4 January 2008

I want s'more soup, please...

As I'm typing this, I'm in bed sniffling, tearing, and feeling downright sick since I got drenched in the rain yesterday afternoon. So forgive me if I sound a little foggy-minded, and if my post lacks the usual lustre.

Sometimes I have this longing I can't explain sometimes. It's like a relentless hunger and thirst to know more, and to feel such union with God that you can never be separated from him again. Night after night this feeling bugs you, morning after morning, you sigh with utter yearning. You search for God in a myriad of ways - through different spiritual techniques, meditation, prayer, books, pilgrimages, and even trying to live your life in simplicity. Yet you can't find him, and most of the time, you feel the hem of his garment, and then suddenly, you've lost grasp of it. You can't help but feel empty.

It never satisfies you. Holy Communion or meditating on scripture may satisfy you for one moment, but then you want more. It's like a climax of a high that you wish you could prolong, but nah, it fades after a few moments of basking in the wonder. You want that joy, and you want it NOW. Because it is want keeps you going on toward the goal. And not only that, but you want to share that same joy with others.

Do you ever feel like that? Searching, pining, desiring more? Is it greedy or selfish to feel like this?


As discussed on AIM with Eric B.

Eric: yay! my internet is back

Josh: I'm glad.

Eric: i'm listening to the liturgical music you sent me a while back - "The Earth Is Full of the Goodness of the Lord" (love it)

Josh: Ah, yes. The responsorial psalm.

Eric: so, what's on your mind, melon rind?

Josh: *sigh*

Josh: A lot of stuff.

Josh: But I've been having this weird feeling lately.

Eric: *hands josh an e-martini*

Eric: Yeah?

Josh: Thanks.

Josh: It's something I haven't felt since I was Pentecostal, y'know.

Josh: Like this utter longing and yearning for God.

Josh: And it doesn't see, rational.

Josh: *seem

Josh: I mean, we all admire the mystics.

Josh: Although some question them.

Josh: And if we do seek their examples or read their works, they’ll say we're trying to validate our own spiritualities.

Josh: But sometimes you really just want a touch from God, right?

Josh: To plunge into his depths and drink of your fill.

Eric: Exactly

Josh: It's like trying to prolong a high you get from the Holy Communion.

Josh: And you try to do it even in your daily life.

Josh: To live Communion.

Josh: But it's not enough.

Eric: Yes

Josh: You want more, and more, and more.

Josh: Is it wrong to have these feelings?

Eric: Absolutely not

Josh: Is it pride?

Eric: You know, what? I'm going to e-mail you a page from Brian McLaren's book

Eric: He describes exactly what you're going through (maybe)

Eric: It's about the relationship between Catholic mystics and Pentecostal Christians

Eric: And wanting more of God

Josh: Oooooooh.

Eric: It's fascinating

Josh: Thanks!

Eric: Because that's definitely not weird...and it's probably a sign and a call from God herself :P Be honest 'bout it

Eric: *grins* When God's got a job, she calls in the Bitch Squad

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