A Prayer of the Armenian Church

Holy Saviour, Jesus Christ, you are the true light: Remove from my life the darkness of despair, sadness, and sin; and replace them with the joy of your radiant love. For you are the light of my salvation. Blessing and glory to you now and always and forever. Amen.

Be still, my soul

This is one of my favourite hymns, along with Nearer, my God, to Thee. Here is a version sung beautifully by David Archuleta.



Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Ave Maris Stella

Hail, O Star of the ocean,
God's own Mother blest,
ever sinless Virgin,
gate of heav'nly rest.

Taking that sweet Ave,
which from Gabriel came,
peace confirm within us,
changing Eve's name.

Break the sinners' fetters,
make our blindness day,
Chase all evils from us,
for all blessings pray.

Show thyself a Mother,
may the Word divine
born for us thine Infant
hear our prayers through thine.

Virgin all excelling,
mildest of the mild,
free from guilt preserve us
meek and undefiled.

Keep our life all spotless,
make our way secure
till we find in Jesus,
joy for evermore.

Praise to God the Father,
honour to the Son,
in the Holy Spirit,
be the glory one. Amen.

Tonight I saw a man die...

I was late for the bus tonight as I got off work, so I went for a walk around the perimeter of the Great Mall whilst waiting for the next Bus 70. A crowd had gathered around the parking garage, and curious, I tiptoed through the swarm to see what was going on. A young man, obviously shot, was curled on the asphalt drifting between life and death. I could see that he was horrified, frightened, and astounded that yes, he was going to die this very night, in front of all these people. He was aware that he was going to die when he clearly did not want to die. I could only fathom the pain he felt knowing that his last few moments on this earth would be spent bleeding to death in front of strangers instead of being surrounded by the love and warmth of his family.

I felt for this man, and I could only feel compassion for him. It broke my heart to know that among the crowd there was not a loving face to look to, or least a familiar face to focus on. If only I could, I would have held his hand and reassured him that everything would be alright. Somehow, I felt my spirit prompting me (to borrow a Pentecostal term) to say something. My heart wanted to reach out to him and yell over the murmuring crowd, “You are God’s beloved child. He loves you, and embraces you now. He welcomes you home.”

And I didn’t say a word. I DID NOT SAY A WORD. I just stood there like the rest of that heartless crowd. I let that man die without knowing he was loved by God, and that it wasn’t God’s will that he should die like this without somebody caring. I failed my God, and I feel guilty. So fucking guilty over it. How could I let him die like that? How could I let this broken figure, this icon of the Crucified Christ, feel alone in his final moments? I could have said something over the crowd, but no, I just waited for him to breathe his final breath. After the medics pronounced him dead, it was only then that I said a prayer of commendation.

What also pained me was that I knew this young man wasn’t a crime statistic in the San Francisco Bay Area, but that this man was a living human being – the image of God – who loved, felt, and had dreams. To know that his man had possibilities and such potential, then to be turned into worm food within hours just devastated me. He will never realize his dreams, he will never marry, he will never walk his daughter down the aisle, and he will never spend the last of his days tending his own vine or resting under his own fig tree. This man could have been a Supreme Court justice, my child’s schoolteacher, or even the very person who may discover the cure to AIDS.

Tonight, I mourn this possible agent of God’s redemptive grace and creative power in the world. It makes me think, by God, that could have been me, or that could be me tomorrow. Have I lived every moment to the fullest? I must live in the present. The past has no hold over the present, and tomorrow may not be mine. Therefore I choose to live in Christ’s promise of life, and to have it in all its fullness.

Dear God, I’m so sorry. I let that man die without knowing that you loved him, and that he was your beloved child. I failed to show your love, and I stood there with that gawking crowd waiting for him to die. I did not tell him that you did not want this terrible thing to happen to him. I let him lie there feeling abandoned by you, his loving Creator and Redeemer. I did not reassure him that you cared. I’m so sorry. In his final moments, I failed to be your agent of love and grace. God, please forgive me. Please. I lacked the courage to do it. I’m so sorry.

An After-Thanksgiving Reflection

So it’s the day after Thanksgiving - Black Friday, if you will, and whilst my liquored-up relatives are outside the shopping mall in queue waiting with hundreds of others, and chanting “OPEN! OPEN! OPEN!” for the After-Thanksgiving sales, I’d like to spend a few moments of quiet reflection on my blog.

A lot of my non-North American friends and relatives (especially the British ones!) are quite perplexed about the nature of this holiday despite the fact that it was the English settlers who started the custom in the United States and Canada. (The Grenadian Thanksgiving is a whole different beast.) A Chinese South African friend commented to me in Afrikaans, “Ek is baie jaloers! Hoop dat ek eendag met jou dit kan vier!” (“I’m so jealous! I hope that I can one day celebrate it with you!”)

Sure. If you can handle three days of food preparation and planning. Otherwise, Gesëende Dankfees!

The Brits have a rather odd reaction to the North American Thanksgiving. It’s like a combination of awe, disgust, confusion, admiration, indifference, and “foreignness”. But hello? Haven’t they heard of the rural British observances of Harvest Home, Harvest Festival, or Harvest Thanksgiving – the antecedents of our modern Thanksgiving holiday?

Once upon a time, the North American holiday wasn’t so different from the harvest observances in the Old Country. Sure, the food was rather different from back home, as we didn’t have English Strawberries and Cream, but the spirit was still the same: Simple gratitude for blessings received from the Supreme Being, the Merciful One who watches over all of us tenderly.

Now I could rant over how secularized Thanksgiving has become with all its parades, football games, sales, turkey obsession (the mythological first Thanksgiving certainly did not have Turkey, giblet gravy, stuffing, and Cranberry sauce), and what have you. But I’ll leave that for Christmas. After all, as a devout member of the Episcopal Church, the sole representative of the Anglican Communion in the United States, it is my bounden duty to defend the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass in Christ-mass. On the other hand, Thanksgiving is only a statutory holiday.

But let’s get personal here. As we took turns telling each other what we were thankful for this evening, held hands and bowed our heads to say grace, I couldn’t help but think how much I took my family for granted. So at times they may be beyond annoying, and certainly some of them are either rustic buffoons or traditionalist quacks, they are ones who will never tire of your jokes, who will always want what is best for you, and ultimately, they are all that you have. I really missed the presence of my mother and father, who will not be with us for the winter holidays, as they are recuperating in the Philippines. Sometimes it takes loss to make you feel grateful for that or whom you have taken for granted.

So I’m thankful for brotherly advice, even though sometimes it’s “in your face”, because I know I have someone who cares for me. I’m thankful for Aunts sparring over Brussels sprouts and cabbage in the kitchen, because I have a family who has taste in food. I’m thankful for little bratty cousins running around the house, because I know my family has a future. I’m thankful for a nagging boss, because I want to be better at my job. Most of all, I’m thankful that I’m here, amongst the living, because each day I have the ability to open doors and see new things, and have the possibility to love, perhaps love more deeply than I ever have, before I cross the river to a greater shore in the pure land of light.

For these blessings, for this bounty, unto you my Ancestors and Almighty God, I humbly offer you my sincere thanks. Maraming salamat, Panginoon.

Happy After-Thankgiving, dearest blog readers. Hopefully the food coma and/or heartburn doesn’t bother you much.

My response to a dear, cherished friend

I had a heated debate with a moderate conservative Canadian friend (who out of loyalty and affection to him, shall not be named) not too long ago about the substance of the faith in the Episcopal Church. He went how about how he was frightened by the growing liberalism in my province (the US Episcopal Church). Of course, I am an American Episcopalian, so I think I have a better grasp at the matters in my own province than he does, and the hateful anti-TEC propaganda he reads online. The question I asked him, is simply this: Despite the actions of individuals or groups, lay or clergy, has the very substance of the Apostolic and Catholic faith changed in the Episcopal Church?

I must answer this question with a deep, resounding “NO!”

Others may argue otherwise, but that’s alright. Let them argue. The Anglican Communion, of which the Episcopal Church is part, is a roomy Church in which reason plays an important part in its faith and practice. We are created in the image of God, and so “we are free to make choices: to love, to create, to reason, and to live in harmony with creation and with God.” (Catechism of the BCP, Page 835) So come to the table, and rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit and divine gifts God gave us, let us talk, share the bread and wine, and have a good discussion as we dine with the Lord. I will listen to you, and you can listen to my voice, and the voices of our other sisters and brothers. As we converse and commune with each other, we too converse and commune with God, who gifted us with the divine imprint of memory, reason, and skill. “Come now, and let us reason together” as the Prophet Isaiah wrote down.

But I’ve digressed.

The reason I believe that the substance hasn’t changed is because whilst our expression of our ancient faith have been updated and ancient practices restored via the 1979 Book of Common Prayer, and our structure, order, and practice more complete in divine fullness (consecration of women and GLBTs, and same-sex blessings); our adherence to the doctrine espoused by the Apostles’ and Nicene Creeds, Ecumenical Councils, and the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral has not changed at all. And that is something we have in common with each other – Conservative and Liberal, High Church and Low Church. Until I see our prayer book denounce and repudiate the creeds, sacraments, the Jewish and Christian Scriptures, and the doctrines of the Trinity, the Incarnation, the Virgin Birth, the Redemption and Reconciliation of Humankind, the Resurrection, the Gracious Reign of Christ, the Real Presence in the Blessed Sacrament – all of which are affirmed in our Book of Common Prayer, and its catechism, then I shall leave the Episcopal Church. Yet that hasn’t happened, nor will that happen. So thus I remain faithful to the Episcopal Church.

Let’s be honest. How does a woman’s lack of a penis change the substance of the faith? What harm does that do to the Nicene Creed when you ordain a woman as a priest, or even a gay man in a loving, faithful relationship? Are not the creeds and councils, and the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrilateral the barometers by which we measure our orthodoxy? And when others say that women and gay men cannot be ordained are they not limiting God? Is God not Sovereign of Heaven and Earth? Is God’s love, grace, and mercy for all people – in fact, all under the heavens - not unlimited? Are we not putting God in a box when we say God cannot do this, and God cannot do that? If we do so, then it is my opinion that yes, that is idolatry of convention, and in fact, heresy. No one can control God; for God’s love, grace, and power cannot be limited by human conventions based on fear and prejudice, not even the Holy Scriptures can control God. The God I know, is a God who awakens hope, and whose love and power prevails in the end, even when he is silent; or even when ‘blogging prophets’ of doom and gloom think they can speak for the Almighty God who in fact embraces all, far and wide, and whose ways are mysterious and wondrous, beyond our human understanding. A God who turns on his people and creation, and demands a submission based on fear and terror, is no god, but a ruthless tyrant. This is not the God I love and serve.

The substance of the faith has not changed in the Episcopal Church, and neither has the vastness of divine favour God showers his people and creation. The actions and words of a few members of the Episcopal Church (on both sides) cannot change that, and has not changed that fact. The creeds are still the creeds, and the councils are still the councils, and they are still valued, respected, and taught in this Church.

Blessed be God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;
And blessed be God’s kingdom, now and for ever. Amen.

Comedian Dane Cook's "The Atheist"

Dane Cook just made a HUGE fan out of this Episcopalian!

THIS JUST INFURIATES ME

I am angry, sad, and disgusted by the messages that I’ve been reading on internet forums and blogs in regard to the recent earthquake in China, in which, as the toll currently stands, 50,000 people have lost their lives. People have been saying that “China got what they deserve” for human rights abuses, eating dogs, and wearing fur. Are you serious? That sounds straight out of a Jerry Falwell or John Hagee sermon! That is the same cold-hearted rationale that justifies AIDS as ‘God’s punishment’ on the GLBT community, or Hurricane Katrina as ‘Divine wrath’ on the United States for ‘straying away’. And what startles me even more is how SILENT people have been, when normally they join the public displays of mourning for tragedies in other nations. Is this tragedy any different from any disaster? Or suddenly their deaths have no meaning because they are Chinese, and government of the land in which they live in is flawed and corrupt? HELLO?! Human life is human life, and it is precious no matter what race, creed, class, sexual orientation, ethnic background, gender, political affiliation, national origin or caption. No person deserves to die in that manner. A natural disaster, in which thousands of children died, is not a sort of retribution for the policies, actions, and injustices of their government.

Even if you disagree with their politics, can you not extend some grace, mercy, love and compassion? Perhaps be the bigger person?

I have come across these messages, and many more like them:

“I seen documentaries,with Pallets stacked almost 6 feet high,with animal skins on them,cats and dogs.I seen caged dogs for food. What is wrong with you people!!! You have no hearts I fucking wish sometimes you could feel what it feels like to be skinned alive and your family got eaten and see how it feels!!! Damn you heartless Chinese people! You are all so fucked up!!! Fur farm i China is totally fucking gay if you are Chinese then you are fucking animal killer fag! You chinese people deserved to be hit by that earthquake! This is what you get for mistreating animals! Take that fuckcos!!”

“Rot in hell commie fagget chinks!”

“It's all Karma - it's all part of the whole China/Tibet issue.”

“You reap what you sow.”

“I don't like Chinese, I think they have no morals, too materialistic.”

I just can’t believe people can be so cynical and heartless about this. Have a good afternoon.