holy Souls Departed,
pray with us.

All you Holy Men and Women,
pray with us.

With all your saints, we invoke your Mighty Name, Redeemer Christ,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

With all your Church past and present,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For your One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church,
and for its members and mission,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For all Bishops, Priests, and Deacons,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For our Nation and all in authority,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For our city and community,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For all who suffer and all those in trouble,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For all those who are dear to us.
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For the salvation of our souls and the forgiveness of our sins,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For all those who those who do not know you,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For the peace of the departed,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

For all our prayers and petitions,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Giving you all our thanks,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Declaring your works and wonders,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Recalling your life, death, and resurrection,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Pleading your Blood and merits,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Awaiting your coming in glory,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Opening our hearts and hands,
Jesus, we invoke your Name.

Approaching boldly the throne of grace, as you taught us we now pray

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your Name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those
who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial,
and deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Give thanks to God, all you saints of God,
God's mercy endures for ever!

Let us pray.

Almighty God,
by your Holy Spirit
you have made us one with your saints
in heaven and on earth:
Grant that in our earthly pilgrimage
we may always be supported
by this fellowship of love and prayer,
and know ourselves to be surrounded
by their witness to your power and mercy.
We ask this for the sake of Jesus Christ,
in whom all our intercessions
are acceptable through the Spirit,
and who lives and reigns for ever and ever.
Amen.

or

Almighty God,
with whom still live the spirits
of those who die in the Lord,
and with whom the souls of the faithful
are in joy and felicity:
We give you heartfelt thanks
for the good examples of all your servants,
who, having finished their course in faith,
now find rest and refreshment.
May we, with all who have died
in the true faith of your holy Name,
have perfect fulfillment and bliss
in your eternal and everlasting glory;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

I want s'more soup, please...

2008-01-04T01:24:00.000-08:00

As I'm typing this, I'm in bed sniffling, tearing, and feeling downright sick since I got drenched in the rain yesterday afternoon. So forgive me if I sound a little foggy-minded, and if my post lacks the usual lustre.

Sometimes I have this longing I can't explain sometimes. It's like a relentless hunger and thirst to know more, and to feel such union with God that you can never be separated from him again. Night after night this feeling bugs you, morning after morning, you sigh with utter yearning. You search for God in a myriad of ways - through different spiritual techniques, meditation, prayer, books, pilgrimages, and even trying to live your life in simplicity. Yet you can't find him, and most of the time, you feel the hem of his garment, and then suddenly, you've lost grasp of it. You can't help but feel empty.

It never satisfies you. Holy Communion or meditating on scripture may satisfy you for one moment, but then you want more. It's like a climax of a high that you wish you could prolong, but nah, it fades after a few moments of basking in the wonder. You want that joy, and you want it NOW. Because it is want keeps you going on toward the goal. And not only that, but you want to share that same joy with others.

Do you ever feel like that? Searching, pining, desiring more? Is it greedy or selfish to feel like this?

***********************************

As discussed on AIM with Eric B.

Eric: yay! my internet is back

Josh: I'm glad.

Eric: i'm listening to the liturgical music you sent me a while back - "The Earth Is Full of the Goodness of the Lord" (love it)

Josh: Ah, yes. The responsorial psalm.

Eric: so, what's on your mind, melon rind?

Josh: *sigh*

Josh: A lot of stuff.

Josh: But I've been having this weird feeling lately.

Eric: *hands josh an e-martini*

Eric: Yeah?

Josh: Thanks.

Josh: It's something I haven't felt since I was Pentecostal, y'know.

Josh: Like this utter longing and yearning for God.

Josh: And it doesn't see, rational.

Josh: *seem

Josh: I mean, we all admire the mystics.

Josh: Although some question them.

Josh: And if we do seek their examples or read their works, they’ll say we're trying to validate our own spiritualities.

Josh: But sometimes you really just want a touch from God, right?

Josh: To plunge into his depths and drink of your fill.

Eric: Exactly

Josh: It's like trying to prolong a high you get from the Holy Communion.

Josh: And you try to do it even in your daily life.

Josh: To live Communion.

Josh: But it's not enough.

Eric: Yes

Josh: You want more, and more, and more.

Josh: Is it wrong to have these feelings?

Eric: Absolutely not

Josh: Is it pride?

Eric: You know, what? I'm going to e-mail you a page from Brian McLaren's book

Eric: He describes exactly what you're going through (maybe)

Eric: It's about the relationship between Catholic mystics and Pentecostal Christians

Eric: And wanting more of God

Josh: Oooooooh.

Eric: It's fascinating

Josh: Thanks!

Eric: Because that's definitely not weird...and it's probably a sign and a call from God herself :P Be honest 'bout it

Eric: *grins* When God's got a job, she calls in the Bitch Squad

Josh's Bilingual Christmas Message 2007 (Tagalog video message with English translation below)

2007-12-23T05:50:00.000-08:00

This is one of my exercises in the Tagalog language, since I never really get enough practice in it, even with my parents, who are natively Tagalog speaking. I was really lazy to create English subtitles on the video itself, so I’m providing the English translation after the Tagalog transcript in this blog entry. This is one of those HIGHLY rare occasions when you’ll see me speak Tagalog, so enjoy! Merry Christmas!

And note, for those native Tagalog speakers, I KNOW I HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT, OKAY?

Oy, here goes:

Here's the Tagalog transcript, and the English translation.

May mga panahon na nararamdaman natin na gumuguho na ang lahat sa ating paligid, na parang wala na tayong halaga at wasak na ang ating mga puso at sarili. Iniwan na tayo ng ating mga kaibigan at pamilya, at naiwan tayong nag-iisa. Pero sa mga panahon na ito natin nararamdaman ang diwa at kagandahan ng pagdating ng Panginoon. Ito ang nagbibigay sa atin ng pag-asa at pagtanggap sa ating sarili ng kabutihan ng ating puso. Nag-iisa man tayo o kasama ng ating pamilya at mga kaibigan, alam natin na ang pag-asang ito ay para sa ating lahat. Nagkakaisa tayo dahil dito at alam nating hindi tayo nag-iisa. Iisang pag-asa, iisang puso at iisang pangarap. Hali na kayo at samahan niyo ako sa paglalakbay natin patungo sa pag-asa ng Pasko, at malalaman ninyo na hindi kayo nag-iisa. Sana magkaroon tayo ng mabuting paglalakbay patungo sa pag-asang ito.

There are times when we feel that everything around us is falling apart. We feel shattered and broken; our friends abandon us, our families ignore us, and suddenly we are left alone. Yet this is when the beauty of the Lord’s coming comes in. The journey toward the Nativity of the Peace Child gives us renewed hope, when for one moment we join in the affirmation of our heart’s purest intentions. Whether you were alone on this journey towards Christmas or commenced the season with family and friends, know that hope belongs to all of us; it is something we all share. It is in this sharing of hope that we join together as one. We know, therefore, that we are not alone. One hope, one heart, one desire. Join with me and with each other as we rejoice in the hope of Christmas, and know that you are not alone.

**********************

This is the Christmas carol Joy to the World in the ancient Tagalog script. (Modern Tagalog and English below.)

O magsaya at magdiwang
Pagka't sumilang na
Ang Hari ng lahat
Ang Hari ng lahat
Kaya't ating buksan
Kaya't ating buksan
Ang pinto ng ating pagmamahal

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Quiche and the Liturgy

2007-12-09T02:00:00.000-08:00

After my family’s financial downturn, we’ve been scrimping money that we get from our local recycling programme for birthdays, special occasions, and holidays. It reminds you of how British housewives saved ration tickets during World War II, but given the fact that I am Filipino, my grandparents didn’t have ration tickets after the Japanese invaded the Philippines, they just starved.

Anyhow, on 6 November we celebrated my mum’s birthday, and she always requests me to whip up something special. Last year it was kare-kare, and this year it was quiche.

We had $80 left over from Thanksgiving, so I went to the supermarket excitedly because I had learned how to make a classical French quiche when attended the California Culinary Academy in San Francisco two years ago, and I was very eager for this opportunity to show off my skills. I bought balsamic vinegar, full-fat cream, jumbo eggs, red onions, fresh spinach, nutmeg, white wine, fresh thyme, lavender, tarragon, bay leaf, and a leek. (The last five ingredients were for the bouquet garni.) I did cheat however, and bought a pie crust since I was lazy to make dough. Unlike many French recipes, I forwent the bacon à la Julia Child.

Once I got home, I began prepare the quiche. I sautéed the red onions with the bouquet garni and some salt, reduced the heat, let them caramelize for 40 minutes, and deglazed the pan with the balsamic vinegar and white wine. I chopped the spinach and sweated it with the caramelized onions. I beat the eggs with cream and added a little milk. The kitchen began to smell lovely, so my mum came down to have a look-see.

Mum began to gawk in her characteristic Taglish. “Hoy, why this onion so brown hah?”

“Mum, it’s supposed to caramelize.” I responded.
“But it look so bad ah.”
“Mum, that’s what the chefs taught me, okay?”
“Your chef can’t cook good.”

I initially shrugged off her incessant nagging, but then it got worse.

“Where’s the cheese?”
“Mum, this is supposed to be classical. There is NO cheese in classical French quiche.”
“But I want cheese! It’s my birthday, you know.”

Then later, as the quiche was baking happily in the oven, my mother peeked at it through the see-through window.

“The crust is burn-burn ah!” She screamed.

I raced to the oven, and peered through.

“It’s not burnt, Mum. The crust is just browner. It’s a savoury custard pie so the crust is supposed to be a bit browner.”
“It’s burn!”
“It’s not burnt, Mum. It’s supposed to be like that!”
“You crazy. Naku, you try to burn the house down ah!”
“I’m not!”
“Yes you are!”
“Then make your own quiche, Mum! Let’s see who’s better at this game!”

I handed my mother the leftover money, but I didn’t think she’d actually head off to the supermarket. I thought she’d stay and home and keep quiet, and that eventually, when she’d taste the darn quiche, she’d be converted to the traditional way of doing things.

But no, she actually left, bought her own ingredients.

So after she came home, she made the quiche her own way, with Cheddar cheese (at least use Gruyère cheese!) and a bit of chopped garlic croutons. I stood there aloof, thinking that I’d win this whole kerfuffle.

I have to admit, her finished quiche did look fabulous and mine looked a bit ugly, but then again, being true to culinary orthodoxy was the best and safest route to success in my opinion.

At her birthday dinner, we presented our quiches. As customary, Dad always got the first taste of the best dish. After he tasted our quiches, I perked up, “So which one tastes better?” He grunted, and then replied, “They both taste the same to me.”

Mum and I sat there flummoxed. What? Dad thinks they’re the same? C’mon! Mine was faithful to French culinary tradition and very orthodox. Mum’s was just some bastardized thing she learned from Better Homes and Gardens. How could he not think mine was better?

Yet it made me think of something. As we ramble and fight over which Book of Common Prayer is the true book, which style of worship is valid, and who celebrates liturgy in the ‘correct’ way, do you think that God even cares if we say the Collect of Purity at the beginning of the rite or not? Does he even care whether you use Rite I or Rite II? I think not.

Because to him, it all tastes the same. A fragrant offering and sacrifice to him. Our bounden duty, and our special privilege.

“It is meet and right so to do.”

Wrestling with Jacob's Angel this First Sunday of Advent: "I will not let you go until you bless me"

2007-12-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

Today, I attended church for the first time since the last week of August. For two months and a half, I haven’t talked to God, prayed, and have refused to go to church, because I felt, somehow, that God abandoned me. Oddly this First Sunday of Advent, I somehow felt excited, and that I wanted to go, or rather, I had to go. I had been depressed and feeling hurt for long enough. I didn’t care what people would say when I walked through those narthex doors and headed to the nave. This was my time, and I was going to claim the blessing that is rightfully mine as a child of God, and an inheritor of God’s kingdom through the Mystery and Sacrament of Holy Baptism.

Every word meant something to me today. The theme of hope, of this longing for God’s mercy, shattered and penetrated my heart, as we read the collect for this Sunday, and lit the first candle (for hope) in the Advent Wreath. I could literally feel the Lord ‘casting away the works of darkness’ in my life as today's collect said. This Sunday’s psalm was Psalm 122 and I when I recited the first line with the congregation, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord.’” I truly meant it. The first line from this Sunday’s Epistle was also applicable. “Besides this, you know what time it is, how it is now the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer than when we become believers; the night is far gone, and the day is near.” (Romans 13.11-12, NRSV)

Before the Liturgy of the Eucharist, Father Rey invited those who desired it the Anointing with Oil and the offering of prayers for healing. I was bit hesitant at first, but I literally, yes literally, rushed to the front. I would not let the Lord go until he blessed me. Not this time. It was my first time to receive the Anointing and the Laying on of Hands within a Mass, and it was certainly my first time (ever) to sob in an Episcopal Church. As Father Ray anointed my head, and laid his hands on my head and heart, I cried like how a child does when they scrape a knee or fall off a bike.

Last night, my English-speaking Taiwanese aunt Yu-li (English name: Jennifer), a nun, who is visiting Canada at present, chatted with me and my family online. As always, she dominates the conversation, and hardly allows us to type. Allow me to copy and paste a transcript of what she said to my father (Victor) and me:

Yu Li says:
but you have to really cry out to God in prayer and want for it otherwise the enemies will take away the blessings what God want to give you
Victor (my father) says:
I totally agree.
Yu Li says:
You have to lay hold of God for this miracle as Jacob fight with the angel
Yu Li says:
without blessing me I will not let go of you
Yu Li says:
then the angel blessed him and he overcome
Yu Li says:
you are home not to watch God pass by but you must cry out to God and prepare yourself to see the King
Yu Li says:
who is able to come and redeem your situation.
Yu Li says:
please do not lose hope
Yu Li says:
and you Josh, the more you recall the more you realize how good is our heavenly Father who never forsake His children no matter what
Yu Li says:
come back to God and ask His mercy and forgiveness
Yu Li says:
God is still with you, but do you still believe He is with you?
Yu Li says:
now you need to start to count the goodness of God
Yu Li says:
when the prodigal son return to the father and repent, how the father treat him
Yu Li says:
with love and forgiveness and acceptance, right?

What she said was very similar to an entry I posted before. So Auntie Jennifer, or rather, Sister Yu-li, I listened to the advice you gave my Father and me last night. I have fought with the angel today, and I will continue to leech him out everyday until he blesses me with what I deserve. And I will count my blessings.

As we keep awake for the coming of the Lord, who prepares a light for our path, please pray with me:

Come, O Lord, and save me. I will not let you go until you bless me. Saranam.

"My Deliverer is coming, my Deliverer is standing by"*

2007-12-01T14:35:00.000-08:00

As we cross the threshold into the Christian New Year at midnight and begin the season of Advent, I end these two years with a sad yet, hopeful note; a reflection on a story so full of sadness, yet a plea for saving grace. My family and I have gone through this set of anni horribilii, desperate for an answer from God, and seeking a miracle to relieve our distress.

I had hoped to return to the way life was; my old life, my old settings, and my old friends. Yet things are impermanent, and there is no way to bring all that worked well back. You can only face the present and the future with courage and bravery. In retrospect, we let the clouds of despair cover the mountaintops of our lives, instead of shining in the sun’s majesty; a sure and certain symbol that there is hope when the mountain is too large for you to handle.

Problem came after problem last year, and worsened quite greatly this year, and is worsening, especially at present. I have questions like, “Where will I be after this holiday season?”, “What will happen to my family, especially Mum and Dad?”, and “What will or should I do now?” Questions like these frighten me, because I like to have a plan and follow it thoroughly, even to the smallest jot and tittle. When the plan is not implemented as I would like it, I become quite frustrated and perplexed, and if you know me well, I become much frazzled over little details.

The lessons I learned are the strength of family, the value of money, and accepting God’s will, even if you like it or not. Two years ago, my family and I lived a very stable and generous life, to see all things surrounding you fall apart, was so terrible that we had to ship my father to the hospital several times because of anxiety attacks, and then wonder how we would pay the hospital bill. In fact, we got one of our cars repossessed (to our embarrassment) and next week we are headed to a bankruptcy court. To go from faithful stability to sullen poverty was too much for Dad, and reminded me of how in the Holy Gospel, the law-observant, rich man asked Christ how to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and Christ said, “To go through an eye of a needle."

I had worries, concerns, questions, and kerfuffles of my own, and I have them, even at present. How can I get a job where I have no where to base myself? Where can I find a place to live? How do I continue my education? How can I pay my school loan off? How can I pay for my medication when I have no insurance? What do I do now? These questions penetrate my mind every night, because once again as I’ve told you, I like to make plans. Although my desperation doesn’t compare to my parents or my older siblings, I am left to ultimately to consider my future alone. Allow my honest, blunt confession: I need a place to live until I can support myself and find my own place, and I need money to help me commence my new life; because no one in my family, with their own attempts to survive cannot take me in or lend me enough money to last a month. My own parents barely have $2,000 in their account.

What feels strange is how abandoned you feel. Now before I continue with this paragraph, please allow me the chance express my thanks those who listened to me cry or rant on the phone, Skype, Windows Messenger, or AIM. You have been wonderful to me. Yet others have abandoned me, and it makes you realize who your real friends are. It is not that I am stupid. I know what you say, huddled in your little corners at the parish hall. I know what is thought of me. You see, when others need help, some people just leave them to the streets, and say, “I hope somebody nice finds you.” So thus you feel betrayed by the Church you’ve grown to love. As for your non-Christian friends, suddenly you have none, no invitations to parties, and even no acknowledgement as a friend. “Who are you? I don’t know you.” Sure you do. You just can’t suck the life-blood out of me anymore. In fact, someone I once thought was my best-friend, threw me out, literally, on the street.

Yet I know I have every right to be happy, and I deserve more than this. I once swore that I will win, that I would be successful, and that I will not become a loser. My nostalgia and my despair is overbearing sometimes, but I know I have to be brave. So when I crossover at midnight to a new year, I pledge to make this year a good one, even with ruts in my wheels as I journey to the promise. I may need your help sometimes, but it will be acknowledged gratefully, and help me go a long way. Whether circumstances worsen or even improve, I will win, because my God is a winner, even if the World thinks I’ve lost the race to another. No tears, but only a smile on my smile. May this Advent, the season in which we celebrate the coming of Christ, be a season in which restores my faith in a coming Deliverer and Saviour.

I end this entry with the Ani Ma'amin, which was in the Holocaust, the song many Jews sang on their way to the gas chambers.

“I believe with a complete belief
In the coming of the Messiah
And even though he may tarry
I will wait for him, whenever he comes.”

I will wait for you, Christ the Good Samaritan, however long it takes. Saranam.

____________________________________________________

*from the Rich Mullins Christmas song, "My Deliverer is coming."

To my first love...

2007-11-28T03:40:00.000-08:00

A few years ago before I moved to San Francisco, I had a boyfriend named Kent.

I spent two years after high school living, I suppose, an almost happy existence back in the South Bay. To the jealousy of others, I had a wonderful, tender boyfriend; a united, supportive family; a stable job; and I was surrounded by good friends who cherished my company. All that I wanted I had: Nothing could stop me and the pace in which the road rose up to greet me.

Yet all of that changed within one moment…

For three days, I called his mobile phone, waiting for him to answer. On the third day, his mother picked the phone.

She told me that was the day of Kent’s funeral.

I felt shattered. I couldn’t believe her. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Dear God, why did you let this happen? I had so many questions. This man was the centre of my universe, my rock, my wings, and the man who kept me warm on chilly nights.

I could feel myself descending into my own hell. This easy life I once lived was gone.

I left the college I was attending and transferred to another one. I couldn’t bear to walk the same corridors and pathways we walked on and pass the same bench we sat on. Every moment was a memory, every sigh was a plea to God, and every tear I cried was a wish the clock would turn back.

Let me offer my apologies to Eric and Father Rob. I know I promised both of you this week that I would honestly write about another topic on my current, sad state of affairs with myself and my family. Before I post up that topic and my sincere appeal for help, I feel that I should write about this first.

As I looked at old pictures tonight and listened to old CDs, all the emotions I once had came back. I can’t sufficiently express the feeling of nostalgia I had. I wanted my old life, the warmth of Kent’s pea coat, friends who are now far away in places like Los Angeles and Seattle; I wanted my childhood home back, the smiles on the faces of my family, tulips in the backyard, card games with Natalia and David, singing karaoke with Anthony, and fresh homemade fig jam. I still can’t let go – I won’t let go – I cannot let go.

There are things that I’m happy happened during the years after. Like the birth of my little cousin Yoanna, for example. Learning how to cook (well). Visiting Taiwan for the first time. Getting confirmed as an Episcopalian. Yet with every step I took, I could feel myself dying. What was I running away from? Why was everything falling around me? Where is that power, that strength, that drive I once had? How did this all happen? Who do I turn to now?

You’ll probably say to me, “Don’t look back.” But I can’t stop myself from doing so. As I consider the problems that surround me, I just wonder how I got this far.

Dear friends, please don’t judge me. Please don’t leave me. I’m scared, I really am. I don’t know what the future will bring, because every move I make toward a better tomorrow has only been disastrous.

So I say this once more: I love you, Kent. I miss you. My world has never been the same without you. North has turned to South, and East has turned to West. No relationship, no boyfriend I ever had has compared to what we shared. Give me a sign somehow that you still love me.

Gracious God, restore me, and save your servant. Saranam.

You've got mail

2007-11-25T08:05:00.001-08:00

I just received a very inspirational e-mail from Nona, my devoutly Catholic cousin from the Philippines after she listened to me rant online a few days ago. And yes, it's in English (don't they all speak English?), so no worries. I have nothing to translate.

So thank you, Nona, for sending me this at this difficult time. God bless.

************************************************************************

Date: Sunday, November 25, 2007 12:04 AM
Subject: Re: howdy
Message:

hey josh,

well...there's a lot of things to be thankful for...

actually, i've been praying for a lot of things and a lot of people. i'm just letting God be in charge of everything... because obviously we aren't... i've asked for a lot of signs before, but on His own time, He has shown me bit by bit what life is...

a personal relationship with God is so vital, it's how we live in Christ... whenever i'm sad or happy i come up to him and just talk to Him. He's always here with me to guide me and keep me firm.

nona

Had I the heaven's embroided cloths*

2007-11-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

*Okay, 'cloths' seems a bit weird to modern readers. You'd probably take it to mean 'clothes'. However, I do think that Yeats meant 'cloth', which in contemporary English would be both the plural and the singular. I haven't heard of anyone using 'cloths' before, but rather 'cloth' for the plural, so please, please don't think I'm making a grammatical typo.

Joshie, remember to eat your veggies!

2007-10-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or have I noticed that I'm perhaps the only gay Christian who hasn't become a vegetarian just yet?

More on this later. I'm lazy.

Oh, and a question to all the vegetarians/vegans out there: As a vegetarian/vegan, how do you keep a customarily meatless fast, day of special observance, or holy day of obligation? (i.e. Ash Wednesday, Penetential Days, Good Friday, Fridays in Lent, Commemorations of Martyrs.) Just bread and water? I know I've asked this several times, but I never got a straight answer.

Well, good night! Or rather, good early morning! Have a good All Hallows' Eve, or if you are celebrating it at your parish, Vigil of All Saints!

Opening Pandora's Box

2007-09-27T02:36:00.000-07:00

As I packed my moving boxes today, I opened a small box stocked in the closet that I hadn’t opened since I left San Francisco. As many of you may well know, I moved to Elk Grove from San Francisco last year, and in a few weeks, I shall be moving to Berkeley, which is part of the San Francisco Bay Area.

It was a rather strange reverie: Nostalgia mixed with hurt, pain blended with relief, and happy memories folded with depression at the way things are. My blissful emotive state that characterises each morning was thrown off, so I sat on the floor, leaned against the wall and sighed.

Within the box was contained a variety of things from the last chapter of my life. Among them were an angry draft letter to an ex-lover, my ‘lucky’ martini glass, notes for several classes, various pictures of me and friends at favourite places in San Francisco, a book I never returned to a friend, some incense I bought at the Haight-Ashbury, a flower (now dried) I snatched at the botanical gardens, a San Francisco directory, and birthday cards. Each piece had a certain memory that heightened my sense of feeling woefully alone here in Elk Grove.

In a sense, it was San Francisco that defined me, a once scrawny kid from Silicon Valley. (Which is actually in the San Francisco Bay Area too.) It was the city of my dreams, where I first tasted that glorious sense of freedom to be who I wanted to be. Like that old song, I really did ‘leave my heart in San Francisco’.

Although San Francisco is generally a happy memory, it was also the place where my hopes were dashed. I should rather like to leave the details blank. I did not leave San Francisco with a happy note, but rather with much sadness. This sadness only increased when I moved to a newly-incorporated suburban area of which sent me into much shock.

Many reasons surround my reasons for returning to the Bay Area in a few weeks, and I cannot state them all. The most pressing reason of them all is to ‘retrieve face’, which I lost in my failure to launch myself into the world with success.

I am returning to my origins; back to the Bay Area, where I grew up. It is my intent that I redeem my past and clear my name, and to claim the victory that is mine.

All I need now is hope.

The loveliness of Paris
Seems somehow sadly gay
The glory that was Rome
Is of another day
I've been terribly alone and forgotten in Manhattan
And I'm coming home to my city by the bay

I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars
Climb halfway to the stars!
And the morning fog will chill the air

My love waits there in San Francisco
Above the blue and windy sea
When I come home to you, San Francisco,
Your golden sun will shine for me!

I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars
Climb halfway to the stars!
And the morning fog will chill the air

My love waits there in San Francisco
Above the blue and windy sea
When I come home to you, San Francisco,
Your golden sun will shine for me!

A Collect for the Continuity of God's Creation

2007-09-19T03:21:00.000-07:00

God of never-ending wonder, who in the dreaming birthed, to our amazement, the Creation into being: grant us such imagination and wisdom to work out with creativity the continuing expression of your marvellous truth; that the world, seeing the lavish beauty of your holiness, may come to magnify the splendour of your glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

N.B. Could it be that hazy moments we have in our lives are essential to birthing wonderful acts of Divine Grace? After all, the Creation was birthed out of the chaos of the deep, and despite the disarray that may beset us from time to time, God can make beautiful out of the chaotic moments of our lives. I pray now for God to work the merciful purpose of his will in my life. In the midst of the storm, I know God will make ready the Creation. Pray for me as I pray for you. -J.L.

Joshua Ligan 2007.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Licence. You are free to share, copy, distribute, display, and perform the work; or to make derivative works, provided that you attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor. You may not use this work for commercial purposes.

A personal prayer in times of trouble

2007-09-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

Sa ngalan ng Ama,
at ng Anak,
at ng Espiritu Santo.
Amen, Hesokristo.

O Bathalang Maykapal,
hush the forces of the North,
hush the forces of the South,
hush the forces of the East,
hush the forces of the West;
to these directions sanctify with your presence,
and purify of all evil.
Crush the forces of Bakunawa,
and purify of all evil.
Blow, O Hangin, blow:
speak your words now and bless our way.
Give us your peace.
Give us your peace.
Heal our wounds from the battle,
and give us your peace.
Keeper of the flame!
Bathala the creator of all wonder,
Kan-Laon the ruler of space and time,
Gugurang and Lumawig,
dinggin mo kami.
To you, I offer my praises and prayers,
invoking the sacred Name
of Poong Hesokristo.
Amen, Hesokristo.

I'm back home...

2007-08-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

Psalm 42 Quemadmodum

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

1 As the deer longs for the water-brooks, *
so longs my soul for you, O God.

2 My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God; *
when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?

3 My tears have been my food day and night, *
while all day long they say to me,
"Where now is your God?"

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

4 I pour out my soul when I think on these things; *
how I went with the multitude and led them into the
house of God,

5 With the voice of praise and thanksgiving, *
among those who keep holy-day.

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

6 Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul? *
and why are you so disquieted within me?

7 Put your trust in God; *
for I will yet give thanks to him,
who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

8 My soul is heavy within me; *
therefore I will remember you from the land of Jordan,
and from the peak of Mizar among the heights of Hermon.

9 One deep calls to another in the noise of your cataracts; *
all your rapids and floods have gone over me.

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

10 The Lord grants his loving-kindness in the daytime; *
in the night season his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.

11 I will say to the God of my strength,
“Why have you forgotten me? *
and why do I go so heavily while the enemy
oppresses me?”

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

12 While my bones are being broken, *
my enemies mock me to my face;

13 All day long they mock me *
and say to me, “Where now is your God?”

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

14 Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul? *
and why are you so disquieted within me?

15 Put your trust in God; *
for I will yet give thanks to him,
who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

R. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

A proposal to start a new organization for interested Episcopalians: The Bayanihan Initiative

2007-08-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

I have purposely used American spelling for the sake of my fellow Americans.

What bayanihan means

Bayanihan (pronounced buy-uh-NEE-hun) is a Tagalog word that refers to the concept of gathering together as one community to help each other in a spirit of unity, co-operation, selfless service, and common purpose.

In the Philippine provinces, the concept of bayanihan is especially pronounced after someone has built a new house. The community gathers together under the newly-built house, lifts it up on their shoulders, and carries it to its new location. After bringing it into its designated spot, the community sets the new home down, and then a feast is served.

Summed up, bayanihan shows that what is impossible alone is made possible with the help of a community.

Why the Episcopal Church needs the concept of bayanihan

Within the past 50 years, traditional ethnic concepts such as satyagraha (nonviolent resistance) and unbutu (affirming hospitality) have been wholeheartedly received by the church worldwide. The Episcopal Church needs the concept of intimate bayanihan to foster a strong sense of united purpose, mutual responsibility, and the willingness to bear each other’s burdens. With these as building blocks, we can carry the Episcopal Church to a brighter tomorrow by selfless service, prayer and praise, actively following our Baptismal Covenant, and sharing in the Holy Feast of the Eucharist.

I propose that interested Episcopalians gather together as comrades to build up one kapitbahay -the Church. We can do that by putting our minds together and sharing our talents and skills to form a united service organization that will enable us to expand bayanihan within our communities of faith.

Together, God makes things possible. Our Church can increase a sense of hope in a Church marred with discord, division, and disillusionment.

If you are interested in a project like this, contact me at evachinoy@yahoo.com

What exactly do I believe in?

2007-08-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, I’ve begun to question what I believe, and what I’ve been taught.

No, don’t get me wrong, I’m not in those ‘doubting Thomas’ situations wherein I question the existence of God or the everlasting truth of the mysteries of the Christian faith, but I’ve begun and I am still questioning my own theology, my Christian practice, and my spirituality.

Where exactly do I stand in the wide spectrum of a diverse Anglicanism? Am I progressive? Am I conservative? Am I liberal? Am I really Anglo-Catholic? Am I a classicist, or am I liturgical modernist?

Questions like have been whirling in my mind like: Do I actually believe in original sin, or do I believe in ancestral sin? What does it mean to be justified? What is the atonement? What are the chief effects of redemption? What does it really mean to be saved? What is the Kingdom of God? Is it literal, allegorical, or metaphorical?

I came to the realisation, and I told Luiz about this last night on AIM, that perhaps Anglicanism wasn’t really intended to understand the mystery by dissecting it, but to behold the mystery and proclaim it. Anglicanism indeed, finds its best theological expression not by creed, but by Christian action and a lifestyle of prayer, service, and praise.

Sometimes I think that Episcopalians, or just Anglicans in general, seem to place their pride more on their labels, rather than glorying in the Christ who wrought out their salvation. I’ve made that mistake too. So what if I’m a High Churchman, and you’re a Low Churchman. Don’t we all have the same claim to Christ through a common mission to go out into the world, baptising in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? I do it my way; you do it your way: Whatever it may be, we get the job done.

Yet despite that, I’m still questioning, and I know it’s not wrong to question. These questions develop my faith, my spirituality, and Christian practice. A few years back, I was an iconoclastic Low Church Episcopalian who practically glorified Martin Luther and John Calvin. Boy, have I changed, thanks to an eager rector who sought me out from the rest of the -20 aged bunch and impressed a lavish ancient spirituality that I still fall in love with again and again. I questioned the both the Reformed and Catholic traditions of Anglicanism, and somehow made it to the latter. But that doesn’t mean I’m free from questioning my own thoughts, knowledge, and what other people think. With all of Christendom colourfully (and sometimes quite persuasively on both sides) haggling and arguing over little jots and tittles, of course I’m very confused!

Can anyone blame me for questioning myself, my Church, and my God? Can anyone blame me for questioning you? What exactly do I believe in, and what, tell me what should I believe in?

You see me contradicting myself, and falling down again and again. Please forgive me, dear reader. I’m only trying to believe.

Pray for me as I re-evaluate my faith.

Liturgy and Theology Survey

2007-08-17T03:16:00.001-07:00

I have Eric to blame for this. Gee, thanks.

Comments are in parentheses.

BOWING - Simple Bow
[x] At the name of Jesus
[x] Toward the processional/recessional cross (I'd bow profoundly here)
[x] Toward the Gospel book during the processional
[x] When saying, "And also with you"
[x] Toward the priest during the pro/recessional
[x] When approaching or leaving the altar (profound bow or genuflection)
[ ] At the Gloria Patri (profound bow)
[ ] Why the heck should I bow?

BOWING - Profound Bow or Genuflection
[x] When entering/leaving a pew (if Sacrament is reserved)
[x] During the Nicene Creed at the Incarnatus: From "he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and was made man" through "he suffered death and was buried."
[x] At the Sanctus: “Holy, holy, holy…”
[x] At the words of institution (only if not kneeling)
[ ] After the words of institution
[ ] Again, why the heck should I bow or genuflect, huh?

SIGN OF THE CROSS+
[x] Up, down, left, right (RC)
[ ] Up, down, left, right, heart (Anglican)
[ ] Up, down, right, left, heart (Orthodox)
[x] At every mention of "Father, Son and Holy Spirit" (or similar form)
[x] At the end of the Gloria: "You alone are the most high - Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit, in the +Glory of God the Father."
[x] When using Holy Water, entering and leaving the church
[x] At the opening of the liturgy
[ ] At the Gospel Proclamation - Regular way
[x] At the Gospel Proclamation - Forehead, Heart, Mouth
[x] At the final clause of the Nicene Creed: "we look for the +resurrection of the dead..."
[x] During prayers for the departed
[x] At the absolution after confession
[x] At the Sanctus: “Blessed is he who comes in the Name of the Lord.”
[ ] During the Words of Institution
[x] When the celebrant says, "sanctify us also..."
[x] Before receiving Holy Communion
[x] After receiving Holy Communion sometimes before and sometimes after, but always one or the other, rarely both
[x] At the blessing/dismissal
[x] At the Lord’s Prayer: "…and deliver us from evil.”
[x] When passing by a church whilst on the street
[x] At the beginning of the Magnificat, Benedictus, or Nunc Dimittis
[ ] I don’t do the sign of the cross because my sign is listed in the horoscope.

KNEELING
[x] Before the service begins (unless I'm acolyting or processing with the choir)
[x] During the Penitential Order during Lent (used in my parish sans the Exhortation, Decalogue, Summary of the Law even outside of Lent with the Collect of Purity so that in effect the Confession of Sin is prior to the Liturgy of the Word.)
[x] At the confession of sin
[ ] During the prayers of the people
[x] During the Eucharistic prayer (except during Eastertide)
[x] While receiving Holy Communion
[ ] The post-Communion prayer and blessing
[ ] I don’t kneel, my knees hurt.

THE SIGN OF PEACE
[x] The Peace - Important
[ ] The Peace - Enjoyable
[x] The Peace - Awkward and irritating (It’s a distraction; I prefer pax boards or just passing the peace to the left, right, forward, and back)
[ ] Um, yeah, excuse me, but I don’t know you.
[ ] Get away from me you pervert!

THE SERMON
[x] Roll eyes during a dumb sermon
[ ] Smile politely during a dumb sermon
[x] Applaud, hoot, or holler at a good point during a sermon
[ ] Give an “Amen” during a sermon
[x] Take down notes during a good sermon (Yep! I’m a geek who likes to write down anything new he’s learned)
[ ] Fall asleep during the sermon

ADMINISTRATION AND RECEPTION OF THE EUCHARIST
[ ] Intinction
[x] Sipping or wetting lips from chalice
[x] Handing over host to be intincted by chalice bearer or alcolyte (only when taken for ill or had dental work just recently done)
[ ] “Ewwww, nasties!”

THE PRIEST
[ ] Ignore the priest after the service
[ ] Shake the priest's hand after the service
[x] Hug the priest after the service
[x] Give the priest a kiss on the cheek after the service (only if I know you personally!)
[ ] *speaks in a sulty voice* “Hey pops, wanna listen to my confession? I’m all alone at home this evening.”

MUSIC
[x] Traditional music (Rite One and traditional language rites)
[x] Contemporary music (Rite Two and contemporary language rites, but I prefer contemporary language versions of traditional hymns accompanied with pipe organ; praise music or acoustic worship is pretty cool for group sessions or just jamming with the rector.)
[ ] Have the cantor and choir shut up NOW.

THE BIBLE
[x] King James Version (traditional language rites)
[ ] Bishop’s Bible
[x] Coverdale Bible (canticles and psalms during traditional language rites)
[x] Revised Standard Version (liturgical scripture verses)
[x] New Revised Standard Version (liturgical readings)
[x] New International Version (group study)
[ ] Message Bible
[ ] Comic books and mags are my Bible

COFFEE HOUR
[ ] Coffee hour = heaven
[x] Coffee hour = hell (dealing with the pink ladies sucks)
[x] Coffee hour = necessary evil (it’s the modern incarnation of the agape)
[x] Coffee hour = near occasion of sin
[ ] I’d rather cozy up at Bucky’s with the rector or vicar

THE BISHOP
[x] Kissing episcopal rings (with a slight nod of the head after the act)
[x ] Just shaking bishop’s hand

CHURCH ATTIRE
[x] Casual at church (Very Californian, I suppose)
[x] Semi-formal at church (Principal Feasts and Special Days of Observance)
[x] Formal at church (Only whilst studying in the UK)
[ ] G-string and body fur

FIRE AND SMOKE
[x] Prefer incense
[ ] Incense = can't breathe
[ ] Incense = major headache
[x] Light candles
[ ] I don’t trust myself; I’ll burn the church down.

DIGNUM ET JUSTUM EST
[x] “It is right to give him thanks and praise.”
[ ] “It is right to give our thanks and praise.”
[ ] “It is right to give God thanks and praise.”
[ ] “It is right to offer thanks and praise.”
[ ] Ah, screw it. “It is meet and right so to do.”

THE PATER NOSTER
[x] “Our Father, who art in heaven.”
[x] “Our Father in heaven.”
[ ] “Our Abba in heaven.”
[ ] “Our Mother in heaven.”
[ ] “Yo pops, with yer bling-bling.”

WORSHIP SPACE
[ ] Solitary worship
[x] Small parish
[ ] Medium parish
[ ] Large parish
[x] Cathedral (used to be a member)
[ ] Mission/chaplaincy
[ ] Megachurch
[x] Anywhere “as long as the word is rightly preached, and the sacraments faithfully administered…”
[ ] Can't be arsed to go to church

SACRAMENTALS
[x] Use the Dominican rosary (for the RC rosary and Chaplet of Mercy)
[x ] Use the Anglican rosary
[x] Use an Orthodox prayer rope
[x] Use a Franciscan Crown, the seven-decade Dominican rosary
[ ] Use Sacrifice Beads
[ ] Use Prayer stones
[ ] I use the rosaries/prayer beads for other means (i.e. strangulating people)
[x] Venerate icons
[ ] Iconoclast

OTHER - JUST FOR FUN
[x] Saying the filioque clause during the Nicene Creed
[x] Whispering "My Lord and My God" at the elevation of the consecrated elements
[ ] Extending your arms when saying, "And also with you"
[x] Strike breast during Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our sins…”
[x] Strike breast at any petition for forgiveness and pardon
[ ] Slap yourself in dismay when the priest says something stupid
[x] Trip someone in the procession and pretend you didn’t do it.

THE SACRAMENTS
[ ] Transubstantiational Eucharist
[ ] Consubstantiational Eucharist
[x] Holy Mystery Eucharist
[ ] Symbolic/Remembrance Eucharist
[ ] Cookies 'n juice time!
[ ] “Ooooh, refreshments!”

NUMBER OF SACRAMENTS
[ ] 2 Sacraments
[ ] 7 Sacraments
[x] 8 Sacraments (I recognise seven, but I’m sympathetic to listing footwashing as a sacrament)
[ ] 2 Sacraments and 5 Sacramental Rites
[ ] Coffee hour
[ ] I don’t call them sacraments; I call them ordinances!
[ ] The number is undefined

WHAT IS AN EPISCOPALIAN/ANGLICAN?
[ ] Catholic
[ ] Protestant
[ ] Both
[x] Neither
[x] catholic

THEOLOGY
[x] High Church/Anglo-Catholic/Anglo-Orthodox
[ ] Broad Church
[ ] Low Church
[ ] Charismatic
[x] Evangelical
[x] Restorationist, as to restoring the pre-Reformation Catholic traditions of Anglicanism
[x] Affirming/Accepting
[ ] Welcoming, but seeking to preach the truth with love
[x] Progressive
[ ] Conservative
[ ] Post-modern
[ ] Liberal
[ ] Moderate
[x] Traditional, theologically speaking

CALVINISM VS. ARMINIANISM
[ ] Calvinist
[x] Arminian
[ ] Neither position
[ ] I don’t care.

THE TRINITY
[ ] Creator, Redeemer, Sanctifer
[x] Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
[ ] Source, Saviour, and Procession
[ ] Earth-maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver
[ ] Buddha, Dharma, Sangha

THE BLESSED VIRGIN
[ ] The Blessed Virgin was immaculately conceived
[x] The Blessed Virgin was assumed into heaven
[ ] The Blessed Virgin fell asleep
[x] The Blessed Virgin was prepared during her life with special grace to be pure and holy for the birth to Jesus
[x] The Blessed Virgin is ever-virgin
[ ] Good ole Mary and Joe had a bucket of kiddies
[x] The Blessed Virgin is present in the Eucharist because by the power of the Holy Spirit her Son took our flesh from the Blessed Mother, and because his Body and Blood is present in the Bread and Cup, she is present in a special but not real way
[ ] The Blessed Virgin is co-redemptrix with her Son
[ ] The Blessed Virgin fell asleep, was buried, and three days later was resurrected and taken bodily to heaven, a foretaste of what will be for all who are in Christ.

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT?

I.
[ ] Roman Catholics
[ ] Eastern Orthodox
[ ] Protestants
[x] Anyone with an AK-47

II.
[ ] Pirates
[x] Ninjas
[ ] Robots

III.
[x] Church cats
[ ] Church guard dogs
[ ] Church mice
[ ] Dinosaurs
[ ] Spongebob Squarepants

IV.
[ ] Barney
[x] Hello Kitty
[ ] Satan himself

V.
[x] Vergers (Dude! Getting hit with a verge HURTS)
[ ] Acolytes
[ ] Chalice Bearers
[ ] Altar guild
[ ] Ushers
[ ] Crucifers
[ ] Thurifers
[ ] Torchbearers

VI.
[ ] St. Matthew the Evangelist
[ ] St. Mark the Evangelist
[ ] St. Luke the Evangelist
[x] St. John the Evangelist

VII.
[x] St. Peter
[ ] St. Paul

VIII.
[ ] Adam
[x] Eve (She can kick Adam's balls!)

On a much happier (yet homesick) note...

2007-08-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

My mum sent me a picture of my little cousin Yoanna (whom I introduced to you in this entry) eating her famous fried chicken.

Good Friday is everyday

2007-08-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

O my soul, O my Jesus,
Judas sold you for thirty;
I have done it for less.
O my soul, O my Saviour,
Peter denied you three times;
I have denied you more.
As the nails went down,
I was standing right there.
As you breathed your last,
I shook my head and I cried.

O my God, what have we done?
We have destroyed your Son.
O my God, what have we done?
We have destroyed your Son.
O my God, what have we done?
We have destroyed your Son.
O my God, what have we done?
We have destroyed your Son.

O my soul, O my Jesus,
Judas sold you for thirty;
I have done it for less.
O my soul, O my Saviour,
Peter denied you three times;
I have denied you more.
And the blood ran down,
I was standing right there;
and the water poured,
I shook my head and I cried.

“What have we done?” © Joe Day

This sounds like a song we’d typically sing for Good Friday. It does after all sound strikingly similar to the solemn reproaches for the liturgy of that day, save that it is us who address God and his Christ rather than Christ addressing us.

You may wonder just exactly why am I posting this entry in August, instead of on Good Friday; but as people say that “Christmas and Easter is everyday” so too does Good Friday continue throughout the year.

But how, tell me Josh, exactly how is everyday Good Friday?

In our baptismal covenant, God initiates a relationship to which we respond in faith. This faith that we hold in common is not just a gift freely given by the grace of God, but it is a faith that works for the advancement of the kingdom of God. Part of the working faith we promise at baptism is to “seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbours as ourselves” and to “strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being” (BCP page 305) We pray God that he would “bless all whose lives are closely linked with ours, and grant that we may serve Christ in them, and love one another as he loves us.” (BCP page 388)

The sixth commandment, “You shall not murder” is usually interpreted as just that: You shall not murder. Yet this mitzvah goes deeper than that. To murder is not just to kill, but it means violence, not only in the physical sense, but in a spiritual, verbal, and mental sense. It’s so easy to commit violence, and it is astonishingly part of our normal routine each day. We fail “to show respect for the life God has given us; to work and pray for peace; to bear not malice, prejudice, or hatred in our hearts; and to be kind to all the creatures of God…” (BCP page 848) Our violence assassinates ourselves, and the lives, characters, and individualities of others. As I've said, it’s quite easy to do: Just one small thought, word, or deed and you have already taken the life and destroyed the dignity of the person in whom you seek to serve Christ. We, in effect, have crucified our Lord once more on the barren tree with our silent or spoken hate, prejudice, angry discontent, and pride. Even delicious gossip and laughter at one’s shortcomings is another drive of the hammer on the nails which held Christ on the Holy Cross.

“All people are worthy of respect and honour, because all are created in the image of God, and all can respond to the love of God.” (BCP page 846) Indeed, I and all of us have been guilty of disrespecting and dishonouring human life, therefore thrashing the life, breath, and spark of God in each person.

We have all spilled blood, scourged at the pillar, and ultimately crucified others; and ever so simply we do it every day. Dislike leads into hate, hate leads to discord, discord leads to pride, and pride leads to separation.

Let’s backtrack now from Good Friday to Ash Wednesday, reflecting on certain parts of the Litany of Penitence (BCP pages 267-268):

We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength. We have not loved our neighbours as ourselves. We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.
Have mercy on us, Lord.

We have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. We have not been true to the mind of Christ. We have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on us, Lord.

Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people,
We confess to you, Lord.

Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done: for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbours, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

And so we pray, and so we humbly pray, and so we earnestly pray:

O God, you made us in your own image
and redeemed us through Jesus your Son:
Look with compassion on the whole human family;
take away the arrogance and hatred which infect our hearts;
break down the walls that separate us;
unite us in bonds of love;
and work through our struggle and confusion
to accomplish your purposes on earth;
that, in your good time, all nations and races
may serve you in harmony around your heavenly throne;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen. (BCP page 815)

"O Mother of the Word Incarnate, depise not my petitions, but hear and answer me"

2007-08-09T23:43:00.000-07:00

The Black Madonna of Częstochowa

I originally posted this on The Chasing Bishops Project.

This prayer goes out to my father in California. God hear the prayers of Mary, and grant my petitions through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

R. Who is she, arising like the dawn,
as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
as majestic as a sweeping army with billowing banners?

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour; *
for he has looked with favour on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed: *
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.

R. Who is she, arising like the dawn,
as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
as majestic as a sweeping army with billowing banners?

He has mercy on those who fear him *
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm, *
he has scattered the proud in their conceit.

R. Who is she, arising like the dawn,
as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
as majestic as a sweeping army with billowing banners?

He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, *
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things, *
and the rich he has sent away empty.

R. Who is she, arising like the dawn,
as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
as majestic as a sweeping army with billowing banners?

He has come to the help of his servant Israel, *
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
The promise he made to our fathers, *
to Abraham and his children for ever.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: *
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.

R. Who is she, arising like the dawn,
as fair as the moon,
as bright as the sun,
as majestic as a sweeping army with billowing banners?

V. Blessed be the Mother of God, Mary most holy.
R. Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.

Hail powerful Queen, Mother of Courage,
our life, our strength, our hope.
To you we protest, your oppressed children,
raging and weeping,
on this treacherous mountain.
Turn then, most gracious advocate,
your blessings of courage upon us,
and break this bondage of silence, our slavery;
after this our exile,
show to us the power the nurtures
the blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus.
O fearless, O mighty, O invincible Virgin Mary.
Amen.¹

_____________________________________

¹Mananzan, Osb, Sr. Mary John, ed. Manila: Institute of Women's Studies, St. Scholastica's College, 1988. Prayer adapted from the Salve Regina.

In defence of the classic Rosary

2007-08-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is me praying the Rosary.

For many Anglo-Catholics there seems to be a bit of a stickler over which set of prayer beads to use in devotion. Should we use the Anglican rosary or the Dominican rosary?

Whilst the Anglican rosary has its virtues, and I do admire it for its creativity (so I'm not dissing anyone who uses the Anglican rosary), I stick to the tried-and-classic Dominican rosary.

My defence of the classic Dominican rosary is seven-fold:

1.) It is an imitation of, and sometimes used as a substitute of the Daily Office, on condition that you do not have a Bible and Book of Common Prayer, and provided you recite an invitatory ("O God, make speed to save us. O Lord, make haste to help us.") prior to the Rosary proper;

2.) It is inseparable from (if you aren’t using the Luminous Mysteries) the 150 psalms in the Psalter;

3.) If using the mysteries of the Rosary, it is a compendium of the Gospel and a catechism in miniature, and it is useful for instruction in the faith and in the basic prayers;

4.) It is the classic devotion of a myriad of saints for centuries, and has a vast history behind it, stretching from its early origins in the prayer stones of the Desert Fathers to garland of roses of St. Thérèse de Lisieux, and from John Wesley (shocked?) to Padre Pio;

5.) When used privately rather than corporately like the Daily Office, it is the most flexible of devotions, and can be augmented with psalms, canticles, scripture verses interpolated between prayers, litanies, and petitions according to custom, tradition, liturgical, and personal preference;

6.) It combines affirmation (the Sign of the Cross and the Apostles' Creed), meditation and contemplation (the mysteries), petition (the Pasternoster and Ave Maria), confession of sin and intercession (Fatima prayer), and praise and adoration (Gloria Patri), which are all aspects of a healthy prayer life; and

7.) Assuming the oft-quoted maxim of lex orandi, lex credendi, then the constant praying of the Rosary preserves us from error and heresy.

The Rosary has its origins in the Desert Fathers, who counted their prayers with prayer ropes or stones. Soon stones developed into beads strung on ropes, and the practice spread around Europe, so thus in 1075, the Lady Godiva (no relation to chocolate) refers in her will to "the circlet of precious stones which she had threaded on a cord in order that by fingering them one after another she might count her prayers exactly". However, the modern Dominican rosary developed in very much the way as stained glass windows did: To instruct the illiterate of Western Europe in the faith. It was also common substitute for the Daily Office since the illiterate could not read the Psalms. Additionally, the Marian aspect was introduced during the 12th century as it was the custom to recite the Ave Maria after each psalm and recite the Gloria Patri after every ten psalms, hence the decade of Aves ending with the Gloria Patri.

One of the prime objections to the Dominican rosary is the Marian aspect of some of its prayers, given that the ratio of Paternosters to Aves is 5 to 50. Yet this arises from the misunderstanding of how the Rosary works and how it developed. The Paternoster, preceded by the mystery (sometimes with a scriptural reading), is actually the high point of the rosary, not the Aves. After all, the prayers of the Rosary are ultimately offered to God through Jesus Christ our advocate, with the Blessed Mother standing beside us in support, and agreeing with us in prayer.

I recommend these two cool rosary sites: EWTN’s How to pray the Rosary and The Rosary Army.

Salve Regina!

A prayer for my Father

2007-08-06T02:07:00.000-07:00

I ask your prayers for my father who is going through a lot of troubles and difficulties at present. (I'd rather not elaborate in respect to him and my family.) I really do wish I could fly home from England to be with him right now, to take care of him and stand for him at work. My father is a strong man, and I have heard him cry only on two occasions, so to hear him cry on the phone was so devastating. I'm really frightened about what's going on back home and I'm quote anxious to return to California as soon my modules at school are finished. My mother hasn't slept for several days because he has been sobbing on his pillow non-stop. My family's morale is quite low, so they can't be of much support, especially when they're so tired from being with him. Please pray for them too.

Assist us, O Lord our God;
and defend us evermore by the might of your holy Cross,
in whose honour you make us to rejoice,
for your mercies’ sake.
Amen.

Stay tuned to preview the next episode of All My Bishops…

2007-08-05T11:04:00.001-07:00

Oh the drama.

Growing up in Milpitas, California, which was once small-town Asian America, I am very familiar with overseas soap operas and dramas. They were a staple at my home, given the easy access to Asian channels. Unlike Western soap operas or dramas, they weren’t about sex or what have you, but focused more on conspiracy, intrigue, rebellion, schemes, tragedy, martyrdom, heartbreak, and sobbing innocent girls. I suppose that I learned all my later schemes and plots from my days watching these shows with my pea-shelling grandparents and parents, who would drop everything just to rush home to watch TV. My classmates and their parents were the same way, so that from 4pm to 7pm, more than half of Milpitas children would be inside their homes, instead of playing outside. I don’t really remember playing outside with my friends. We were all inside snacking on almond cookies and milk tea watching Mrs. Kwok shoot Mr. Kwok in the back, or Michael beating up Bayani because he had a crush on his sister Ligaya. What’s embarrassing, however, is that like many of my Asian American fellows (especially the girls), I still watch Asian dramas, and I’m either watching Filipino shows on TFC or racing against a thousand screaming girls to be first to buy the next English subtitled Korean or Japanese tearjerker on DVD. I even have a greedy perchance for Asian horror firms. You’d think that by age 21 we’d stop watching these and move on to more diversified media, but we haven’t. The only currently-running English language shows I really watch are Ugly Betty and Without a Trace, and the only channels I really watch aside from Asian channels are BBC America, PBS, CNN, Sundance, and IFC. Occasionally, I’ll watch MTV, but I’d more likely be watching Azn TV or MTV Asia.

Somehow, I can’t help but make the comparison between Asian TV and Their Excellencies the Bishops of the Anglican Communion, and Their Graces the Primates. Sometimes they’re predictable; sometimes they slap you with an element of surprise. What’s ridiculous is that there are times I know I should be in prayer for them, but I can’t help but grab a bag of popcorn and laugh. Thoughts like “Amor in My Promise To You would have strangled him in his sleep” or “He’s playing the part of Ji-hae in The Classic” or “I knew that would happen! That’s like Oh, Happy Day!” run in my mind. It’s like I have a database of moves for a Chess game, and I can identify the moves they’ll make.

Is it that bad that despite my effort to hope for unity within my own church, I find it at times thoroughly hilarious when I see bishops act like drama queens? And is it hypocritical that I sometimes plot with friends for gain? I mean, honestly, we have potential for Oscar Award winners within the Anglican Communion.

A note of clarification: I have NEVER plotted to bring someone to destruction. I was once involved in college politics, okay? I’m not the stereotypical gay guy who plots to steal someone else’s boyfriend. I suppose I can sympathetise, because I was once the friend who comforted the sobbing gay boy in the washroom during the high school prom, and indeed, I too was the sobbing gay boy myself.

That aside, it makes you wonder what the Anglican Communion has become. Are we no longer a church, but part of a telenovel? For one hour each week, church has become an TV show episode. Indeed, even our vestry meetings have become Wimbledon. What we to expect of next year’s Lambeth Conference? The Olympics? (Astonishingly, it happens to be during an Olympic year too!)

TV shows are addictive, so we buy TV guides from supermarket purchase counters to read all the gossip about celebrities and preview what’s next on TV. In the same respect, I have made it more of a practice to read Church news everyday and to check out blogs like Father Jake stops the World or Episcope rather than reciting the Daily Office at Mission St. Clare.

Has the Church become a TV show? Is the Church all about fame, celebrity, and attention?

Are we still the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church?

In the Garden of MySpace

2007-08-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

For those in the know, I’m a regular MySpace and Facebook user, although I haven’t used these that much since I left Northern California for school in Nottingham. I’m also active on the MySpace Episcopal and Anglican groups as well, and I even moderate two groups: Episcopal Narthex and Notoriously Anglican.

There is a group I especially take notice of and treat in this blog entry, and that’s my colleague's Episcopalians group. I daresay that it does have very animated discussions in that group, to the point some of us, whether so-called ‘liberal’ or so-called ‘conservative’, want to bash each others heads in after taking the extreme from both viewpoints.

What startles me the most, is the great lengths we go to defame each other’s characters. I unfortunately have participated when some people got the best of me. (Forgive me, Father.) Nevertheless, you have a motley crew of group members, despite being united by the Holy Scriptures, the Creeds, and Sacraments, pull at each other’s hair and slap each other silly. One person, whom you’d be inclined to think (by looks alone) would be a gentle grandfather, has called liberals ‘Satanic scum’. Another person has called conservatives ‘power-hungry mongrels’. And we call ourselves Christian? It’s astonishing how far we’ve stretched our ‘bonds of affection’.

Yet it got me thinking. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Low Churcher vs. Anglo-Catholic, Conservative vs. Liberal, Hole-in-the-wall churches vs. Wealthy churches, and forcing moderates like me to choose sides?

It’s so easy to slap a label on someone and group them up into pen with their ‘cohort of fellows’. It’s not you against an individual, but ‘us vs. them’. Really easy, huh? We could say it’s ‘this group against this group’ instead of Mr. Wouters against Mr. Chang.

But why do we do it? What have we got to gain by maltreating each other so? It’s not like we’ll be getting a candy apple* as a prize.

I have the tendency to think that ever since humans left the Garden of Delight, we have turned against other by heaping blame on each other’s heads because we want to feel that we are right and feel good about ourselves because of our own shortcomings. Although I don’t believe that ‘Adam’ was a real person in the traditional sense, but ever since Adam and Eve we’ve pointed fingers at each other and justified our persecution and hatred for the other for our own mistakes. “It happened because of you!” or “You’ve brought this upon yourselves and upon us!” Humans have this dislike of responsibility for their own actions, just like as Cain said to God after his brother Abel's death, "Am I my brother's keeper?" (Genesis 4.9)

The legacy of the Garden is this human need to assert ourselves and dominate the other. It is our discontent with the way things are that we bring others down so that we are on higher ground than they are. In effect, we have become idols of ourselves and our viewpoints, and as The Book of Common Prayer says, we “have put ourselves in the place of God”. (BCP page 845) Original sin clearly and bluntly defined.

Then again, why do it? Why bother? Why puff yourself higher than another?

The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

“Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” What does man gain from all his labour at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again.

All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. -Ecclesiastes 1.1-9 NIV

“Vanity of vanities, says the Teacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.”

Think about it.

____________________________________________________

*Actually, can someone ship me several to the UK, please? Green Apples, brown candied, sprinkled with peanuts. Thanks!

Theology tomes are big meanies

2007-07-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, gentle readers, we’ve all met them. The wannabe armchair academics or Oxford dons, who in boasting their own knowledge pushes the sincere God-seeker to the dirt.

What are they called? The heartless, vicious theology tomes.

If you’ve ever been made to feel inferior or dumb as a doornail by one of these types, I know how you feel: I’m currently surrounded by them - a whole LOT of them.

Scary thought, huh? I haven’t dared to open my mouth in any of my theological classes in the fear I’d be shot down and mauled by these nasty pitbulls. The only session I actually discuss and debate is my liturgy and worship classes, and that’s when my liturgical diva comes out.

But check this out: It’s extremely easy for an Anglo-Catholic to beat the devil out of a bunch of Evangelicals, theologically attuned or not. Seriously. No argument about that. I could talk on and on and on about the Canon of the Mass, epiclesis, anamnesis, and chalice-bearing whilst the class begins to snore.

Yet the fact of the matter is yes, theology tomes know it all (or they try/claim to)! They’re booksmart! They’re knowledgeable! If they’re nice enough (which is rare), you can even pay them to do your homework! You can peer over to their desk during an exam!

The fallback? They’re big-headed intellectuals who gather to drink fine wines, eat cucumber sandwiches, and play croquet. They make you feel like crap, twist your innards, and denounce you as a heretic if you slip. It’s even worse when they act nice to you, but they ‘talk smack behind your back’.

Ironically, I drink fine wines, eat cucumber sandwiches, and play croquet too. Now, I may not talk smack, I do rant about certain persons to trusted people when I’ve either had a spat with them or I’m just mad as a wet hen. Then I pray for them, provided I’ve finally calmed down.

Whilst theology tomes are booksmart, that’s where it ends. (That is, unless you’ve got a rare type.) I personally believe that theology isn’t best learned from books or from study, both of which I’m doing now at a theological college; but I think that we learn theology best through prayerful life experience. Theology is useful, I don’t doubt that. We need theologians, and we need teachers. Yet theology is the study of God, and what better way to study him by knowing him through prayerfully living our lives, and seeking and serving Christ in all persons? The opportunity to meet God is in every place, every person, every action, and every thought.

One of my favourite saints is St. Francis de Sales, who was known for his exemplary work among the poor of Geneva. He was born to a Savoyard noble family in Thorens, and when he became bishop of Geneva, he was recognised as an intellectual genius and a gifted orator who gave mesmerising, convicting sermons. Despite his learning and his noble background, he stooped down in humility to reach out to those whom society cast out.

See, it’s one thing to know the faith, but it’s another thing to live the faith. A Princeton or Oxford degree won’t get you any heavenly brownie points or offer you any divine grace.

I think St. Francis de Sales serves as an example for all of us. We can learn about theology, church history, hermeneutics, and liturgy all we want, but what have we done to advance God's kingdom on earth? I'd give up my biretta and my textbooks just to work among those who have been put down, cast out of their homes, and those who have lost face; those who have been hurt, abused, and despised, and those whose humanity has been desecrated. I think that’s what Christianity is all about, not just possessing the truth and having faith in God, but living the truth and having a faith that works for the service of God.

Behold the monstrous regiment of liturgical divas

2007-07-23T03:15:00.000-07:00

The holy father Robert Laws *kisses Fr. Rob's ring* mentioned the passing of the Tammy Faye Meissner (God rest her soul) on his blog the other day, and it gave me a chance to reflect on my Pentecostal upbringing.

You see, my fine pretties, I’ve got a secret; and I hope you don’t upchuck your communion hosts. Despite my extremely thorough effort to embrace the strong Filipino Catholic heritage of my grandparents and ancestors, I still sing those Pentecostal songs from childhood, and I equally with full intent embrace both liturgical chant and praise music.

We say that we appreciate diversity within the Anglican Communion, but what astonishes me is that the same people who claim to be ‘tolerant’ of differences have this short-sighted tendency to bash anyone who either appreciates Contemporary Christian Music or the people who enjoy it. They bash people who 'do it wrong' and they puff their liturgical school over another's liturgical preferences. It is this arrogant liturgical superiority that many have, and whilst I may sometimes agree with them in that they are correct in their liturgical norms, it distresses me to see these people deride those who express their devotion to the Divine in a different manner.

To me, it’s like saying, “Your expression of love isn’t good enough.”

An example in point: Let’s say a little girl brought to her father a chicken-scratched picture she made at school. The picture, which is supposed to look like her father, is a bit lop-sided and she scribbled in the colours with crayon. She goes up to her father, climbs into his lap, and shows him the picture, saying, “Daddy, I made this for you! I love you, Daddy.” Then big brother, who is a professional painter, enters the room and takes one look at the picture, then snatches it and rips it up, saying, “I could paint Father better. Your drawing is nasty.” Little sister begins to bawl and cry. Do you honestly think the Father would have been pleased? Oh no, he wouldn’t!

That’s how I view those people: They are cold-hearted, proud, and overconfident in thinking they will reach the Almighty God who in fact, loves all his people. Do you honestly think you have a monopoly on divine worship? If you were God, would you prefer a heartfelt prayer of a broken spirit or a grandiose act that’s supposedly directly toward you but is aimed toward the pleasure of the congregation? Additionally, let’s say you go to a country where the Anglican tradition isn’t that heavily set into the religious culture of the natives, like Papua New Guinea or even the West African country of Benin- I should hope you wouldn’t be so ethnocentric to think that a group of women joyfully dancing to drums at the Easter morning Eucharist is any less than pipe organs and maniples in Westminster Abbey. If so, you could be branded as a cultural supremacist, strictly speaking from an anthropological point of view.

It truly distresses me to see Facebook groups such as ‘Praise bands annoy God’ and what-have-you. I cannot describe the hurt I feel when I see a member of my family slapped in the face. To those aggressors I ask these questions: “Do you even care about your sister or brother? Do you even love your family- the family of God?” Now I can imagine members of families being cross with each other, but how can you treat a member of your own family with such contempt? Isn’t blood (in this case the Blood of the Lamb) thicker than water?

Allow me to turn to the Good Book. Jesus said in the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican:

“To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” –St. Luke 18.9-14, NIV

Now don’t get me wrong; I love the High Church Anglican tradition, and I am a staunch liturgical diva myself. You can even ask the Rev. Fr. Matthew Cadwell, instructor at Trinity College, University of Toronto: He grades all my liturgical work and listens to me whine about the restoration of Sarum forms of worship and blah. (I did give him high blood pressure twice; my cuteness did not save me.) However, I think that people emphasise the lace and incense way too much rather than the mission and work we are called to do in our baptismal covenant. In the lyrics of a Charismatic worship song by the Northern Irish worship leader Robin Mark, “When it’s all been said and done, there is just one thing that matters: did I do my best to live for truth, did I live my life for you?”

Does it really matter in light of eternity?

I once had the same prejudices as they did, but one day I realised it wasn’t the outward form that touched God’s heart, but it was our sincerity and life-long repentance that mattered. To quote the note posted on the sacristy door at St. Gregory’s Episcopal Church, San Francisco: “Relax, pray; it’s not about you anyway.” As much as I love Taizé and the Anglican choral tradition, I would rather worship God with sincere Presbyterians and Roman Catholics who come to worship God than a bunch of lukewarm Episcopalians who are in it for the coffee hour and the pearl earrings and mink.

To place sense, human expression, tradition, and even a book over Almighty God would be idolatry.

Love God, not the way we show our love to him.

When an ox refuses to be yoked

2007-07-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

Just about an hour ago (it's early Saturday morning on this side of the pond) I received a phone call from my little sister. She was sobbing on the phone because she had broken up with her boyfriend about 15 minutes prior. It was difficult for me because I wanted to be there to hug her, but I couldn't because I was so far away from home. The most difficult thing to hear from her however, was that she was dumped not on account of friction, a declining relationship, or cheating by either party, but because she wasn't Mormon.

I know the Bible says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6.14 NIV), and of course I could have told her that, but I just sat there listening to her blow her nose on the other end. Although I've dated and had relationships with men of different faiths or traditions (or just no faith at all), I have found it to be easier when you meet someone of the same faith or tradition. Problem is that whenever a vacancy opens up for me, another Episcopalian gets to the prime catch before I do. So I'd once again cast my net on the other side and whine, "Lord, I thought you were going to make me a fisher of men!" (cf St. Matthew 4.18-20)

But I've digressed.

In some sense, I think what happened may have been the best thing for her; perhaps she won't make the same mistakes I did. Nevertheless, I wished it could have been less painful or traumatic- My God, why did it have to hurt her so profoundly? Perhaps it may have saved her from converting and becoming Mormon herself! Indeed, I don't consider Mormons to be members of the Church Catholic or even Christians at all.

Despite my preference for Episcopalian males, Mennonites, Presbyterians (shocked?), or almost any Christian male, I find myself dating non-Christian guys. Eat my own advice, I suppose, huh? In the past, I found myself trying to balance out faith, religious practice, and a relationship with someone who doesn't share the same faith, practices, outlook, and values as you do. Like for example, one of my exes (who was Jewish- almost all my exes have been Jewish) surprised me with a breakfast in bed that consisted of breaded chicken steak smothered in kosher country sausage gravy. The scent was absolutely glorious. Yet I sat there wanting to cry because it was a Friday-a Friday in Lent, and I couldn't eat meat. So I had two possibilities: Refuse it and hurt his feelings, or quickly gobble it up, hoping God wouldn't notice my small indulgence. Of course, being me, I choose the latter.

Perhaps this is a wake-up call for me. I've always looked around for 'Mr. Good-for-now' when in reality, I should just be patient and wait on the Lord for 'Mr. God-sent-me-to-you'. I mean, could it be that the impatience of our lives and our selfish desires (rather than selfless) are the materials to create disaster? Fools rush in, eh? After all, we all want to be loved. Yet don't you think the key to being loved is to give selfless and unconditional love first? "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."(St. Luke 6.38 NIV)

My heart goes out to my little sister this morning, and as soon as I get back home, I'll give her a little talk. All I can do now is say, "There, there, it'll be okay", but it just doesn't suffice. I just hope she's well.

God bless her.

Perhaps I should tell my little sister to put on more clothes, huh?

Just being a bit curious...

2007-07-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

Before I scurry away to meet a classmate (he's cute, by the way) for an early breakfast and cup of tea, I'd like to ask a quick question.

Do you still believe God works miracles or can work miracles today? And please do elaborate. If God has done a miracle for you, I'd love to hear your testimony. (That's the Evangelical part of me talking, haha.) Leave me comments!

Whelps, I got to go! Toodles!

Open your hearts to the Lord

2007-07-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

After reading news about the document issued by the Pope last week, many Episcopalians displayed a variety of actions ranging from rage to hurt to defiance. I admittedly join with those who are hurt.

Yet what hurts me the most is the anger that many of my fellow Episcopalians feel. It feels like salt being poured into a wound, doesn't it? Although the anger is understandable, I think is an opportunity not to turn our backs on our Roman sisters and brothers, but to expand our hearts even further and love them even more than we've loved them.

Now, I'm no saint. I've joined many Episcopalians at scoffing His Grace, the Most Revd. Peter Akinola, the Archbishop of Abuja. (God forgive me.) However, Christ called us to love our enemies and do good to those who hate us. (St. Matthew 5.44-45) Indeed, in our Baptismal Covenant, we promise to "seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbours as ourselves" (BCP pg 307), and to "respect the dignity of every human being". (BCP pg 307)

God calls us to love, as Christ loved us, even to the point of death. It must have been so painful to see those you love crucify you and mock you even as you are dying on the cross. Yet he still loved, and he still loves, and he will ever love.

Your Holiness, I love you, such as Christ loves me.

Sisters and brothers, open your hearts to love, for in doing so, we open our hearts to the Lord.

In the words to the song of the Great Jubilee in 2000, let us sing:

It’s a time of joy, a time of peace.
A time when hearts are then set free,
a time to heal the wounds of division.
It’s a time of grace, a time of hope,
It’s time of sharing the gifts we have,
A time to build the world that is one.
It’s the time to give thanks to the Father, Son, and Spirit,
and with Mary, our Mother, we sing this song:

Open your hearts to the Lord
and begin to see the mystery
that we are all together as one family.
No more walls, no chains,
no more selfishness and closed doors
for we are in the fullness of God’s time.
It’s the time of the Great Jubilee.

-Great Jubilee (2000) Song*, by Jamie Riveria

________________________________________

*Okay, the musical intro to the song reallys sucks, but once Jamie starts singing, the song and lyrics are lovely... promise!

When the pretence comes tumbling down

2007-07-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

"As a love-sick schoolboy, I set my sights on the most beautiful girl in class. Like all youngsters in love, I tried to impress her with my jokes and cool behaviour. I became, to my mind, the sophisticated sort of person she hung out with.

As you can imagine, I got absolutely nowhere. She saw the act for what it was.

We are often so desperate to impress that we try to be better than we are. Our pride will not allow us to admit the truth about ourselves.

Pride is unwilling to come clean, because deep down we're insecure, or unhappy, with what's there. Weak kings always like to sit in high thrones. Pride is wrong because it's not genuine.

Jesus warns us that pride will use up our energy, exhaust us.

Humility, as Jesus makes clear, is not a matter of only seeking the lowest part. He himself told us to let our light shine before the world.

Humility is much more about being authentic - being really who we are. Jesus himself was the greatest exponent of this. He was the genuine man, who didn't put on an act.

To be authentic, we need to understand that we're loved by God for who we are - not what we think we ought to be, or what others think we ought to be. What need have we, then, to be other than we are? If we could spend half as much time being ourselves as we do trying to someone we're not, we would find that peace, that integrity, that brings real joy."

-Revd. Mark Langham, from the BBC programme Prayer for the Day (16 July 2007)

Before I fully begin this post, I'd like to say hello from the United Kingdom. It's a happy respite from the Californian heat wave I've been suffering under for the past two weeks. But on to the rest of the post.

A few months ago, I compromised myself, in almost the same manner as the Revd. Mark Langham. I was thoroughly impressed with someone, and was so intrigued with him, that I began a debate online with a mutual friend of his just for the purpose of garnering some attention from him. Of course, he didn't see the ploy, but instead, as it seemed to me (perhaps it's a misjudgment) he came to the defence of his friend. So instead of my little scheme to have him notice me, it worked to the contrary, and probably earned his ire.

However, what I think was most important was the fact I truly didn't believe that view for which I debated. Indeed, if I could be a bit more expressive, I 'got my butt whooped' by this person, to the point that we began debating on other topics apart from the original topic. And yes, he was an extremely adept theology tome I had to surrender to. (But I can probably whoop his gluds at liturgy, muahaha.) After all, I couldn't pull any defence from my sleeve to support my 'view', and I came out of it feeling dumb as a doornail.

That doesn't sufficiently explains my point. You see, before God we cannot present a 'dressy' résumé or curriculum vitae, of which half is probably untrue. A half-lie, if you will. We may try to cover our sins with a myriad of excuses or by justifying it, but nonetheless "Almighty God, unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid" (BCP page 324) knows everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, about you! A line from the exhortation for Mattins and Evensong, which was included in all classical Anglican prayer books ran thus:

"DEARLY beloved brethren, the Scripture moveth us, in sundry places, to acknowledge and confess our manifold sins and wickedness; and that we should not dissemble nor cloak them before the face of Almighty God our heavenly Father; but confess them with an humble, lowly, penitent, and obedient heart; to the end that we may obtain forgiveness of the same, by his infinite goodness and mercy."

And I'm not saying that God would bitchslap you, if you do cloak your sins.

When I was in high school, I always imagined having a grand same-sex blessing. I wanted to book Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, have a choir, and drag the Bishop of California to preside; and I wanted decorations everywhere, a magnificent reception, 600 guests (Filipino weddings are BIG) and so forth.

Let's press fast-forward on the DVD player toward my early 20s. Looking in retrospect, I began to realise that my adolescent dreams for a grand affair was more for the people attending rather for me and my groom. Instead of coming as you are before God, there you are, all prettified, not to receive a sacramental blessing (I'll hop on that debate another day), but to please the blue-haired, bespectacled aunties. I suppose, with the blessing of my future groom, I'd like to have a small wedding, a small chapel, ten guests for him and ten guests for me. All of us can dress up casually, and we can have burgers or sushi after!

One thing hasn't changed: I'm still going to drag the Bishop of California to my wedding.

What I'm trying to say is that if someone can't love or notice you for who you really are, then it's not worth knowing them. On the other hand, as I've said before, God knows everything about you, and he loves and accepts you for who you are. You don't have to please God with looking all pretty or putting on lipstick. He still loves you even if your hair is a total tornado in the morning.

Our gracious and loving God, beyond all your close friends and family, is the only one worth knowing. Amen.

"And I went to the enemy's camp, and I took back what he stole from me"

2007-07-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

I went to the enemy's camp
And I took back what he stole from me,
I took back what he stole from me,
Took back what he stole from me.
I went to the enemy's camp
And I took back what he stole from me.

He's under my feet,
He's under my feet,
He's under my feet,
He's under my feet,
He's under my feet,
He's under my feet,
Satan is under my feet.

©1991 Sound III, Inc. ASCAP Admin. by All Nations Music
Words and Music
by Richard Black

In a few hours, I shall board a plane headed to England to attend summer school at St. John's Theological College, Nottingham. Now, for many of you (well, for pratically ALL of you), the first thing that will come to mind is, "What the heck is an gay Affirming Catholic Episcopalian doing in an Open Evangelical Anglican* school?" Quite understandable, and no worries, I'll be okay. I'll be bringing my travel-sized folding icon of the Theotokos and the Christ Pantocrator, and I'll be bringing my rosary too. Add a small bottle of Holy Water and it's all good, haha.

Admittedly, I think we can learn a lot from the Evangelicals. What is their secret to Christian evangelisation? How do they get more people into the church? As much as I love the High Church tradition, it does, nevertheless, need a new generation to perpetuate itself; and as I've mentioned in a previous entry, I am an "Evangelical Catholic" or a "Catholic Evangelical", except I'm Anglican. This is my time to learn how to be an effective evangelist for Christ, and use that knowledge to fully live the catholic life- the missionary life that is nourished by the sacraments and the Word of God.

When I arrive in the United Kingdom, I will represent all of you, the best (and sometimes the worst) of American Anglicanism as in expressed through the Episcopal Church. I will stand an Episcopalian- a lone American Episcopalian, determined to show the Mother Country what we've got. Pray for me, your brother in Christ.

____________________________________________

*Who says American Episcopalians are any less Anglican?

The Dark Night of the Soul... redefined

2007-07-08T04:01:00.000-07:00

At lot of people, lay and clergy, talk about the dark night of the soul, per St. John of the Cross. Sometimes I think it's overquoted, and often a staple for those who give advice to those in need of comfort, guidance, and assurance of God's grace during the tough times. Now, I'm not disputing St. John of the Cross, who in fact, is one of my beloved saints, but I'd like to present a different aspect.

The other day, if you'd allow me to be slightly vulgar, I had a bitchfest with God. I was slumped in front of my altar, pleading and praying, listing my worries and my needs, and reminding God of his promises. Then I began to complain and whine: "God, how can you abandon your servant, when I have given you my all? Have I done enough? Did I do something wrong? Are you even listening to me? Do you even exist? Why am I going through this? Why, oh tell me why, do I feel like shit and why am I going through this shit? Are you testing my faith?" Thinking that a different approach might help, I began to praise God and give thanksgiving like how Ss. Paul and Silas praised God when they were in prision (Acts 16.23-26), and how St. Paul exhorts us "to give thanks for all things" (Ephesians 5.20; 1 Thessalonians 5.18). I even chanted the Te Deum. After trying to supplicate the Deity, I half-heartedly said, in an attempt to exercise my faith: "In all my worries and difficulties, I place my trust in you, Lord Jesus".

I knelt there for a few moments of silence, straining to hear an answer, thinking that God might say something. I waited on the Lord, and then began to tap my fingers on my prayerbook. Then suddenly, in a flash moment, I remembered a story from Sunday School. I stood up, pointed at the icon of the Pantocrator, and yelled (well, I didn't exactly yell), "I WON'T LET YOU GO UNTIL YOU BLESS ME!!!"

These words derive from the story of Jacob wrestling with an unknown vistor:

And Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and Jacob's thigh was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the day is breaking." But Jacob said, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me." And he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." Then he said, "Your name shall no more be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked him, "Tell me, I pray, your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peni'el, saying, "For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved." The sun rose upon him as he passed Penu'el, limping because of his thigh. (Genesis 32.24 RSV)

One thing I'd like to note is that it happened at night. Night. And he was alone. You see, I think that sometimes the 'dark night of the soul' isn't just something in which God strengthens your faith, but it is a time of struggle with God, when you feel you are all alone in your difficulties. We can do all we can: praise, adore, offer the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass for an intention, light a candle, pray the rosary or a novena, plead, whine, complain, remind God of his promises (does he even NEED to be reminded?), or what have you, but prayer isn't just pleading, it's sometimes a struggle with the Divine. In a sense, it's like holding on to God's leg, as he tries to free himself from your grip, and saying, "I won't release you until I tap into your resources and leech every blessing from you".

Some may think this blasphemy, or even horrifying. What, to fight and debate with the Almighty? Yet, I don't think it is wrong at all: In fact, you are saying that God is the source of every blessing, and you are acknowledging that he can do anything. It is indeed a statement of praise and trust in the Divine Mercy, and an acknowledgement of the greatness, power, and might God has.

God said, "Release me, for morning is drawing nigh", and finally Jacob let go. Could it be that the key to a new, bright tomorrow is taking hold of God, embracing him, and refusing to let him go away without giving you something?

"I WON'T LET YOU GO UNTIL YOU BLESS ME!!!"

May you prevail in your prayers. And hopefully you won't limp.

______________________________________________

On another note, wow, I actually wrote this! This is some good stuff! :)

An Act of Contrition

2007-07-06T00:19:00.000-07:00

O my God,
I am sorry for my sins with all my heart;
in choosing to do wrong,
and in failing to do good,
I have sinned against you
whom I should firmly love above all things.
I intend, with the help of your grace,
to do penance, to sin no more,
and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on me and forgive me.
Amen.

-Traditional Prayer

Yesterday, I was a meanie. A big, bad meanie. I did not have the right to slaughter this person on a MySpace forum as I did, even if I thought he was in the wrong for being an ethnocentric xenophobe. (I won't go further.) Nevertheless, he didn't deserve that injustice, and another friend didn't deserve the insult I threw at him either. Some were aghast, some found it humourous, and whilst at the moment I thought myself justified, I quickly realised it wasn't the Christian thing to do.

And God said: "Let us make the human in our image..." (Genesis 1.26)

You see, I really feel guilty for what I did. Page 370 of The Book of Common Prayer says "...you blessed us with memory, reason, and skill", and in the catechism, it says, "It [to be made in the image of God] means that we are free to make choices: to love, to create, to reason, and to live in harmony with creation and with God". She or he may be right or wrong, but nevertheless, the divine imprint is still on them, and we should thank God for the privilege to make up our minds, to agree or disagree with each other. Each person's dignity deserves to be respected, no matter how much you may disagree with what they say, because to do so would be to dishonour, and as my old priest Father David once told me, to murder the image of God.

A Jewish Kabbalist author wrote:

"Every person is a spark of God's life.
Each face is a mirror of his love in the world.
Each one is beautiful...each one is love...
a creative expression...
of God's own image of himself.

So each time you look into another's face...
Each time you encounter another person...
wherever you may be...
Think of God's beauty and love in his whole Creation...
How is he expressed through this face?
Can you see his love looking back at you?"

It hurts me to think that I failed God and my neighbour. I made a covenant with God at my baptism and affirmed it at my confirmation, yet I have failed to honour that covenant- a covenant thas was sealed by the Holy Spirit and the Blood of the Lamb. I have always pledged myself to seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving each of them like Christ loved us, and to respect the dignity of every human being; yet I have forgotten these baptismal promises. I have become a hypocrite.

So I confess to Almighty God, to you my brothers and sisters, and to all the saints, that I have sinned through my fault *strikes chest*, through my most grievious fault *strikes chest again, harder*, in thought, word, and in deed; and I ask you, my brothers and sisters, and all the saints, to pray to the Lord our God for me.

In the words of the Ash Wednesday Office (BCP page 268):

For all false jugdments, for uncharitable thoughts towards our neighbours, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.

What is Evangelical Catholicism?

2007-07-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

I get asked this question constantly, since I describe myself as an 'Evangelical Catholic'.

Evangelical Catholicism is different in its approach to catholicism in the Anglican Communion. You see, to be 'catholic' or 'universal' doesn't only mean to uphold the Holy Scriptures, profess the catholic creeds, and partake of the sacraments, but it means to actually take that catholicism to the all people and live it through a sacramental life nurtured with the Word of God. Catholicism wasn't meant to be stagnant or be defined by 'smells and bells'. It was meant to be taken into the world, to spread a universal (hence 'catholic') faith through a living evangelisation by one holy church who maintains the apostolic teachings.

St. Matthew 28.19-20 (NIV) says, "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." You hear Evangelical Catholics talk a lot about the Baptismal Covenant. That is because we believe our Baptismal Covenant is our 'work description'.

Evangelical Catholics envision the High Church or 'Anglo-Catholic' faction as a vibrant, active missionary movement, not only as a movement to renew the churches of the Anglican Communion by the power of the Holy Spirit, but to bring salvation through Jesus Christ to every tribe, nation, and people. We are called to fill the spiritual hunger of the world with the Bread of Life, to quench their thirst with the living waters of Baptism, and to call them to a life-transforming relationship with Jesus Christ. In Evangelical Catholicism, we strip ourselves of anything 'high and mighty' and supported with the prayers of the saints and the grace which flows from the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, stir up and inspire Christ's Church to be the missionary movement it once was. We seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving them as Christ loved us, and live our Baptismal Covenant. We break the bread with sinners and bring them to the table with us to partake of new life which comes from Christ.

That is what an Evangelical Catholic is. So put the thurible away for now, join us, and let's go in peace to love and serve the Lord as faithful witnesses to his goodness and mercy!

A Pledge of Allegiance to the Episcopal Church

2007-07-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

I know that the 4th of July is an important holiday to the national life of Americans (and that's supposed to include me), but today I'd like to reflect on loyalty to our national church.

Last year, I created a pledge to 'promote' ecclesiastical unity among Episcopalians as General Covention 2006 gathered. It would be so cool if General Convention would approve of it when it comes round to California in 2009, although I know it would NEVER do so. I refined it a bit from the original model, however.

Episcopal Pledge

We, the members of the Episcopal Church
unite as one people and one body
to build one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church
on Christ's sure foundation,
and to bear witness to our greater hope.

The Bible Meme

2007-07-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

Once again, Father Rob has thrown a meme at me, haha. This time, it has actual questions I could answer! Yay! :)

1 What I know about the Bible?

The Bible is the infallible Word of God, and contains all things necessary to salvation. I know I probably sound like a Bible-thumping fundamentalist or a literalist (perhaps even a Sadducee!), but please continue reading. I like to think of it as this: Let's say I tell Rob that Matthew is hot, and he writes it down on a piece of paper. Well, Rob hands the note to Eric, and then Eric calls Luiz on the phone and tells him that Josh thinks Matthew is hot and Mark is not. But what if I think that not only is Matthew is hot, but that I think Mark , Luke and John are the hottest studmuffins on the block too? Perhaps I may have a huge crush on Peter and Paul!

See, Rob's record of me swooning over Matthew is the truth, without question. But despite Eric's knowledge of the truth as per the note, he gives false testimony to Luiz that I only have a crush on Matthew, and him alone.

2 How does what I know impact what I believe?

Well, being a classicist in some sense, I do believe that prayer shapes believing. As Prosper of Aquitaine said, "Lex orandi, lex crendendi". You see, we shouldn't know the Bible, we should pray the Bible. One of the best ways to do that, in my humble opinion, is through the Daily Office with its scripure readings, in The Book of Common Prayer. Or perhaps you can take a reading from the lectionary, read it slowly, and interpolate your prayers. When you pray the Bible, you develop faith, and deposit it in your heart. When you know the Bible, you're just feeding your mind, and build up your intellect. Now, I'm not saying that knowledge and intellect is bad, but that isn't isn't the same when you draw it into your heart and ponder on it.

Personally speaking, I like to think of myself as 'feeding on the Word of God'. At the Eucharist, 'Christ opens for us the scriptures, breaks this bread, and fills this up with wine'. The Logos becomes flesh and blood once again in bread and wine, and the Bible is opened to us in a very real way.

3 So does scholarship influence my faith?

Yes, I think it's important to get an idea of what the Bible meant. With scholarship, we can see and understand the events in our salvation history, and look at it within its context. Filipinos like to say that "your only wealth is your heritage and history". I believe that's true, when we see new insights into the Greatest of Books (or rather, libraries) we can increase our full understanding of our heritage and salvation history, and see how God abode with the human race, and consider how great God is. That increases our faith, in realising that God was mighty, is mighty, will ever be mighty, and remains with us today.

Next victims!

1. Natalia
2. Kevin
3. First Apostle

Regaining the magic

2007-06-29T02:33:00.001-07:00

One of my fondest memories from childhood was my mother's fig jam. We had two fig trees in the backyard, and because of the surplus the trees yielded, we either ended up giving a large share of the produce to neighbours and friends, or made fig jam. Although figs did not grow in my parents’ homeland, the Philippines, we used a Filipino derived recipe: rose water, honey, palm sugar, a little orange rind, and a just a hint of spice. It was a laborious process that required not only my mother and lola*, but the whole family as well. Yet in the end it was worth it: We had fig jam to last us a whole year, Christmas presents to give to distant relatives in North America and Asia, and an excuse to feign illness just to stay home and eat.

Memories like these make me smile, but they also make me feel sad about how much I lost along the path to adulthood. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot about life and garnered experience, yet you begin to miss the time when everything was so simple. Not simple in the means of having no bills or pay, responsibilities to mind, or a boyfriend to calm down when something is amiss; but simple in the fact that you could cherish every moment and bask in the purity and holy simplicity of which was yours.

For a moment, I’d like to pause. Have I failed to notice what I noticed so many years before? The crickets and grasshoppers in the yard, the wind blowing in my hair, or even the stars illuminating the night? I hesitate to use the word ‘magical’, yet to me as a child, they were just that. Simple things like the experience of feeling the grass between my toes, the scent of my newly-scrubbed cocker spaniel, hearing lola hum her old provincial tunes, or running my fingers along the grooves of my father’s wooden desk. Even the most awful things became fond memories: If either I or my other siblings hurt ourselves, mum was always there to soothe us.

When did we ever lose that sense of magic?

I’d like to reclaim that magic - that sense of wonder – of seeing and soaking in your surroundings; to see that everything, even something so small, like a little flower so unnoticed it gets stepped on, has a beauty so elusive yet so profound when we examine closely.

This week has been a terrible week, one of which I’d like to forget. Sitting in the corner chewing on your fingers (it used to be my hair when it was longer) isn’t a great way to start off the week. But perhaps I forgot to see the beautiful things this week that I should be grateful for: Things that I underappreciated and ignored. I mean, even in the hardest of times, God blesses you at every moment, every second, every minute.

No matter what happens, God will always take care of you. It may not go or happen the way you planned out, but nevertheless, the One holding you in the palm of his hand as you traverse through this earthly plane is God himself. He was there at the beginning of your beginning, and he will be there at the very end. Why would he abandon you as your journey on the world he created just for you? He will ever leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13.5)

So it is. Know that every moment is magical, because God is with you along the way. If we could only see with faith, our eyes will be opened to see the wonders and marvels, even through the most difficult times, that God has at hand. We sensed a magical presence when we were young; let us so return to our childlike faith.

You see, God was present when my mother made her famed fig jam, and he was present when mum gently soothed us when we fell. If only we notice God's presence in the midst of a mess, perhaps one day we'll have an opportunity to look back and remember it as a time when God picked us up and gently soothed us. That makes every moment, whether good or bad, magical.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” (Jeremiah 29.11 RSV)

*Lola (loh-lah) is Tagalog for 'grandmother'.

Two collects for a sad, sad day

2007-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, keep me in prayer. I really need your prayers right now.

I just recently composed these collects after several days of awful events. They may be used for private recitation during the personal observation of the Daily Office, instead of the Collect of the Day or in addition to it. They are not intended for public worship.

Collect 1

Merciful and loving God, who dries the tears and listens to the prayers of all who call on your holy Name: Guard us from from despair and hopelessness with the strength of your abiding presence, and save us from falling away from you; that comforted with the secure hope you give us, despite our unknowning of things to come, we may ever rejoice in our salvation; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Collect 2

Most powerful God, who frees us from worry and sadness, and abides in the praises of your people; you broke the shackles of Paul and Silas as they gave praise to you in prision: Grant us so to praise your Name in our troubles and anxieties, and in whatever may befall us, to gladly give you thanks for all things; that as we face the circumstances of our lives, our hearts will ever be set on you alone, and the fulfilment of your will; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.

A Selection of Personal Collects 1

2007-06-26T02:23:00.000-07:00

These are some of my personal exercises in liturgy. If you didn’t notice already, I like to frequently practise to better and refine my craft. These are raw and unedited, and come from recent experiences.

When in despair

O God our refuge, who gently reveals himself in our uncertainties: give us grace to faithfully recognise your mercy when pressed, to see your care when bewildered, and to feel your love when broken; that acknowledging your goodness and the tender purpose of your will, we may ever give testimony to our everlasting hope; through Jesus Christ our Saviour; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

For a deceased loved one (especially suitable at a Eucharist)

Risen Saviour, who tenderly calls us by name into your presence: we earnestly pray you to heal the wounds that N. accrued in her mortal life, and bind her soul to yourself; that rising with you in glory and made clean of her sins, she may worthily partake of your wedding banquet, and may enjoy the eternal delight of the faithful; in where you live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and forever. Amen.

For someone about to die

Sweet Jesus, the shelter of lambs and shepherd of souls: surround the soul of N. with your love and grace, and mercifully protect her from the lion’s mouth as she crosses the bridge to you; that entering the gates of praise into your sanctuary, she may join the company of the saints in praising your Name; graciously hear our prayer for your love’s sake. Amen.

For faith

Gracious God, who gives us life and salvation: increase our faith and confirm us in your love; that placing our trust in your mercy, we may ever live and dwell in hope; through Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and ever. Amen.

On becoming a priest

2007-06-25T23:33:00.001-07:00

For several years now, I've shared with many Episcopalians in the common life and mission outlined in the Baptismal Covenant. For some of us, this common life and mission leads to ordained ministry; for some of us, this leads us to minister as lay persons, fulfilling God's call in baptism and being empowered to do so by the Holy Spirit in the Sacrament of Confirmation. As for me, I must admit I'm often unsure, hesitant and confused about what do to next, or even what God is calling me to do.

It's tiring when throughout your life in the Episcopal Church, you are constantly asked, "Do you want to be a priest?" or told, "Josh, I really think you should be a priest" by both clergy and lay persons. The fact is, yes, I have entertained the thought of becoming a priest. However, the gosh-darn honest truth is that I'm truly frightened of being a priest.

Seeing the troubles, but also the rewards of being a priest, I realised that not only does it take a gentle, kindly soul to be a priest, but guts, courage, and solemn determination. I have seen many people whom I've loved fall flat on their faces, and I certainly don’t want to end up a bitter alcoholic. To be a priest is not just reaching out to the lost, the weak, and the needy with compassion, but it also means taking up armour and valiantly battling for their cause. For those who cannot do that, you will either end up being placed in the stocks by the vestry or even worse, having your bum burned on the altar.

My simple, earnest request is this: Let me wait. I’m not ready. I have too much respect for the office, life and work of a priest to rush in. If I am to become one, I want to approach the dignity of this office not only with skill, but maturity and soberness, and with dedication and resolve. Please give me time: I want to hear God's call truly and distinctly. Allow me a moment to pray and study about this even before I approach the discernment process or even truly consider it. I need time to mature and garner experience in life. If I should go in with without considering the cost- the cross you must bear - I may end up harming myself spiritually, and put others' souls at risk. To have the cure of souls is a special responsibility that God lays on your shoulders; indeed, it is a sacred trust that you must give yourself fully to, for the proper ministry of God’s Word and sacraments.

Even if I were to be ordained or remain a lay minister, my heart, mission, and resolve will always be the same: to seek and serve Christ in all persons, "whoever they are, wherever they come from, and whatever they bring". To God and to them, I pledge my life and liberty.

I'm not THAT stupid you know!

2007-06-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the feeling that your 'closest' friends have blocked or avoided you on AIM? Or even that they say things against you in AIM instant messages?

It makes me recall the last two lines from the third stanza of the hymn 'What a friend we have in Jesus' by Joseph M. Scriven.

"Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there."

So pray I will.

AIM is evil!

Updated: A Responsive Prayer for the Baptismal Candidates and over the Water of Baptism (Final form)

2007-06-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your suggestions everyone!

The good Rev. Fr. Matthew Cadwell, who will be leaving Trinity Church, Aurora soon for Christ Church, Deer Park and who will be joining the faculty of Trinity College in the University of Toronto this autumn, gave me a challenging assignment the other day to sharpen my liturgical skills. The project was to create a single prayer that effectively served as both the Prayers for the Baptismal Candidates and the Thanksgiving over the Water. At first, I thought it would be easy, until he laid down the requirements.

Fr. Cadwell's requirements were these:

-The prayer must be responsive on part of the congregation;
-The responses must be simple, succint, consistent, and easy to remember; and
-The prayer must be inclusive.

I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of inclusive language as I can be a bit of a classicist, but I enjoyed the challenge, which helped me to get the brain rocking.

My first task prior to drafting the text was to consult the catechism on the Episcopal Church's doctrine concerning Holy Baptism, as well as any papers regarding the common consensus on Holy Baptism in the Anglican Communion. After poring over that, I sought to find the scriptural references that backed up the Church's position. My next task was to read the actual texts as used in the Book of Common Prayer 1979, and fill the gaps by reading similar texts in other Christian bodies. Lastly, I sought any other interpretations by Christian writers, and the precursors to Holy Baptism, most notably the Jewish Mikvah.

When I intially drafted the text, I split the current Thanksgiving over the Water (page 306) into sections that corresponded with the appropriate petition in the current Prayers for the Candidates (page 305). With a lot of heavy editing, massive expansion, literary licence, and imagination, I have created a prayer that barely resembles the original prayers. I hope you enjoy my effort. Do leave me a comment.

*************************************************

May God be with you.
And also with you.

People of God, bless your God!
God’s mercy endures for ever!

Blessed are you, O God who births the Creation.
At the dawn of all wonder,
your primal Spirit breathed over the waters,
and through the flood of Noah you purged the world of sin.
Cleanse these children (persons) of evil and death.
Grant this, O gracious God.

Compassionate are you, O God who hears our cries.
When Pharaoh enslaved your people Israel,
you parted the roaring sea to clear the path to freedom,
and from the rock burst forth sweet water to quench their thirst.
Uphold these children (persons) with your grace.
Grant this, O gracious God.

Generous are you, O God who shares the blessing.
From the waters of the Jordan,
you anointed and revealed your Christ,
and from the pierced side of the Crucified One,
flowed water and salvation.
Stir up these children (persons)
with your holy and renewing Spirit.
Grant this, O gracious God.

Loving are you, O God who calls us to the waters of Baptism.
In it the Old Adam is buried with Christ’s death,
by it Eve’s children share in Christ’s resurrection,
and through it we are born again in your all-embracing Spirit.
Bring these children (persons) to everlasting life.
Grant this, O gracious God.

Faithful are you, O God whom we exalt!
By the crashing waves, Miriam’s timbrel led the dance,
so now, in joyful obedience to Christ’s command,
we baptise into your Name those who come to you in faith!
Preserve these children (persons) in your truth.
Grant this, O gracious God.

At the following words, the Celebrant touches the water

Sanctify this water, we humbly pray,
and empower it with your life-giving Spirit,
that those whose sins are washed away
in these waters of rebirth,
may partake in the divine life of our Risen Saviour.
Inspired and filled with the Spirit of holiness,
make them effective witnesses to your love and justice,
seeking and serving Christ in every person
to the glory of your Name.
Grant this, O gracious God.

Praising you through Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit,
we offer you these prayers, asking you to-
Grant this, O gracious God.
Amen.

Blessings over Rice and Green Tea

2007-06-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

If The Book of Occasional Services 2003, authorised by General Convention, has blessings over crops and certain foods that are traditional to Europeans and Middle Easterners (pages 95-98) such as bread, wine, lamb, and eggs; why can’t Asians have blessings over rice and green tea, foods with are sacred to our various cultures?

A Blessing over Rice (brown rice is yummy)

Blessed are you, O Lord our God. Sovereign of the Universe;
who labours with your people to plant each crop of rice:
Travail with us, and grant us your blessing upon our handiwork,
that by harvesting the fruits of our efforts
and giving you thanks for your benefits,
we may ever give testimony
to the glorious providence of your grace;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

A Blessing over Green Tea (preferably over ceremonial matcha)

Blessed are you, O Lord our God, Sovereign of the Universe;
who tends the green sprout to burst into a lush tea field:
Nurture the seed you have planted in the hearts of your people,
that growing in faith and steeping in your presence,
their lives may be a fragrant offering to you;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

A Rite of Healing after Someone Has Ended a Relationship

2007-06-15T01:35:00.001-07:00

As previously expressed in a blog entry, I am a amateur liturgist who likes to create and experiment with rites. This is a rite I created for someone who has been left brokenhearted after ending a relationship, based on rites from The Book of Common Prayer, 1979. If you have any suggestions for this rite, or if you actually used it, please leave a comment or e-mail me at evachinoy@yahoo.com

*****************************

This anthem is said by the person alone.

In the midst of life, we are ever in transition:
All things flee as if a passing shadow,
and cannot endure forever.

God, you know the sorrows of our hearts:
Shut not your ears to our prayers,
but hear us, O Lord.

I have grown weary with my crying;
now God alone my soul in silence waits;
from him comes my salvation.

Holy God, Holy and Mighty, Holy Immortal One,
have mercy upon us.

The priest lightly touches the person’s cheek and says

Peace, be still before the Lord.

A period of silence is kept.

The priest then says

O God of grace and salvation,
look with pity upon the sorrows of your servant N.
Remember her, O Lord, in mercy,
nourish her soul with patience,
comfort her with a sense of your goodness,
lift up your face upon her, and give her peace;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Readings and psalms, such as that which may be found in the rites for Ministration for the Sick, or other readings, may be employed at the priest’s discretion. The priest may comment on the readings briefly.

If the person so desires, they may now open their grief in prayer or words.

The priest may offer comfort and counsel, and pray with the person.

The following anthem is said

O Blessed Redeemer,
who by your stripes and wounds has healed us,
be present and help us, we humbly pray, O Lord.

The priest then lays hands upon the person, and anoints the person’s forehead with holy oil, saying

N., I lay my hands upon you and anoint you with oil
in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
beseeching our Lord Jesus Christ
to cast out all despair, to lift up your burdens,
to wipe away every tear,
and to fill you with that everlasting love and peace
which only he can give.

The priest may add

And as you are outwardly soothed with this holy oil,
so may our heavenly Father grant you
the inward balm of the Holy Spirit.
Of his great compassion,
may he heal your wounds,
renew in you his Spirit,
and grant you the courage to stand
in the day of trouble.
May he sweep away all darkness,
uphold you with his grace,
and gather you to his embrace;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

The Lord’s Prayer may be said.

The person may pray one of the following prayers at the priest’s discretion

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment,
and light rises up in darkness for the godly:
Grant me, in all my doubts and uncertainties,
the grace to ask what you would have me to do,
that the Spirit of wisdom may save me from all false choices,
and that in your light I may see light,
and in your straight path may not stumble;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Or

O God of peace, who taught me
that in returning and rest I shall be saved,
in quietness and in confidence shall be my strength:
By the might of your Spirit lift me, I pray,
to your presence, where I may be still
and know that you are God;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen

Or

Go before me, O Lord, in all my doings
with your most gracious favour,
and further me with your continual help;
that in all my works begun, continued, and ended in you,
I may glorify your holy Name,
and finally, by your mercy,
obtain everlasting life;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

The priest gives the blessing

May God the Father bless you,
God the Son heal you, God
the Holy Spirit give you strength.
May God the holy and undivided Trinity
guard your body, save your soul,
and bring you safely to his heavenly country;
where he lives and reigns for ever and ever.
Amen.

The priest says

Let us bless the Lord.
Thanks be to God. [Alleluia, alleluia.]

bleh

2007-06-14T20:05:00.001-07:00

Oh why, oh why won't anyone believe me when I say I'm progressive yet not liberal?

Eucharistic Prayer D, Joshified!

2007-06-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here's the deal- I have met waaaay too many Episcopal priests who praise Eucharistic Prayer D (page 373) in the American Book of Common Prayer 1979 for its imagery, yet complain about how it's too long so that half of the congregation is asleep by the end of the Doxology and Great Amen. So they either have to settle for Eucharistic Prayers A or B (pages 361 and 367 respectively), or that sci-fi trekkie Prayer of Consecration, Eucharistic Prayer C. (page 369).

Whinos!

Honestly, it saddens me to see Eucharistic Prayer D so ignored. It's my favourite, and it excites me so much that I always request it at masses for my birthday, or for commemorations in the life of my family.

But I'm sure that's just me. Or am I alone in lavishly adoring this beautiful, stirring prayer?

So this is my solution: Turn Eucharistic Prayer D, which is essentially based on the Roman Catholic adaptation (Eucharistic Prayer IV) of the Anaphora of St. Basil, into an Eastern Orthodox style litany (well, it's almost like a litany). That way, with active participation in the celebration on the part of the people, you catch the people's attention, and both the celebrant and people are happy. With the responses, I have added very minor edits for clarification or slight expansion. Also, I have used the greeting given in Form 2 (page 404) for the preface dialogue so that way it is more faithful to the dialogue between people and celebrant in the original Anaphora.

If you have any suggestions, hearts or farts, please, please do not hesitate to leave me a comment, or just e-mail me at evachinoy@yahoo.com. I want to get more feedback. If you test drive this in your parish, do tell me.

Also, should you celebrate this, I suggest using the Trisagion (prayer book form on page 356 or the Christocentric Coptic version, see below) in lieu of the Kyrie (page 256), Forms I and V (pages 383 and 389 respectively) at the Prayers of the Faithful with ending collect 5 (page 395) or the Prayer of St. John Chrysostom (page 102), I Chronicles 29.11 (page 377) as the offertory sentence, and the post-commuion thanksgiving on page 399. If you must use the Kyrie, then use the Greek form, making sure that 'Lord, have mercy' is rendered in the Greek all throughout the mass. After the Agnus Dei, you and the congregation can recite Prayer 66 (page 834) together as a sort of 'Prayer of Humble Access', despite it coming from the Mozarabic Rite. All this makes a more 'Eastern Orthodox-looking' rite, although not exactly Eastern Orthodox.

****************************************

The people remain standing. The Celebrant, whether bishop or priest, faces them and sings or says

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ
and the love of God
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
And also with you.

Lift up your hearts.
We lift them to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
It is right to give him thanks and praise.

Then, facing the Holy Altar, the Celebrant proceeds

It is truly right to glorify you, Father, and to give you thanks;
for you alone are God, living and true, dwelling in light
inaccessible from before time and for ever.

Fountain of life and source of all goodness,
you made all things and fill them with your blessing;
you created them to rejoice in the splendour of your radiance.

Countless throngs of angels
stand before you to serve you night and day;
and, beholding the glory of your presence,
they offer you unceasing praise.

Joining with them,
and giving voice to every creature under heaven,
we acclaim you, and glorify your Name, as we sing (say),

Celebrant and People

Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.

The people stand or kneel.

Then the Celebrant continues

We acclaim you, holy Lord, glorious in power.
Your mighty works reveal your wisdom and love.
You formed us in your own image,
giving the whole world into our care,
so that, in obedience to you, our Creator,
we might rule and serve all your creatures.

To you be glory and praise for ever.

When our disobedience took us far from you,
you did not abandon us to the power of death.
In your mercy you came to our help,
so that in seeking you we might find you.
Again and again you called us into covenant with you,
and through the prophets you taught us to hope for salvation.

To you be glory and praise for ever.

Father, you loved the world so much
that in the fullness of time
you sent your only Son to be our Saviour.
Incarnate by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary,
he lived as one of us, yet without sin.

To you be glory and praise for ever.

To the poor he proclaimed the good news of salvation;
to prisoners, freedom; to the sorrowful, joy.
To fulfil your purpose he gave himself up to death;
and, rising from the grave, destroyed death,
and made the whole creation new.

To you be glory and praise for ever.

And, that we might live no longer for ourselves,
but for him who died and rose for us, he sent the Holy Spirit,
his own first gift for those who believe,
to complete his work in the world,
and to bring to fulfilment the sanctification of all.

To you be glory and praise for ever.

At the following words concerning the bread, the Celebrant is to hold it, or lay a hand upon it; and at the words concerning the cup, to hold or place a hand upon the cup and any other vessel containing wine to be consecrated.

When the hour had come for him
to be glorified by you, his heavenly Father,
having loved his own who were in the world,
he loved them to the end;
at supper with them he took bread,
and when he had given thanks to you,
he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, and said,

“Take, eat: This is my Body,
which is given for you.
Do this for the remembrance of me.”

Amen. Lord, we believe.

After supper he took the cup of wine;
and when he had given thanks,
he gave it to them, and said,

“Drink this, all of you:
This is my Blood of the new Covenant, the mystery of faith,
which is shed for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Whenever you drink it, do this for the remembrance of me.”

Amen. Lord, we believe.

Father, we now celebrate this memorial of our redemption.
Recalling Christ's death and his descent among the dead,
proclaiming his resurrection and ascension to your right hand,
awaiting his coming in glory; and offering to you,
from the gifts you have given us, this bread and this cup,
we praise you and we bless you.

Celebrant and People

We praise you, we bless you,
we give thanks to you,
and we pray to you, Lord our God.

The Celebrant continues

Lord, we pray that in your goodness and mercy
your Holy Spirit may descend upon us, and upon these gifts,
sanctifying them and showing them
to be holy gifts for your holy people,
the bread of life and the cup of salvation,
the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ,
given for the salvation of the world.

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

Grant that all who share his Body and Blood
may become one body by the Holy Spirit,
a living sacrifice in Christ, to the praise of your Name.

Amen. Come, Holy Spirit.

Remember, Lord, your one holy catholic and apostolic Church,
redeemed by the blood of your Christ.
Reveal its unity, guard its faith, and preserve it in peace.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

Remember N. the Archbishop of Canterbury,
N. our Presiding Bishop, N. our Bishop, N. our Rector (Vicar),
and all who minister in your Church.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

Remember all your people and those who seek your truth.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

Remember _____________,
and all for whom we offer this sacrifice.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

Remember all who have died in the peace of Christ,
and those whose faith is known to you alone;
bring them into the place of eternal joy and light.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

And grant that we may find our inheritance
with Mary, the Virgin Bearer of God;
with patriarchs, prophets, apostles, and martyrs;
with N. and all the saints
who have found favour with you in ages past.
Aided by their prayers,
may we praise you in union with them
and give you glory through your Son Jesus Christ our Lord.

Blessed be your Name, Lord God.

Through Christ, and with Christ, and in Christ,
all honour and glory are yours, Almighty God and Father,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
for ever and ever.
AMEN.

______________________________________________

As promised, here's the Coptic form of the Trisagion:

Holy God,
Holy and Mighty,
Holy Immortal One,
who has born of the Virgin,
have mercy on us.

Holy God,
Holy and Mighty,
Holy Immortal One,
who was crucified for us,
have mercy on us.

Holy God,
Holy and Mighty,
Holy Immortal One,
who rose from the dead
and ascended into the heavens,
have mercy on us.

Bad, BAD Josh!

2007-05-31T16:13:00.000-07:00

Now as I’ve said in a previous blog entry on 13 May, I do not have a major case of espiscolust, so therefore I can not plead insanity within an ecclesiastical court. However, is there anyone else besides me who watched the bishop coadjutor of Virginia’s consecration webcast (opens in Windows Media Player) on the eve of Pentecost and thought that he was sort of cute? Please tell me I’m not alone. Otherwise, just slap me... HARD.

Rawr! :)

Flores de Mayo

2007-05-25T00:28:00.000-07:00

Flores de Mayo ("Flowers of May") is a month-long celebration that Filipinos observe in honour of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Parades and beauty pageants are held, may crownings occur, Marian shrines are visited, barren women dance to get pregnant (several links to the fertility rites on that page, visit it), and what have you. For my family however, it's the only time of the year we can treat the statue of the Blessed Virgin like a barbie doll and dress her all up. We tried to dress her up as a warrior woman of the the T'boli tribe of the Southern Philippines, but Holy Mary ended up looking like something else.

Did we go too far this year?

Whoa... Thanks, Matt

2007-05-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

This was forwarded to me by the Rev. Fr. Matthew Cadwell (scroll down a bit on his site) from Trinity Church, Aurora, Ontario. It is by Fr. Ron Rolheiser, OMI, a Roman Catholic priest and member of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, and he is the president of the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, Texas. Added emphases are my own.

************************************

"Moral Loneliness"
2007-05-06

Robert Coles, in describing Simone Weil, once suggested that what she really suffered from and what motivated her life was her moral loneliness.

What is that?

Moral loneliness is what we experience when we ache for a soul mate. We are lonely in different ways: We always feel some distance from others, always feel some restlessness that cannot be alleviated even within our deepest experiences of intimacy, and always feel an inchoate nostalgia for a home we can never quite find. There is loneliness, a restlessness, an aching, a yearning, a longing, an appetitiveness, a disquiet, a nostalgia, a timelessness, and a sexual inconsummation inside of us that never quite gives us easy rest. We are, in the words of Toni Morrison, soul-chained to deep things outside of ourselves.

Moreover this dis-ease lies at the center of our experience, not at its edges. We are not restful persons who sometimes get restless, serene persons who sometimes experience disquiet, or fulfilled persons who once in a while get frustrated. Rather we are restless beings who occasionally find rest, disquieted persons who sometimes find solitude and serenity, and dissatisfied men and women who at times findsatisfaction.

And, among all these multifarious yearnings, one is deeper than allthe others: What we really long for, beneath everything else, is a moral partner, someone to meet us in the depth of our souls, someone from whom we don't have to hide what's truest inside of us, andsomeone who understands and spontaneously honours all that is most precious to us. Someone like that would be a true soul-partner andmore than we long someone to sleep with sexually, we long for someoneto sleep with in this way, morally. What does this mean?

Scripture and the mystics, unafraid of earthy and sexual images,express it best. What we ultimately long for is soul-consummation. Here is an image from the Song of Songs (3, 1-4)

On my bed at night I sought my beloved:
I sought but could not find him!
So I got up and went through the city;
in the streets and on the
squares, seeking my beloved.
I sought but could not find him!
I came upon the watchmen-on their rounds in the city:
"Have you seen my beloved?"
Barely had I passed them when I found my beloved.
I caught him and would not let him go,
until I had brought him tomy mother's house,
to the room where my mother had conceived me!

It is hard to come up with an image that is more intimate than this one: What we most long for is to take someone home, to our mother's room, to the most intimate of all places, to the very bed on which we were conceived. But that is a place in the heart, the ache of moral loneliness.

What exactly is being said here?

Each of us, beyond what we can name, has a dark memory of once having been touched and caressed by hands far gentler than our own. That caress has left a permanent mark, an imprint of a love so tender, good, and pure that its memory is a prism through which we see everything else.

The old myths express it best when they tell that, before we were born, God kissed our souls and we go through life always remembering, in some dark way, that kiss and measuring everything else in relation to it and its original purity, tenderness, and sweetness.

This unconscious memory of once having been touched and caressed by God creates the deepest place inside of us, the place where we hold all that is most precious and sacred to us. When we say that something "rings true", what we are really saying is that it honours that deep place in our hearts, that it coincides with a deep truth, tenderness, and purity that we have already experienced.

From this place all that is deepest and truest within us issues forth - our own caresses, kisses, and tears. Paradoxically this then becomes the place that we most guard from others, even as it is the place that we would most like someone to come into, providing that entry respects precisely the purity, tenderness, and truth of the original caress of God that formed that tender cavity in the first place.

This is the place of deepest intimacy and the place of deepest loneliness, the place where we are innocent and the place where we are violated, the place where we are holy, temples of God, sacred churches of reverence, and the place that we corrupt when we willfully lie. This is our moral center and the aching we feel there is rightly called moral loneliness. It is here that we long for a soul mate.

And it is in this longing that we experience what is deepest inside of us, namely, an unyielding ache that drives us out of ourselves where, like the author of the Song of Songs, we desperately search for someone to sleep with morally.

Te matrem dei laudamus

2007-05-22T01:05:00.000-07:00

The Te matrem dei laudamus, by Saint Bonaventure, is a Marian paraphrase of the Te Deum laudamus that was popular during the Renaissance.

You are our Mother: we praise you;
You are our Blessed Lady: we acclaim you:
All creation reveres you,
the daughter of the Eternal Father.
To you all angels, all the powers of heaven,
Cherubim and Seraphim, sing in endless praise:
Holy, holy, holy is the great Mother of God,
Mary most holy;
the blessed Fruit of your womb
fills heaven and earth with his glory.

The glorious company of apostles praise you.
The noble fellowship of prophets praise you.
The white-robed army of martyrs praise you.
Throughout the world the holy Church acclaims you;
Daughter, of majesty unbounded,
the Mother of the true and only Son of God,
the bride of the Spirit our advocate and guide.

You bore Christ, the king of glory,
the eternal Son of the Father.
When he became man to set us free
he did not shun your virgin womb.
He overcame the sting of death
and assumed you into the kingdom of heaven.
With your Son you are seated at
God's right hand in glory.
Intercede for us, O Virgin Mary
when he will come and be our judge.
Come then, and help your people,
bought with the price of your Son’s precious blood,
and bring us with you and all the saints
to glory everlasting.

_________________________________________________

I am grateful to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Orthodox Christian Fellowship for graciously permitting others to use the free icon clip art at their iconography archive. Thank you very much indeed for allowing me to use your icon of the Theotokos.

Chaplet of Divine Mercy

2007-05-18T16:51:00.000-07:00

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy, revealed in the visions of Saint Faustyna Kowalska, is one of my favourite devotions that is said on regular Dominican (Standard Roman Catholic) rosary beads instead of the Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary. (The other is the Chaplet of the Holy Wounds.) I'm so grateful to ETWN (although sometimes I disagree with them) for this meditative, contemporary musical version of this devotional classic.

I especially recommend the Chaplet during times of personal crisis or despair, or when things just go awry. Every Episcopalian should learn it! Hehe.

Part 1- Our Father, Hail Mary, Apostles' Creed, first and second decades.

Part 2- Third, fourth, fifth decades; part of the Trisagion.

Part 3- Last bits of the Trisagion.

Jesus, I trust in you!

Happy Feast of the Ascension!

2007-05-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

From a Syraic manuscript depicting the Ascension of Jesus Christ to heaven.*

Psalm 24 Domini est terra

1 The earth is the LORD’s and all that is in it, *
the world and all who dwell therein.
2 For it is he who founded it upon the seas *
and made it firm upon the rivers of the deep.
3 “Who can ascend the hill of the LORD? *
and who can stand in his holy place?”
4 “Those who have clean hands and a pure heart, *
who have not pledged themselves to falsehood,
nor sworn by what is a fraud.
5 They shall receive a blessing from the Lord *
and a just reward from the God of their salvation.”
6 Such is the generation of those who seek him, *
of those who seek your face, O God of Jacob.
7 Lift up your heads, O gates;
lift them high, O everlasting doors; *
and the King of glory shall come in.
8 “Who is this King of glory?” *
“The LORD, strong and mighty,
the LORD, mighty in battle.”
9 Lift up your heads, O gates;
lift them high, O everlasting doors; *
and the King of glory shall come in.
10 “Who is he, this King of glory?” *
“The LORD of hosts,
he is the King of glory.”

____________________________________________

*I had a HARD time searching for an icon image that wasn't under strict copyright. I know it's not the best one, but I couldn't find anything that would not entail legal issues.

Prayers for 16 May 2007

2007-05-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Heavenly Father, as I plead before your throne of grace through Jesus Christ my Lord, I put on the mantle of Mary and place myself under her motherly protection on this Feast of Saint Simon Stock.

Firstly, I pray for Josh* O.'s mother, Julie. Please keep her under your care, and bless Josh and he minds his grandmother. I beseech you through Jesus Christ to sustain Julie with your presence, drive away all sickness of body and spirit, to uphold and fill her with your grace, and to give her that victory of life and peace which will enable her to serve you both now and evermore.

Grant to your servant Ruth the strength of your power as she battles a head cold. Be present in your goodness with her, and restore her to perfect health.

As Father Rob goes through his search process, I pray that you would use him mightily in the your kingdom, and when he finds a new parish, let them see and know though Father Rob's minstry that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection through Christ.

Protect Father John. Bless him, preserve him, and keep him. May he and those who wish to hurt him come to reconcile with each other, unite as one Body, and serve others in your Name.

Lastly, O Father, I humbly beseech you for my family as we commemorate my Uncle Dioscoro's two-year death anniversary after his tragic plane crash. Accompany his family during this time, comfort them with your goodness, and give them peace. May Uncle Dioscoro's soul, and all the souls of the departed, rest in peace.

All this I ask through Jesus Christ my Lord; and I seal my prayers with your Son's blood and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us who have recourse to you. Amen.

____________________________________________________

*We have the same name. Don't get confused.

La Rose Complète

2007-05-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help myself. The tears just gushed out. Seriously.

J'ai une telle conscience de ton être, rose complète,
que mon consentement te confond avec mon coeur en fête.
Je te respire comme si tu étais, rose, toute la vie,
et je me sens l'ami parfait d'une telle amie.

**********

I have such awareness of your being, perfect rose,
that my will unites you with my heart in celebration.
I breathe you in, rose, as if you were all of life,
and I feel the perfect friend of a perfect friend.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

This is not a major case of episcolust!

2007-05-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

But...

Am I the only person who finds the Episcopal Bishop of Alabama weirdly attractive in a dorky way? Of course I think the Bishop of Arkansas is doubly cute, but +Alabama is just adorable.

So how many Hail Marys do I have to say for penace?

Heh. I'm so wicked.

A short prayer as I conclude this week

2007-05-12T00:05:00.000-07:00

O Shangdi, the Lord Above; O Bathalang Maykapal, I beseech you through your Son, my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and invoke your presence now.

Father, I'm not so sure whether I should look back and smile at this week or not, but nevertheless I thank you and praise you for your tender mercies and faithfulness to me. Yet Father, even with all my praise, I also offer to you my prayers for all whom I hold dear.

I entreat you most especially to comfort my friend and former classmate Gwohe, and to grant her father rest in everlasting peace. Be present with her as she fulfils her duties as a Buddhist nun in these days ahead, and bless my endeavour as I travel to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas to lead a Christian memorial service amongst friends. May your Name be glorified in the Buddha Hall.

Look upon me with mercy in all my difficulties. I lift up before your throne of grace all my special intentions and beseech you to grant them according to your divine will, and your marvellous plan of redemption. May what I ask of you with faith in the secret places of my heart fulfil the the loving desires of your Son's Sacred Heart.

Lord, thank you for Gregory.

I offer you all my prayers and praises through Jesus Christ my Lord, and I seal my prayers with his precious blood and your Holy Spirit; in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

So I finally got tagged

2007-05-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it was going to happen sooner or later. But to come from your priest? Gaaaaah.

Thus begins the Six Weird Things meme. Aiight, here goes.

1.) I'm not a liberal post-modernist as people tend to stereotype me. I'm a ranty, progressive orthodox High Church Episcopalian who is Sarum observant, evangelical (note the small 'e'), goes to Eucharistic benediction, reads his Bible, recites the Daily Office and Angelus, and whacks Low Churchers with thuribles and rosary beads. Did I mention I like to dabble in Asian crypto-Christianity too, and that I have a fascination with Shinto and Vodoo?

2.) I quickly hum "Happy Birthday to you" twice when washing my hands. That is roughly twenty seconds, which is the amount of time it takes to kill the germs on your hands.

3.) I eat chocolate cake and drink port whilst soaking in the tub. Add a few floating candles to the bubbly bucket, and it's moksha for me.

4.) I walk around, read a book (like Percy Dearmer's Parson's Handbook), or do something (like watch the morning news or an Asian soap opera) whilst brushing my teeth.

5.) I keep a croquet mallet that has the words "Psalm 91" written on it right next to my bed just in case burglars try to come in through the window.

6.) I have a thing for boys in kilts.

And now I must pass the torch to six others:

Allen
Atia
Clinton
Kara
Kevin
Scott

Happy posting, guys!

To become a living tabernacle

2007-05-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

"What a sweet comfort to us that our Lord Jesus Christ was once known in the breaking of the bread. In earlier Christian times, believers called the Communion 'the medicine of immortality,' and God gave them the desire to pray: "Be known to us in breaking bread, But do not then depart; Saviour, abide with us and spread Thy table in our heart." Some churches have a teaching that you will find God only at their table-and that you leave God there when you leave. I am so glad that God has given us light. We may take the Presence of the table with us. We may take the Bread of life with us as we go. Then sup with us in love divine, Thy body and Thy blood; That living bread and heavenly wine Be our immortal food! In approaching the table of our Lord, we dare not forget the cost to our elder Brother, the Man who was from heaven. He is our Saviour; He is our Passover!"
-A.W. Tozer

As a child, my Roman Catholic grandmother would push me, despite my upbringing as Protestant, to partake of their Blessed Sacrament. Although I would vigorously protest as any good Protestant would, I would nevertheless surrender to my grandmother's wishes; otherwise, I'd be subject to her fury back home. Who would ever want to attempt to walk through hell, and get out alive! Yet she told me one thing that stuck with me even as a dim-witted, thick-skulled Theology major: "Remember, anak*, that you have Jesus in you now."

I still believe that; and I believe that his blood flows in your veins, and that his flesh becomes part of your flesh. He doesn't just disappear after you partake of the Sacrament of his Body and Blood, he continues to live in and through you. The sainted priest, Saint Philip Neri, instructed his two alcolytles to take two torches and follow a man who left the church right after he received the Blessed Sacrament. After being trailed to his annoyance, a few nasty words (from the man), and some pleading (from the alcolytes), the man eventually got the point that he had become a living Tabernable- Christ now resided in him. With the alcolytes rushing behind him, he repented and quickly dashed to the church in time for the solemn blessing.

A priest-friend of mine, the Rev. Fr. Matthew Cadwell of Trinity, Aurora, once commented:

However, given the fact that we Christians are Incarnational, I must believe that the human person, created in the divine image, redeemed by the love of Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit, is the best example of God's presence in our world. Given that, I agree with Richard Hooker who argued that if there is any transubstantiation, it is in us, through our reception of the sacrament and not in the bread and wine. We are transubstantiated from sin to righteousness, from death to life.

Please pray with me.

Almighty Father, whose dear Son,
on the night he suffered,
instituted the Sacrament of his Body and Blood:
Mercifully grant that we may receive it thankfully
in remembrance of Jesus Christ our Lord,
who in these holy mysteries gives us a pledge of eternal life;
and who lives and reigns for ever and ever.
Amen.

Page 397, The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

______________________________________________

*Tagalog for 'child'.

To my Holy Mother

2007-05-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

Our Lady of China with the Child Jesus
Gary Chu, Hong Kong

O Mother of Jesus, and my Mother, let me dwell with you, cling to you and love you with ever-increasing love. I promise the honour, love and trust of a child. Give me a mother's protection, for I need your watchful care. You know better than any other the thoughts and desires of the Sacred Heart. Keep constantly before my mind the same thoughts, the same desires, that my heart may be filled with zeal for the interests of the Sacred Heart of your Divine Son. Instill in me a love of all that is noble, that I may no longer be easily turned to selfishness.

Help me, dearest Mother, to acquire the virtues that God wants of me: to forget myself always, to work solely for him, without fear of sacrifice. I shall always rely on your help to be what Jesus wants me to be. I am his; I am yours, my good Mother! Give me each day your holy and maternal blessing until my last evening on earth, when your Immaculate Heart will present me to the heart of Jesus in heaven, there to love and bless you and your divine Son for all eternity.

-adapted from a prayer by John Henry Cardinal Newman

A prayer to my ancestors

2007-04-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

The altar to my grandparents, Segundo and Victoriana Ligan.

Grammie and Gramps, it's been a while since I really talked to you. I know I've only said a passing 'hello' on occasions like your death anniversaries, your birthdays, and signifcant events in my life, but I feel that I need to invoke your presence now.

Sometimes I wonder what you think when you see your offspring and descendants on earth struggling through the changes and chances of our lives. I never really asked much of you in life, but suppose I need your love and care more than ever now. Please be here for me, and pray for me. Guide me and protect me with your love, because I feel so lost and frightened of what is to come. Present my burdens to our Lord Christ, who redeemed you and me. Please don't let me go through all of this alone. For the sake of your love for me, hear my prayer. Amen.

Ancestors of our family,
of our kindred and affinity-
the ancient ones, the pride of our people:
deign to accord us with your protection.
All that we have is your gift,
all that we know is your knowledge bequeathed-
about the laws of life and death,
about the things to be done
and the things to be avoided,
about ways of making life less painful
than nature willed it,
about right and wrong,
sorrow and happiness,
about the error of selfishness,
the wisdom of kindness,
about the need of sacrifice.
Unto you, the founders of our homes,
we pay homage and humbly utter our thanks.
Amen.¹

Almighty God, by your Holy Spirit
you have made us one
with your saints in heaven and on earth:
Grant that in our earthly pilgrimage
we may always be supported
by this fellowship of love and prayer,
and know ourselves to be surrounded
by their witness to your power and mercy.
We ask this for the sake of Jesus Christ,
in whom all our intercessions
are acceptable through the Spirit,
and who lives and reigns for ever and ever.
Amen.

Page 396, The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

_________________________________________________

¹ cf Bredon, Juliet, and Igor Mitrophanow. The Moon Year: A Record of Chinese Customs and Festivals. New York: Paragon Book Reprint Corp., 1966.

bleh

2007-04-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

"Hi God, are you there?"
"Of course. How's it going?"
"You're God. You should know what's going on."
"Haha, you're funny. I just like my children to talk to me. What's up?"
"God, it's just I feel like crap."
"Ah.... No worries. I feel like crap too."

Oh Holy Cow!

2007-04-25T14:52:00.000-07:00

I know I should be writing about Saint Mark Evangelist* as it is his feast, but I thought of something far more interesting (at least to me) today.

I was poking through the Gospel of Saint Luke today, and I read the parable of the prodigal son just for fun.

"But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet; and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry; for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate." (St. Luke 15.20b-24, RSV)

Watchman Nee pointed out that Christ wasn't just illustrating God's grace toward those who rebel and repent, but he was also pointing to himself, and the sacrfice that was to come. Nee writes in his commentary:

"Verse 32. [This] Signifies the rich Christ killed on the cross for the believer's enjoyment. God's salvation has two aspects: the outward aspect, signified by the best robe, and the inward, subjective aspect, signified by the fattened calf. Christ as our righteousness is our salvation outwardly; Christ as our life for our life is our salvation inwardly. The best robe enabled the prodigal son to meet his father's requirements and satisfy his father, and the fattened calf satisfied the son's hunger. Thus the father and the son could be merry together."

I never realised the Eucharistic value to this passage; typically we think of Christ as the 'Lamb of God' or the 'Lion of Judah'. But a fatted calf? Huh? Perhaps the Hindus were right after all in their veneration of the sacred cow. So I decided to have a little fun with the Angus Dei in the liturgy for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

Holy Cow, you take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.

Holy Cow, you take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.

Holy Cow, you take away the sins of the world,
grant us peace.

Did I raise a few eyebrows? Moo!

_____________________________________________

*Why is it in modern times we add 'the' to a saint's attribute? Even as late as our 1928 Prayer Book, we called rendered Saint John the Baptist's day as "The Feast of Saint John Baptist". Is it perhaps a carryover of Norman French? In French it's rendered, 'La fête de la Saint-Jean-Baptiste'. If you know the answer, tell me. I mean, although not a saint, do we call the Son 'Jesus the Christ'?

Don't I look cute?

2007-04-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Finally I get to go down the catwalk for you in my lay reader gear! Enjoy.

(They're actually pictures from Evensong on 11 April, the Feast of Saint Godeberta)

Will there be a racist backlash against the Asian American community after the Virginia Tech Massacre?

2007-04-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

© Reuters

Probably yes. And the prospect of that leaves me, along with many Asian Americans, frightened for our own lives and our safety.

Yet at this time, what I feel is more important is the healing of the students, faculty, and families who are affected by this deplorable act. It doesn’t matter whether the gunman was Euro American, Asian American, African American, Hispanic American, or what have you. He shot and killed Virginians of many ethnic backgrounds, and anyone, of any ethnic background, can do something as horrifying and dehumanizing as that.

What we must do now is remember the victims and lift up those who remain in prayer. That is our top priority, and our bounden duty.

Anger often requires a scapegoat. Some will blame the Korean American community, demonising them as bloodthirsty dog-eating wretches. But does the gunman’s ethnicity justify blaming them and passing on the blood libel? No, it doesn’t- just like you can’t blame African Americans for the crime rate in this country, when you have Euro Americans committing the same crimes as well.

© Reuters

The blood isn’t on their hands. But for those who will seek revenge on the Asian American community by blood, they will indeed partake of this atrocious deed, and like the gunman, the blood will be on your hands too.

Please, please, I beseech all of you to remember the victims and their families in prayer tonight.

May the souls of the departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

God bless us, and God save us all.

Being Asian American in the Episcopal Church

2007-04-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

I’m Episcopalian.

Yeah, you heard me. I’m Episcopalian.

When I first started off as a ‘chancel baby’ I worked really hard on learning more about Anglicanism, because I wanted to be an Episcopalian in an Episcopal Church. (Duh!) After some time though, learning translated into being, and somehow I ended up sipping Earl Grey and eating cucumber sandwiches most of the time.

In the middle of my Confirmation preparation programme, one of my groupmates said, “You know, we forget that you’re not White sometimes”, and I couldn’t figure out if that was a cause for celebration or for worry. Whenever I’d visit a new parish, they’d ask me, “So what country are you visiting us from?” and I’d say, “No, I’m American.” They’d reply, “Wow, really? You have no accent!”

I’d respond, “Well, I have an American accent, I was born here and raised here, so hence I speak this way. I mean, English is my mother tongue.” Then they (along with the rector) would look a little disconcerted like I was making fun of them or something.

As an active participant in the liturgy, I also submit these enquiries: Why is it that marriages are expected to be celebrated in fake Queen’s English whilst funerals are done in a Northeast Mid-Atlantic dialect? Isn’t a general American accent more authentic to the life in our church? Or is a British accent more aesthetically pleasing to post-Revolution America? Would I be taken less seriously if I spoke with a Northern Californian accent? And why is it that the rectors of the more established churches seem to speak some strange variety of stiff upper-lip?

What surprises me are the bizarre expectations non-Asian Episcopalians have of me. Am I supposed to be some immigrant charity case in need of housing, food, or clothing? I could hardly be marked as a ‘F.O.B.’. If I sit toward the front, people behind me would snicker and say, “Look at him, sitting in the front. That’s for people who aren’t on welfare.”

People who sit in the back partake of Holy Communion last. Should I unluckily be late for Mass, obviously I’d sit in the back. Yet what terrifies me the most is going up to the altar rail, partaking of communion, and then trying to warily get back to my seat without getting noticed by the congregation who have already partaken of the host and the cup. Of course that never happens. A myriad of eyes would follow me and the people would gasp, “Oh my gawd, I can’t believe he’s actually well dressed. Is he a member of a Hong Kong triad? Does he sell drugs for Japanese bigshots? Or is he a Filipino robber?”

So where the begees am I supposed to sit, huh? Front, middle, or back? Or would you rather I should not attend your parish at all?

Probably the latter.

But let us reach into our church’s history. Article XXIV, “Of Speaking in the Congregation in such a Tongue as the people understandeth”, in the 39 Articles states:

“It is a thing plainly repugnant to the Word of God, and the custom of the Primitive Church to have public Prayer in the Church, or to minister the Sacraments, in a tongue not understanded of the people.”

Further, in Article XXXIV, “Of the Traditions of the Church”:

“It is not necessary that Traditions and Ceremonies be in all places one, or utterly like; for at all times they have been divers, and may be changed according to the diversity of countries, times, and men's manners, so that nothing be ordained against God's Word. Whosoever, through his private judgment, willingly and purposely, doth openly break the Traditions and Ceremonies of the Church, which be not repugnant to the Word of God, and be ordained and approved by common authority, ought to be rebuked openly, (that others may fear to do the like,) as he that offendeth against the common order of the Church, and hurteth the authority of the Magistrate, and woundeth the consciences of the weak brethren.

Every particular or national Church hath authority to ordain, change, and abolish, Ceremonies or Rites of the Church ordained only by man's authority, so that all things be done to edifying.”

The principles these two articles establish are these: to protect and utilise the language of the people, and to protect the culture and traditions of the people, insofar such customs and manners do not contravene the Word of God.

Anglicanism, in its true nature, has taught me to appreciate myself, my family, my culture, and my ancestry. Yet I meet many Episcopalians who think that upon my reception into Anglicanism, I must shed not only my ancestry, but my ancestral customs, traditions, and language as well. In a sense, I can understand why. The Episcopal Church, with its other sister provinces in the Anglican Communion, has its roots in the Church of England. Of course, with Empire came Anglican missionaries who sought to ‘civilise’ and ‘Christianise’ the heathen natives. So is this how they view me? A heathen barbarian who needs to be ‘civilised’ and ‘Christianised’? Historically speaking, I can’t be ‘civilised’ or ‘Christianised’ any further. 400 years of Spanish colonisation under the King and convent, 50 years under American guns, and you still think I need to be ‘Christianised’ and ‘civilised’ further?

Imperialism is no excuse, by the way.

The Henrician, Edwardian, and Elizabethan Church of England made a stand against a foreign church who sought to intervene in their affairs, establishing ecclesiastical, national, and cultural independence under the protection of the English Crown and mitre. Although we aren’t under the British Crown any longer, why can’t the Church protect its ethnic minorities, who are full-pledged members of the same? Are we just tokens for an imagined ‘cultural diversity’ within the American Church on the mainland? (Yes, I’m excluding overseas provinces.) Or will you, our very own brothers and sisters, treat us as full equals, regardless of our race, ethnic background, gender, age, and sexual orientation?

Answer us, and truly welcome us, as we have welcomed you.

Salubong

2007-04-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

There is a Filipino tradition (although non-canonical) that in the morning of his resurrection, before appearing to his disciples and after appearing to Mary Magdalene, our Saviour Christ immediately visited his pure and holy Mother. This tradition, called salubong, is celebrated at dawn with two processions: one carrying an icon of Christ, and the other carrying an icon of the all-holy Mother. The two processions then meet, representing the joyous reunion between Mother and Son.

Before anything else that day, Christ sought two persons- the one who was broken and downtrodden, and the one who remained loyal despite the betrayal of the disciples. Indeed, these two women were the first to see the Lord, and on this very day, Christ first visits those who mournfully ask, “Where have you put his body?” and those who have remained steadfast and faithful to their Lord, despite the doubt and despair of his very own disciples. His message was and is simple: Look at me, I’m back!

Where are you, Lord, in this time- in my hurt, my pain, my fears, my trials, my crises, my circumstances?

I’m here, I’m back.

Lord, I still believe, despite what everyone says and despite the ridicule. I will not abandon you.

I’m here, I’m back.

On that day, Mary the Proto-Christian joyfully reunited with her Saviour. Likewise, on this Sunday of the Resurrection, Mother Church joyfully reunites with her Lord. In his sweet embrace, he softly whispers to us, his Church:

I’m here, I’m back.

This Easter, may you experience the visitation of this blessed joy and hope. He, before all, first sought you.

Still stuck in the Philippines

2007-04-02T03:58:00.000-07:00

I was supposed on come back on 26 March, but thanks a lot to a blasted mosquito, I caught Dengue Fever, and I wasn't discharged from the hospital until 30 March, Philippine Time. I have a new booking for 5 April (Maundy Thursday), which sucks, as I should like to fully participate in the Holy Triduum. I'm heading off for Manila again tomorrow, where I'll wait it out until my trip back home to the States.

Anyway, I suppose I might as well upload the photos from this year's mission trip. I'll upload the pictures from the family reunion at another time because the internet cafe is waaaay too slow.

Random shot of the mission team.

Me with the mission team at the hotel.

Praise and worship with Sam.

Kathleen with unidentified Filipino baby.

Charlene with the children.

Can you spot me among this group of hungry missionaries?

Sitting in church.

With Filipino children.

The team with the Mayor of Lapu-lapu City (Guy, centre, in white).

I'm in the Philippines!

2007-03-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I left for the Philippines two days before the mission team to begin preparatory work.

The Internet Cafe is a bit slow, so I'll just upload the rest of the pictures when I get to the city. There's talk about continuing the mission (after the family reunion) in Thailand or Taiwan, but most likely, I don't think it'll happen.

Here's a picture of me at the gate in SFO.

Thanks for all your prayers! I feel so loved.

Off to do God's work!

2007-03-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, I'll be off in a bit to the Philippines and Taiwan to visit family and to do missionary work for three weeks. Keep me in your prayers! I'll be updating this blog with pictures from the trip when I am able to do so.

Blessings!

With the furore in the Anglican Communion, why are you silent?

2007-02-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

Because I’m laughing.

Nah, I’m not laughing actually, but it’s funny to see grown-ups (more exactly, middle-aged men and a woman in mitres) fighting over bottles of spilled milk.

Once again, I reiterate that this blog isn't to entertain you, but is meant to be my prayer journal.

Seriously though, if you do insist on an answer, I must say that I am not Episcopalian because I want to join in the fight. I’m Episcopalian because I join in common prayer, even when I disagree with the person sitting next to me. I mean, how can you ever say to a family member, you’re not my sister/brother/mother/father anymore because you’re a Democrat or a Republican?

If you’ve done that, then I certainly feel sorry for you.

Blood is thicker than water, right? And in this case, it’s Christ’s Blood that joins us together and holds us as a family. As Christ’s Body we share in Christ’s Blood, that is, the continued plan of redemption he gives us in the mission of the Church.

Instead of listening to each other, why can’t we be still, and listen to God? God, revealed in Christ Jesus, commanded the waves, “Peace, be still!” (St. Mark 4.39) Indeed, it is this same Christ who will say,

“Do you know what I, your Lord and Master,
have done to you?
I have given you an example,
that you should do as I have done.

Peace is my last gift to you,
my own peace I now leave with you;
peace which the world cannot give, I give to you.

I give you a new commandment:
Love one another as I have loved you.

Peace is my last gift to you,
my own peace I now leave with you;
peace which the world cannot give, I give to you.

By this shall the world know that you are my disciples:
That you have love for one another.”

-from The Maundy Thursday Service (pages 274-275), The Book of Common Prayer, 1979.

“Peace, be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46.11, BCP numeration)

Close your eyes. Be still for a few moments. What is God saying to you?

Shhh…

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (St. Luke 11.9-10 NIV)

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him and he with me.”
(Apocalypse 3.20)

Knock, knock. Christ invites you.
Knock, knock. Invite Christ in.

Now open your eyes.

If you would indulge me, please pray with me.

O God of peace, who has taught us
that in returning and rest we shall be saved,
in quietness and in confidence shall be our strength:
By the might of your Spirit lift us, we pray,
to your presence, where we may be still
and know that you are God;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

cf BCP 832, "For Quiet Confidence"

O God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
our only Saviour, the Prince of Peace:
Give us grace seriously to lay to heart
the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions;
take away all hatred and prejudice,
and whatever else may hinder us
from godly union and concord;
that, as there is but one Body and one Spirit,
one hope of our calling,
one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism,
one God and Father of us all,
so we may be all of one heart and of one soul,
united in one holy bond
of truth and peace, of faith and charity,
and may with one mind and one mouth glorify you;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
cf BCP 818, "For the Unity of the Church"

Untitled...

2007-02-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

Our Father, who art in heaven…

Is there such a love so pure that it is untainted by gain or need, want or desire?

Is there a love without motivation, a love so pure and undefiled? A love without hesitation, a love unconditional. Love so pure, that it cannot fully be expressed, but effortlessly speaks volumes through interior silence. A simple hug, the stroking of a cheek, a heartfelt smile can radiate with such sincerity. No one can measure the height, depth, or breadth of this love. This merging of soul and heart; this union of heart and heart, soul and soul, only freely given and only completely accepted.

Does such love even exist? The perfection of heart where two are reconciled into one and joined into that irresistible fathomless depth?

What would it feel like to be in his arms? To hear his heart beating as you nestled in his embrace?

Indeed, my soul has never felt a sincere embrace.

Dear God, where is this love, and why haven’t I seen it? Grant me the gift of faith in this love, in this seed you have planted in every heart, because I have lost faith in humanity. All your saints have seen this matchless beauty, this inexplicable love, this radical grace. If we are but dust, then why do you make love exist when we die anyway? Why do you make love exist when your people suffer for the lack of it? Forgive my unbelief, my God; for I have sought your answer, but you have not answered me. Speak to my troubled spirit; do not despise my broken and contrite heart.

Tears. Spikenard. Oil.

I wash your feet.

The others turn their backs.

Why are you so ugly? God must have made a mistake on you. You are a fucking whore, a slut, a loser, a liar, a fraud, a wretch, a hypocrite; you should have been aborted at birth. You will die alone.

What did I do wrong? Is it my fault? Am I not good enough?

They have all abandoned me.

Alone.

Here I am, standing in the rain, merging my tears with the drops.

I am waiting, I am seeking, I am listening.

Hold me.

God.

Amen.

A Eucharistic Prayer

2007-02-18T12:31:00.002-08:00

I decided to rescue this piece from my old blog Hark the Flaming Bishops Scream before I kill it and send it off to Cyberheaven.

I've composed a few Eucharistic Prayers here and there. This one really unique in that sense that it combines New Testament Apocryphal texts (Acts of John 109 and Acts of Thomas 49-50), Gnostic names for the Divine, Biblical imagery (St. James 1.17), and even a Confucianistic phrase ("God our origin and principle"). This Eucharistic Prayer generally follows the Eastern Orthodox Anaphoras, such as the Liturgy of St. Basil and the Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, but the epiclesis invokes both Word and Spirit like classical Anglican liturgies from the Episcopal Churches in the United States and Scotland, and the proposed Book of Common Prayer of the Church of England. I have also included material from Eucharistic Prayers A and C, from the current Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church, to conform it to Episcopal Eucharistic Prayers.

Words in brackets are optional.

Later, I will post up more of my Eucharistic Prayers. Hope you enjoy.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
And also with you.

Lift up your hearts.
We lift them to the Lord.

Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
It is right to offer thanks and praise.

It is right, and a good and joyful thing,
always and everywhere to give thanks to you,
Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth.

Here a proper preface is said or sung.

Therefore we praise you,
joining our voices with Angels and Archangels
and with all the company of heaven,
who for ever sing this hymn to proclaim the glory of your Name:

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.

The Celebrant continues

God our origin and principle, we now glorify the mighty Name of your beloved Son, in whom you were well pleased. In the beginning, he was the Word through whom you spoke the Creation into existence. After we had lost the intimacy of paradise, the prophets prepared the way for him; and, when the time had ripened, you sent him to be born of a Virgin, to proclaim the Good News of your kingdom. Walking among us, he raised the dead, healed the sick, and loosened the bonds; he gave hope to the poor, freedom to the captive, and refuge to the oppressed. In fulfilment of your purpose, he freely offered himself to endure a painful death on a tree, but the powers of hell and the grave could not overcome him, and by his resurrection he opened for us the gate of eternal life.

Indeed you alone, O God of all mercies, are the root of immortality, the fount of incorruption, and the seat of the ages: by these names we call upon you and acknowledge your greatness and love which was unseen to us, but is now made visible to your holy people through the humanity of your pure Son; he now opens for us the scriptures, [shares his blessing,] breaks this bread, and fills this cup with wine.

At the following words concerning the bread, the Celebrant is to hold it; and at the words concerning the cup, to hold it and lay a hand on any other vessel of wine to be consecrated.

On the night he was handed over to suffering and death, our Lord Jesus Christ took bread; and when he had given thanks to you, he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, and said, "Take, eat: This is my Body, which is given for you. Do this for the remembrance of me."

[My Lord and my God. Amen.]

After supper he took the cup of wine; and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, and said, "Drink this, all of you: This is my Blood of the new Covenant, which is shed for you and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Whenever you drink it, do this for the remembrance of me."

[My Lord and my God. Amen.]

Faithful to his command, O Sovereign God throughout the ages, and commemorating his work of redemption,

We celebrate his death and resurrection,
as we await the day of his coming,
when we shall be made like him.

The Celebrant continues

At your call, O Father of Lights, we, your children, in whom you delight, give you thanks and joyfully offer you this holy feast through the Name of your Son. By this bread and cup, we remember his death and proclaim his resurrection until he comes again in glory and might.

Be present now, O Lord, in this mystery of our faith, and speak your Name over these gifts. Sanctify them by your Word and Holy Spirit to be the Body and Blood of your dear Son, the Bread of Blessing and the Cup of Eternity. Unite us to your Son in our sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, and grant that all who receive these Holy Mysteries may rest in you, be preserved in your truth, open the door to your fullness, and be saved for the everlasting life; where with Mary, the Virgin Mother of God, and all your saints, we may enter into our eternal reward; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

By him, and with him, and in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all honour and glory is yours, Almighty Father, now and for ever. AMEN.

Joshua Ligan 2006.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Licence. You are free to share, copy, distribute, display, and perform the work; or to make derivative works, provided that you attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor. You may not use this work for commercial purposes.

“Beautiful is such a certainty, but uncertainty is more beautiful”

2007-01-31T22:16:00.001-08:00

Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe." Eight days later, his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. The doors were shut, but Jesus came and stood among them, and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believing." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." (St. John 20.24-29 RSV)

This is the Gospel of the Lord.
Praise to you, Lord Christ.

Sometimes we fail to see the beauty behind our doubts and uncertainties. We can’t see how God is in our circumstances; what lesson is he trying to teach us? Why is everything falling part around me? Why, why, why? I suppose that’s a question I am asking Almighty God, right now, at this very moment.

Now, don’t be mistaken: I am not, I repeat, I am not a depressed, forlorn character. For clarification, I suppose you could call me crushed and shattered, a character perhaps, but certainly not a maniac in need of psychological help or happy-happy-joy-joy pills. These past few weeks, I have not only been burdened with my own concerns and worries, but also that of my family. It’s heartbreaking to know that until recently, you were once firmly established on all your hopes and dreams, and now, you are desperately holding on to a ledge whilst gravity tries to drag you down.

So where are you, God?

I’ve probably exhausted the Blessed Virgin and all the saints above, who stand before the throne of Christ, pleading he would answer my prayers so that I could shut up. I have prayed my rosary, lighted candles, kissed a relic, reminded God of his promises written in scripture, and what have you. Call it assurance, but I have done my best to secure an answer, or even a miracle.

The title of this entry is a line from the poem Love at First Sight, by the Nobel Prize winning Polish poet, Wislawa Szymborska, who is one of my favourite poets. However, contrary to the scene described in the poem, I have not come here to this sanctuary to type about love. (Although that would be a pleasant thought or pursuit, but no, it is not my priority right now.)

“Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.”

But how, tell me how, can uncertainty be beautiful? St. Thomas, in the gospel citation, says, “Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe”. Forgive me, Lord, but I can’t see you in this storm.

You would probably give me two answers:

-that it’s okay to doubt, and that God will soon reveal himself to me in my circumstances, and I shall exclaim “My Lord and my God!” as St. Thomas did; or

-that I should “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”. (Proverbs 3.5-6)

The first answer is appealing to my circumstances. The second answer is for me, an extraordinary feat.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11.1 NKJV) Faith indeed, is what I struggle with, but I know it is the fuel God uses for hope. It is difficult to have faith and place your trust in a God who cannot be readily seen through physical eyes.

However, I do know I can see him. He is there present though his Word, and in the Creation; and through the Blessed Sacrament, he assures us of our blessed hope. Yet I sometimes refuse to acknowledge, that somehow in the cosmic backstage, the set for the next scene is trying to get on stage, but I won’t let this happen because I AM still on the stage, and won’t GET OFF the stage unless the next scene features me, and only me. I could be a bit of a diva, won’t you say?

Miracles do not happen on our terms, but God’s terms. You have to open your eyes and see his word at hand. I can understand why uncertainty is beautiful; it’s because God will manifest his glory and power by making it beautiful, according to his own plan. “He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man's mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” (Ecclesiastes 3.11 RSV)

Believe me, I am trying to have faith, I am trying to the utmost of my power to trust. Faith indeed is a gift, but my faith, since I have received the Sacrament of Confirmation, has begun to wither. Wow, whatever happened to the wellsprings of faith I once had, even as a child? I’m truly scared, and I hope you won’t judge me, especially if you are a seasoned Christian (as I pridefully thought I was), who ‘walks by faith and not by sight’. (2 Corinthians 5.7) I just need your prayers during this time, or as St. John of the Cross called it, the ‘dark night of the soul’.

Indeed, it is a dark night. Right now is my Holy Saturday, when I feel like Jesus is in the tomb. It must have been heavy to roll that stone away, just as it is to cast off this feeling of heaviness and weariness. Yet, dear God, when, O when will my Easter come?

A word of thanks: I would like to thank my spiritual director/confessor, the Rev. Fr. Robert Laws for being a shoulder to cry on, Roxanne for baking me cookies, and Shazia for coming to see me. Thank you for your support.

Before I go, an apology. Please forgive me, if I’ve ignored your phone calls, your e-mails, or if I have blocked you on messenger. It wasn’t my intent to give you the cold shoulder. I needed my space, and if you were in the same position, I’m sure you would have wanted to be alone too. I apologise, and I hope to have your prayers.

I’d like to end with the last line from Love at First Sight:

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

If you could indulge me, please pray with me.

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment,
and light rises up in darkness for the godly:
Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties,
the grace to ask what you would have us do,
that the Spirit of wisdom
may save us from all false choices,
and that in your light we may see light,
and in your straight path may not stumble;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
cf BCP page 832, "For Guidance"

Personal Sunday Prayers, 28 January 2006

2007-01-28T00:27:00.000-08:00

In the Name of the Father,
And of the Son,
And of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

I hope you can join with me in my personal weekly prayers, joining with the ever-blessed Virgin Mary and all the saints, as we plead before God the Father, in the power of the Holy Spirit, through Jesus Christ his Son. All collects and prayers are directly from, or adapted from The Book of Common Prayer, 1979.

God our Sovereign Lord, I pray for your missionaries around the world, especially for Taylor and the rest of his team, who are in India this week. Bless their efforts, I pray, and send more labourers into the harvest.

O God of all the nations of the earth:
Remember the multitudes
who have been created in your image
but have not known the redeeming work
of our Saviour Jesus Christ;
and grant that, by the prayers and labours
of Taylor and his team,
and that of your holy Church,
they may be brought to know and worship you
as you have been revealed in your Son;
who lives and reigns with you
and the Holy Spirit, one God,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

cf BCP page 257, “For the Mission of the Church”

God the keeper of peace, I pray for this world. So stretch out your loving hands, spread abroad your spirit, and cover this world with redeeming blood of your Son; that, coming to know you as you are revealed in Jesus Christ, they may receive the gifts of salvation, truth, wholeness, and peace from he who is the Prince of Peace.

Eternal God, in whose perfect kingdom
no sword is drawn but the sword of righteousness,
no strength known but the strength of love:
So mightily spread abroad your Spirit,
that all peoples may be gathered
under the banner of the Prince of Peace,
as children of one Father;
to whom be dominion and glory,
now and for ever.
Amen.

BCP page 258, “For Peace”

Father of grace and glory, I lift up before you my family, here in the United States and abroad. Help us in our difficulties, I pray, as I plead before your throne of grace in these trying circumstances, for my family and clan.

O merciful Father, who taught us in your holy Word
that you do not willingly
afflict or grieve the children of Adam and Eve:
Look with pity upon our sorrows.
Remember us, O Lord, in mercy,
nourish our souls with patience,
comfort us with a sense of your goodness,
lift up your countenance upon us, and give us peace;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

cf BCP page 831, “For a Person in Trouble or Bereavement”

Holy One of Blessing, I lastly pray for myself: Help me through my struggles and difficulties at this time; guide and strengthen me, uphold me with your Spirit, go before me with grace, and show me your mercy.

Assist me mercifully, O Lord,
in my supplications and prayers,
and dispose the way of your servant
towards the attainment of everlasting salvation;
that, among all the changes and chances of this mortal life,
I may ever be defended by your gracious and ready help;
through Jesus Christ my Lord.
Amen.

cf BCP page 832, “For Protection”

Quærite Dominum

Where is Joshie now?

A Prayer of the Armenian Church

Be still, my soul

Ave Maris Stella

Tonight I saw a man die...

An After-Thanksgiving Reflection

My response to a dear, cherished friend

Comedian Dane Cook's "The Atheist"

THIS JUST INFURIATES ME

To answer your question...

The Three Persons of the Holy Trinity is a Divine Bayanihan, and the Communion of Saints is to reflect its Personal Life

So I finally succumbed...

The Credo on the Eucharist by Pope Gregory VII (1020–1085)

Forgive us, Lord, for denying the hope of Redemption and Resurrection : We still murder you throughout the world

Josh's Sermonette for the Third Sunday in Lent

I think I want to hurl...

Sometimes...

A Statement of Faith

A short prayer as I begin Lent

"Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day"

A Rendition of the Blazhen Muzh based on the Psalter in The Book of Common Prayer, 1979

A Theological Reflection for the Feast of Sinulog

A Litany with the Saints

I want s'more soup, please...

Josh's Bilingual Christmas Message 2007 (Tagalog video message with English translation below)

Quiche and the Liturgy

Wrestling with Jacob's Angel this First Sunday of Advent: "I will not let you go until you bless me"

"My Deliverer is coming, my Deliverer is standing by"*

To my first love...

You've got mail

Had I the heaven's embroided cloths*

Joshie, remember to eat your veggies!

Opening Pandora's Box

A Collect for the Continuity of God's Creation

A personal prayer in times of trouble

I'm back home...

A proposal to start a new organization for interested Episcopalians: The Bayanihan Initiative

What exactly do I believe in?

Liturgy and Theology Survey

On a much happier (yet homesick) note...

Good Friday is everyday

"O Mother of the Word Incarnate, depise not my petitions, but hear and answer me"

In defence of the classic Rosary

A prayer for my Father

Stay tuned to preview the next episode of All My Bishops…

In the Garden of MySpace

Theology tomes are big meanies

Behold the monstrous regiment of liturgical divas

When an ox refuses to be yoked

Just being a bit curious...

Open your hearts to the Lord

When the pretence comes tumbling down

"And I went to the enemy's camp, and I took back what he stole from me"

The Dark Night of the Soul... redefined

An Act of Contrition

What is Evangelical Catholicism?

A Pledge of Allegiance to the Episcopal Church

The Bible Meme

Regaining the magic

Two collects for a sad, sad day

A Selection of Personal Collects 1

On becoming a priest

I'm not THAT stupid you know!

Updated: A Responsive Prayer for the Baptismal Candidates and over the Water of Baptism (Final form)

Blessings over Rice and Green Tea

A Rite of Healing after Someone Has Ended a Relationship

*bleh*

Eucharistic Prayer D, Joshified!

Bad, BAD Josh!

Flores de Mayo

Whoa... Thanks, Matt

Te matrem dei laudamus

Chaplet of Divine Mercy

Happy Feast of the Ascension!

Prayers for 16 May 2007

La Rose Complète

This is not a major case of episcolust!

A short prayer as I conclude this week

So I finally got tagged

bleh

bleh