“The central truth about God is the assertion of His love. His love is not limited to time. It is a part of His eternal Being, existing, real, active, before the work of creation began. Through eternity the life of Father, Son, and Holy Ghost has been. The love of the Father for the Son, of the Son for the Father, of the Father and the Son for the Holy Ghost, of the Holy Ghost for the Father and the Son, had no beginning, as it will have no end. The doctrine of the Holy Trinity—of the three Persons who are one God—was seen by the Church to be necessarily implied in the teaching of Holy Scripture, and was made part of the constant message of Christian truth. In their emphasis on this doctrine Catholic theologians endeavoured to meet the deepest needs of Christian thought and devotion. For these needs cannot be satisfied save in the God who is eternal, in whose eternal Being there are the activities of life, and in whose life before as well as after creation is an abiding exercise of love. A theology which departs from the doctrine of the Holy Trinity, which Tractarian and Anglo-Catholic have received from the Universal Church, may have a temporary attraction; but its failure to satisfy the abiding demands of human thought and prayer deprives it of real and lasting value.”

-Darwell Stone, The Faith of an English Catholic

The night the wall came down

The night the wall came down
he stood in front of me and called my name.

“Come closer”, he said,
beckoning, bidding me to draw near.

He held a flickering candle in his hand
that glowed more brilliantly
than the light of a thousand suns.

I stood there, paralyzed with fear,
paralyzed after the shouts,
the praise-songs,
the cymbal-crashes,
the blaring trumpets
had shattered the silence I once knew.

"Come closer”, he said,
“I have come to liberate you”.

Again, he beckoned to me,
tenderly pleading my name.

I looked around the vast, smoldering ruins
of everything that I had built.
Brick upon brick lay in the streets,
mingled with faeces, urine, blood,
and broken concrete.

It was all gone, reduced to rubble,
ashes, dust, flames, and destruction.

This was the cost of my liberation?
The sacrifice I had to make?
The price I had to pay?

“Then I will come closer”, he said,
“I will not hurt you.”

He spoke my name.

I stared at him blankly,
as he stepped over where the wall once stood
and drew closer to me.
He covered me with his coat
handed me the candle,
and held me close.

He whispered my name.

I raised my head and looked at the stars.
I turned to him,
and shedding a tear,
I said softly,
ever so softly,
piercing the quiet between us,
“Please, sir, I’ve forgotten my name.”

Copyright © 2012 Joshua Ligan.

It's time

So I have made my decision.

I have decided to finish my education. It's been a long time since I've been back in college, but it's time. I'm not getting any younger. And this time, I'm serious about my education. I don't want to be left behind.

There are questions, however. How am I going to finance my education? I'm not making any money right now. What will I study? Where will I study? Things like that.

I could probably study a lot of things: English literature, Creative writing, Classics, World languages, History, and Theology. I'd love to study it all, haha. Dutch and Afrikaans would be nice too. I could learn Chinese or a South Asian language. I might even fulfil my mother's wishes and learn Spanish. But all of that sounds a bit greedy. And probably a bit expensive. 

But what sort of job could I do with that? In the back of my mind, I always thought I'd end up a priest, a deacon, or somehow working within the church. Quite frankly, the call, and not just any call, but the call to be a member of the clergy scares me. I'm terrified of that prospect. Talk about total life change and commitment. You have to grow up, put yourself aside, deny yourself and follow Christ.

Does this mean that I'm too engrossed with myself?

Besides with my wild past, I'm not entirely sure that any ordinations committee would be so pleased to see me. It would count as life experience, however.

Even if I were a priest or deacon, most Episcopal clergy in the United States have another job or experience in another field. It's the very reason why seminaries prefer that you have a BA in something else besides Theology, Philosophy, Religious Studies, or Divinity. Usually, you get a BA in something else before you get an M.Div. Episcopalians have a tradition of overeducated clergy. 

There are loopholes, however. One could always go for a Scottish masters degree (which starts as an undergraduate degree) in divinity or theology. 

I figure that if I do decide to become a priest or a deacon, I'd like something else to help support my call. Being a teacher or a writer perhaps. Even being a tour guide. I'd love to teach English in a foreign country, or write a book. English is my mother tongue after all, and it's a beautiful language.

But first things first. I need a degree. And to get a degree, I need money. So how exactly am I going to get the ball rolling?

Much prayers needed, thank you. And advice.

And if I were to get a BA, it would be wonderful if I could do joint honours/double major along the lines of any of these combinations (depending on the college/uni, of course): English Literature and Creative Writing, English Studies, English and Afrikaans, English Literature and History, English and Classics, English and Theology, English and a modern language, what have you. It doesn't have to be any of those combinations - I could do History and African Studies or Hebrew and Middle Eastern Studies. So let's see what I can do.  

I think the heart of the Gospel is neither about liberation, justification, theosis, redemption, nor even the forgiveness of sins. Rather, the good news of Jesus is simple: We are not alone, and we have never been alone. God has always been faithful, and will continue to be faithful to us. God's love is enough for us. Amen.

Vir altyd

“Ek is jou man”, hy het vir my gesê.
“Jy kan nie van my afloop nie.
Jy is myne vir altyd en altyd en altyd.”
Ek kyk goed na die sterre,
terwyl ons op die soetgras en rooi aard lê.
Ek wonder, ek mymer,
“Kou my toekoms met hierdie man,
hierdie wonderlike man,
hierdie seun van Afrika,
soos daardie sterre wees?”

Ek ruik sy cologne en streel sy wang.
Sy soene smaak na groenappels,
en hy neem my hand.

Ek sluit my oë en sug.

Ai! Wat doen nou ek?
Dis ‘n gekke ding,
‘n baie dome ding,
maar ek kan net smelt
terwyl die vlame van sy hartsog
verteer heeltemal my liggaam en siel.

Sal ek vir hierdie ding na hemel of hel om te gaan?
God. Almagtige God. Allerhoogste God.
Hy het die eerste tyd soos die reën en die wind gekom.
Ek kon nie hom weerstaan nie
want hy het met sy magiek en sange afgerokkel,
en het nuwe wêrelds
in die woestyn van my lewe
met belofte, met mooiheid bloemgemaak.
Hy het nooit my vertrek nie,
maar altyd my vasgehou.

Ek weet nie wat die toekoms gaan aandra nie,
maar ek nader na hom,
ek rus in sy arme,
ek antwoord, ek fluister,
saggies, maar baie saggies,
sonder twyfel, sans twyfel,
“Ja, jy is my man,
my pragtige man, my fraaie man,
my sterke man.
Ek sien in jou God,
my God, onse God,
onse barmhartige God.
Vergeef my. Ek is joune.
Vir altyd en altyd en altyd.”

Copyright © 2011 Joshua Ligan. 

New Every Morning is the Love by John Keble (1792–1866)

New every morning is the love
our wakening and uprising prove;
through sleep and darkness safely brought,
restored to life and power and thought.

New mercies, each returning day,
hover around us while we pray;
new perils past, new sins forgiven,
new thoughts of God, new hopes of heaven.

If on our daily course our mind
be set to hallow all we find,
new treasures still, of countless price,
God will provide for sacrifice.

Old friends, old scenes, will lovelier be,
as more of heaven in each we see;
some softening gleam of love and prayer
shall dawn on every cross and care.

The trivial round, the common task,
will furnish all we ought to ask:
room to deny ourselves; a road
to bring us daily nearer God.

Only, O Lord, in thy dear love,
fit us for perfect rest above;
and help us, this and every day,
to live more nearly as we pray.

"I am an Anglican and that is part of my life; that I really feel at home in the Anglican Communion."

-The Rt. Hon. Adrienne Clarkson, former Governor General of Canada

Love Bade Me Welcome by George Herbert (1593 – 1633)

Love bade me welcome; yet my soul drew back,
      Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack
      From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning        
      If I lack'd anything.

'A guest,' I answer'd, 'worthy to be here:'
     Love said, 'You shall be he.'
'I, the unkind, ungrateful? Ah, my dear,
      I cannot look on Thee.'  
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
      'Who made the eyes but I?'

'Truth, Lord; but I have marr'd them: let my shame
      Go where it doth deserve.'
'And know you not,' says Love, 'Who bore the blame?'  
      'My dear, then I will serve.'
'You must sit down,' says Love, 'and taste my meat.'
      So I did sit and eat.

An Order for the Healing and Reconciliation of a Strained Relationship

Those to be reconciled, along with their associates, and others involved, sit in separate sections of the church.

The ministers enter quietly and warily, stopping at each row to pass smooth river stones to each congregant. An empty cross, veiled in black, leads the procession.

A large wooden basin is placed in front of the altar.

The Celebrant says

Blessed be our Brother Jesus + Christ
Who bears our sins and weaknesses.

The grace of Jesus the Healer and Reconciler be with you
And also with you.

Let us pray.

Almighty God, in the Paschal mystery
you established the new covenant of reconciliation:
Grant that all reborn into the fellowship of Christ’s Body
may show forth in their lives
what they profess by their faith;
through Jesus Christ our Saviour.
Amen.

LESSONS

Old Testament Lesson: Hosea 6.1-3
Canticle: Isaiah 35.1-7, 10
New Testament Lesson: 1 John 4.7-12, 19-21
Gospel: St. Matthew 18.23-35

SERMON

RESPONSE TO THE SERMON

The Celebrant says

From hardness of heart;
from pride, vainglory, and hypocrisy;
from envy, hatred, and malice;
and from all want of charity,
Good Lord, deliver us.

AUFER A ME COR LAPIDEUM

Let us pray together:

The Ministers and People kneeling

Merciful and compassionate Father,
take away our hearts of stone,
our hardened hearts, our uncircumcised hearts,
and grant to us new hearts, hearts of flesh, clean hearts!
You purify the heart and love the clean heart,
possess our hearts and dwell in them,
containing them and filling them,
higher than our highest
and more intimate than our most intimate thoughts.
You are the image of all beauty
and the seal of all holiness,
seal our hearts in your image
and seal our hearts in your mercy,
O God of our hearts
and the God of our portion in eternity.
Amen.

The Ministers and People still kneeling, the Celebrant stands, walks to the basin and drops a stone with force, inviting the congregation to do the same with these words,

Beloved sisters and brothers,
let those who have not sinned cast the first stone.
Instead, humble yourselves in the sight of God
and mightily cast down your pride
and draw near to God’s presence,
raising your Ebenezer,
and asking God for his mighty help and healing grace.

The Ministers and People, one at a time, drop their stones into the wooden basin, saying

Lord, I have sinned against you and my neighbour;
heal us and forgive us.
I cast down my own pride and self-righteousness.
Amen.

The Ministers and People return to their pews.

ACT OF RECONCILIATION

When all have dropped their stones into the wooden basin, the Celebrant stands in the midst of the church, and addresses those to the right, saying,

Sisters and brothers,
I invite you now to turn your hearts to your neighbours,
and confess your sins against God and against them.

Those to the right of the celebrant kneel, and those to the left of the celebrant stand and face those on the right of the celebrant.

Those to the right of the celebrant say

We confess to Almighty God,
and to you my sisters and brothers,
that we have sinned against God and against you,
in thought, word, and deed,
deliberately and unintentionally,
provoking this cycle of animosity,
turning the face of God away from us,
and blocking the flow of God’s love in our lives.

At the following, those on the right strike their chest at each grievance.

We have wounded Jesus within you.
We have hurt you deeply.
We have caused you to stumble.
We have not taken responsibility for our actions.
We have not called ourselves to account.
We have reminded you of the past.
We have instilled fear in your hearts.
We have been disrespectful to your wishes.
We have lied and spoken untruths.
We have hurled insults and undermined you.
We have regarded you with contempt.
We have manipulated you.
We have devised tactics to cause you more pain.
We have not forgiven you as Christ forgave us.
We have judged you more than ourselves.
We have demonized you and dehumanized you.
We have made you feel less worthy to stand before God.
We have made you feel less loved by God.
We have used you and betrayed your trust.
We blame only ourselves.

In doing all this, we separated ourselves
from communion with you and with God,
trampled upon your dignity,
denied that you are created in the image of God,
and so grieved the Holy Spirit.
We acknowledge your hurt and pain.

We ask that you forgive us for these
and all other sins against you,
apologizing for these and all other wrongdoings
we have committed against you.
We are truly sorry, and turning to you,
we promise to make amends
and to make things right between us.
We promise to be more understanding.
We promise to listen.
We commit ourselves to walk forward with you
with renewed hearts and minds,
not looking to the past,
but looking forward to a future together.
Although we are unworthy,
through our many sins against you
give us another chance,
not weighing our past,
but regarding our repentance.

We want to restore this relationship.
Let us walk together again as sisters and brothers
of one Father and build each other up
as a temple wherein dwells the Holy Spirit of God.
Amen.

Those on the left of the celebrant, facing those on the right, say

In the Name of God who loves us,
we embrace you once again
and welcome you back into our hearts.
What is past is past.
Know that we forgive you, and be at peace.
As God restored fellowship with humankind
through the humility and love
in the Cross of Jesus Christ,
so do we restore our communion with you.
Let us make a new beginning together,
as sisters and brothers,
with unity and peace,
faithful to God’s commands,
and loving each other as Christ loved us.
Be you glad, dearest friends in Christ, you are forgiven.We love you as our own.
Amen.

Those to the right of the Celebrant now stand. Those to the left of the Celebrant now kneel, and say

We confess to Almighty God,
and to you my sisters and brothers,
that we have sinned against God and against you,
in thought, word, and deed,
deliberately and unintentionally,
provoking this cycle of animosity,
turning the face of God away from us,
and blocking the flow of God’s love in our lives.

At the following, those on the left strike their chest at each grievance.

We have wounded Jesus within you.
We have hurt you deeply.
We have caused you to stumble.
We have not taken responsibility for our actions.
We have not called ourselves to account.
We have reminded you of the past.
We have instilled fear in your hearts.
We have been disrespectful to your wishes.
We have lied and spoken untruths.
We have hurled insults and undermined you.
We have regarded you with contempt.
We have manipulated you.
We have devised tactics to cause you more pain.
We have not forgiven you as Christ forgave us.
We have judged you more than ourselves.
We have demonized you and dehumanized you.
We have made you feel less worthy to stand before God.
We have made you feel less loved by God.
We have used you and betrayed your trust.
We blame only ourselves.

In doing all this, we separated ourselves
from communion with you and with God,
trampled upon your dignity,
denied that you are created in the image of God,
and so grieved the Holy Spirit.
We acknowledge your hurt and your pain.

We ask that you forgive us for these
and all other sins against you,
apologizing for these and all other wrongdoings
we have committed against you.
We are truly sorry, and turning to you
in sorrow and good faith,
we promise to make amends
and to make things right between us.
We promise to be more understanding.
We promise to listen.
We commit ourselves to walk forward with you
with renewed hearts and minds,
not looking to the past,
but looking forward to a future together.
Although we are unworthy,
through our many sins against you
give us another chance,
not weighing our past,
but regarding our repentance.

We want to restore this relationship,
and we commit ourselves to reconciliation and peace.
Let us walk together again as sisters and brothers
of one Father and build each other up
as a temple wherein dwells the Holy Spirit of God.
Amen.

Those on the right of the celebrant, facing those on the left, say

In the Name of God who loves us,
we embrace you once again
and welcome you back into our hearts.
What is past is past.
We lift you up.
Know that we forgive you, and be at peace.
As God restored fellowship with humankind
through the humility and love
in the Cross of Jesus Christ,
so do we restore our communion with you.
Let us make a new beginning together,
as sisters and brothers,
with unity and peace,
faithful to God’s commands,
and loving each other as Christ loved us.
Be you glad, dearest friends in Christ, you are forgiven.
We love you as our own.
Amen.

The Ministers and People now stand.

The Celebrant asks the congregation,

Will you turn again to Christ as Lord?
We will.

Do you, then, forgive those who have sinned against you?
We do.

Do you repent of the sins that draw you away from the love of God
and from communion with each other?
We do.

Will you seek and serve Christ in each other, loving each other as yourself?
We will.

Will you strive for righteousness and peace, and respect the dignity of your sisters and brothers?
We will.

RESPONSORY
Ezekiel 36.24-28

I will take you from the nations,
and gather you from all the countries to bring you home.

I will sprinkle clean water upon you,
and cleanse you from all your uncleanness and false gods.

A new heart I will give you,
and a new spirit I will put within you.

I will remove your heart of stone
and give you a heart of flesh. 

Follow my statutes
and be careful to observe my ordinances. 

Then you shall live in the promised land:
you shall be my people,
and I will be your God.

The Celebrant gives the absolution, pouring water over the stones, and saying

As you have humbled yourselves,
cast down your pride,
and have been lifted up by God in his people,
Almighty God have mercy on you,
forgive you all your sins
through the grace of our Saviour Jesus Christ,
strengthen you in all goodness,
and by the power of the Holy Spirit keep you in eternal life.
Amen.

The processional cross is now unveiled. A joyous hymn is sung.

THE PEACE

The Celebrant introduces the Peace, saying

People of God in Christ Jesus,
the Peace of the Lord be always with you.
And also with you.

The Peace is exchanged. The Celebrant may encourage the reconciled to “mingle” and sit with another person from the other side.

The liturgy continues with the Eucharist.

Thanksgiving Psalm after Post-Communion: Psalm 126

Joshua Ligan 2010.

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"Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life;
rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise,
God, whose very own you are,
will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand it,
God will carry you in His arms. 

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;
the same understanding Father who cares for
you today will take care of you then and every day. 

He will either shield you from suffering
or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. 

Be at peace,
and put aside all anxious thoughts
and imaginations."

-St. Francis de Sales (1567–1622)